M

MyStateKilledMe

Arcanist
Apr 23, 2020
463
The thread title fits my situation perfectly! It was the very reason I joined this site last year. Before my Democrat state government overreacted to a silly flu virus, locked everything down, and banned social gatherings, I had a vibrant, active social life. And it all went to hell in just one day, when the quarantine order went into effect. Very quickly, I fell into a depression, and became suicidal. I found this site, and joined it.

I was grateful to learn the CTB methods, and even started buying some of the supplies. Until one day, when I was looking online to have one last blast of fun before CTB'ing, I came upon a radical right-wing group. I started talking to them, and got an invitation to their party in an illegally reopened bar 2 hours from me. Well, I had so much fun there, and when I found out they were planning more gatherings, I figured the Bus could wait. Especially considering that I became good friends with some of those people who lived near me, and I hang out with them even now, long after social gatherings became legal again. Just being in the same room with people who hate Democrats like I do feels very humanizing and life-affirming.

Today, I'm happy businesses are reopening, and I don't need to break the law to socialize with other people. But anything that happens once has a nearly guaranteed chance of happening again. So I'm not ruling out CTB'ing in the future, if my state implements the next quarantine over another overhyped virus. Since A is considered an essential business, I'll have no trouble buying all the supplies I need to CTB for good.
 
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J

JipJopMop

Member
Mar 6, 2021
96
No I've had a very unfulfilling shit life, that's probably why I want to ctb
 
daddy Phil :)

daddy Phil :)

Member
Oct 21, 2020
52
Yes, I think my life was great but it all started the moment I heard the voice in my head and from that moment everything went bad.
 
Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
20,685
Yes but that situation was my own fault anyway and it's impossible for me to get over it.
 
blackwidow92

blackwidow92

Member
Nov 18, 2020
83
Yes, everything in my life was actually very good but then I had a manic episode (induced by prescription amphetamines) where I nuked it all... lost all my money and basically gave myself brain damage... lost a beautiful relationship, my cognitive ability, not able to program anymore or listen to music without feeling sick... I don't want to give up but everything in my life was ruined by one bad decision while manic
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I managed to ruin my life during a manic episode too. Quit my decent job whilst in the middle of an episode which resulted in me losing my home, my cat, my car and my partner. I just don't have the energy to start over again, I worked minimum wage for years to get to that decent paid job and now I feel like I just don't have it in me to start all over again. I've made so many stupid decisions in life. Why is suicide so difficult.
 
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In2TheVoid

In2TheVoid

Pathological
Feb 18, 2021
75
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I managed to ruin my life during a manic episode too. Quit my decent job whilst in the middle of an episode which resulted in me losing my home, my cat, my car and my partner. I just don't have the energy to start over again, I worked minimum wage for years to get to that decent paid job and now I feel like I just don't have it in me to start all over again. I've made so many stupid decisions in life. Why is suicide so difficult.
I'm really sorry this happened to you too... I feel the same way about starting over, it's overwhelming and there's so much shame to deal with
 
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Meretlein

Meretlein

Moderator
Feb 15, 2019
1,199
I lost what made my life worth living and my future hopeful gradually at first and then all at once.

Most things in life are lost in that manner.
 
Imaginos

Imaginos

Full-time layabout
Apr 7, 2018
638
My life has always been pretty shitty, but I could cope with it. That was until anhedonia came around about 6/7 years ago. If there was anything that super charged my desire to die, it'd be that slimy demonic fucker which now haunts me morning, noon and night.
 
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