Discussion Anyone else have an obsession with undeath/transformation?

[unendingempty]

For a long time I have wanted to be a vampire to a degree that boarders on species dysphoria. I think a big part of the appeal for me is the idea of a physical and mental transformation through death that allows me to free myself from reality and the laws of humanity and become something greater. I struggled with maladaptive daydreaming for most of my childhood, most of my fantasies involved leaving this reality behind. I was so certain it was going to happen someday, and I have never really been able to accept the fact that this boring, terrifying, unjust reality is all I'm going to get. I don't want to be a person who works a job just to survive and never gets to be happy, I want to be powerful, dangerous, and unknowable. I want to be free from all the mundane awfulness of human life, free from my responsibilities. Honestly, I could handle being as depressed as I am as a vampire, because at least I would be able to kill christian nationalists and white supremacists every night. Plus, suicide by sunlight would always be a reliable option of ending my unlife.

 

[Whale_bones]

I'd prefer to be a vampire because they're free from all human conditions and diseases, so most of their existence is pain-free (physically, at least). I'd have no problem never seeing the sun again if it meant I could run/walk without pain. Plus, like you say, you could enact justice on those who deserved it, and be a protector of the innocent. I think vampires have a lot of qualities that humans want, and that's why we enjoy stories about them. But those qualities are even more desirable to those of us who don't enjoy living as a human in the first place.