Discussion ANYONE ELSE HATE THE HOLIDAYS?

[Unattainable666]

I hate the holidays. I know I'm not alone. I wish I could go underground until they're over. I used to love Christmas. My little girl and I would decorate the house, sing Christmas songs, sitting on Santa's lap, making cookies. Since she's been gone my life has been a living hell. My soul is gone, tears have replaced any joy in my life. Appropriate for me to ctb at this time of year. I keep thinking I'll finally be with her, no more tears, no more rejection, no more ugly people. Just peace absolute peace.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't like Christmas either. I have unpleasant family memories. I think it can be a time to remind people who don't have families- or functional families on what they're missing out on.

I'm so sorry about your daughter. I can absolutely understand why it would be such a painful time for you. I agree- I wish we could hybernate through it. I'd much rather skip all this cold as well- save on the heating bill.

 

[GlutenFreeCat]

Can't stand this time of year. I'd rather crawl into a hole and never come out.

Unpleasant memories of past trauma also my first attempt at ctb was Christmas Eve 2014. Every year I'm just reminded of that unfortunate failure and how shitty things have been since.

 

[ripberman]

Winter is so depressing. I hope you can find the peace you seek, and that you aren't subjected to many painful memories.

Death is most present in my mind during this time of year, as well. It's difficult to ignore, when all of the trees are dead, the animals are in hiding, etc.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

In my case, I don't really care about the holidays. It's the same day for me compared to other times of the year

 

[Orbitc]

I like Christmas, but my dreams never come true. I've tried to make my life a little better, but I can't. I'll probably drink SN this Christmas - I hope that at least my dream of a peaceful death will come true.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

If you're not an innocent little child, I cannot stand this weird forced happiness during this time of the year. When grown ass adults try to invalidate the way you feel because of some "holiday spirit" and call you a Grinch or whatever. That delusional toxic positivity groupmind kind of thinking where anything but blind happiness is invalid because it's december. I don't think there's anything wrong with enjoying christmas. Especially if you're a child. I don't like it because my family fucking sucks and this particular time period reminds me of bad memories. That annoying attitude where people don't accept your lack of care for the holidays annoys the fuck out of me. Its dark and cold and depressing. I'm sorry I can't just delusionally force myself to be happy because the calendar is telling me to

 

[FuneralCry]

Anything related to Christmas is irritating to me personally. I cannot stand commercialised toxic positivity, any "happiness" in this hellish and cruel world that is filled with endless suffering is just delusional to me anyway.

 

[silentnights56]

I find holidays tiring, draining...Honestly just prefer my own company

 

[Spiritual survivor]

I was always most broke around the holidays, and felt guilty for not buying friends gifts. I often felt uncomfortable or was somehow ending up isolated too. Not every holiday but I just couldn't plan very well. I did see my family in my earlier years of my 20's for the holidays until I started to realize it was a source of stress and began to feel embarrassed about my life circumstances more and more. So yea I understand that holidays can be a special kind of hell.

 

[R_N]

Not anymore since I am not expected to participate.

I do find it hilarious how people take them so seriously. Things they made up and all the rules.

 

[Nyotei]

The silence and solace found in the winter is unlike any other time of the year. I can't stand the heat. I associate the holidays with being near less people and enjoying myself, on my own. The crisp air, the way sound seems to be absorbed by the snow, and the overall peacefulness can provide a unique kind of comfort. Not to mention the comfort of night taking up a significant part of the day, the stressful and blistering sun being a non-issue.

I think these little rituals this time of year give me some measure of "happiness" alongside my suicidal thoughts, they don't usually conflict like it does for others. Wanting to CTB doesn't necessarily preclude us from enjoying some parts about existence, just that overall existence is not ideal. So I focus on the little things I enjoy as I prepare to make the choices that will decide my future (or lackthereof).

For me these hobbies happen to be books and vintage tech (VHS equipment especially) along with various anime of the time period. This time of year there's a special atmosphere you get from a cold, dark winter night under the glow of a CRT television. Still deciding if these little hobbies are worth continuing to persist though...

 

[Raindancer]

It varies, but mostly I am finding them very difficult to get through.

 

[Kalista]

Yes. It's the reason I became depressed, then that depression affected my ex, then she decided to leave me, I reacted very badly they placed me in 5150. Now I don't have anyone to spend the Christmas holidays with and she won't speak to me at all.

 

[SquirtleKyun]

Christmas and thanksgiving are particularly rough times for me. Lots of bad memories about my father just completely overwhelm me during family holidays. Even all these years apart from him, he still manages to torment me.

 

[Unattainable666]

Christmas and thanksgiving are particularly rough times for me. Lots of bad memories about my father just completely overwhelm me during family holidays. Even all these years apart from him, he still manages to torment me.

I find it amazing how people affect us even years later. So sad ....

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I used to love it.

But being alone ( while my mom and sister never call) is hard. I have friends, but most of them have young kids still and celebrate with family. Understandable.

I've booked a very cheap Airbnb thingie ( costs next to nothing in December) another single friend without family and our pets come with me. A change of scenery might do good.

 

[Body bobi]

me too its just reminds me of how lonely i am

 

[hellispink]

Christmas is full of hypocrisy. Most families smile at each other and the rest of the year they eat themselves alive with gossiping and betrayal. So fake honestly. Just few percent honestly lives happily in december. The rest is just fake double faces and hypocrites.

 

[Unattainable666]

This will be my best christmas - I'll be ctb and won't ever have to deal with it again

 

[Justnotme]

Guys, I am very sorry that for various reasons you and I are suffering in this world. We suffer even during the holidays, when everything looks very beautiful and the world seems to be filled with a different atmosphere. But unfortunately, this is not the case. The horrors that happen to all living organisms on this planet remain horrors even during the holidays. I'm sorry that I'm pushing it.

During the holidays, I will sit on this forum and continue to study how to painlessly leave this world.
I will also take sleeping pills to avoid hearing fireworks and loud voices of people on the streets..

 

[Yaffle]

I hate the holidays. I know I'm not alone. I wish I could go underground until they're over. I used to love Christmas. My little girl and I would decorate the house, sing Christmas songs, sitting on Santa's lap, making cookies. Since she's been gone my life has been a living hell. My soul is gone, tears have replaced any joy in my life. Appropriate for me to ctb at this time of year. I keep thinking I'll finally be with her, no more tears, no more rejection, no more ugly people. Just peace absolute peace.

I used to love Christmas and New Year, hate it now.

I didn't realise you'd lost your daughter, so sorry.

What method are you thinking of?

 

[Unattainable666]

I used to love Christmas and New Year, hate it now.

I didn't realise you'd lost your daughter, so sorry.

What method are you thinking of?

carbon monoxide - if that doesn't work jumping

 

[Yaffle]

carbon monoxide - if that doesn't work jumping

CO is def top of my list along with nitrogen.

I really favour building a GULPS CO generator.

 

[Unattainable666]

CO is def top of my list along with nitrogen.

I really favour building a GULPS CO generator.

I'm just using two hibachis in a tent.

 

[Neverfeltdeader]

I hate the holidays. I know I'm not alone. I wish I could go underground until they're over. I used to love Christmas. My little girl and I would decorate the house, sing Christmas songs, sitting on Santa's lap, making cookies. Since she's been gone my life has been a living hell. My soul is gone, tears have replaced any joy in my life. Appropriate for me to ctb at this time of year. I keep thinking I'll finally be with her, no more tears, no more rejection, no more ugly people. Just peace absolute peace.

I loatheeeee this time of year. I too have the same thought of wishing to disappear for the month of December. No one understands and believes how much I hate the holidays. My dad died a few months ago which makes it even more difficult for me to enjoy this time of year. I can't wait until it's all fucking over.