Discussion Anyone else going to try to recover while also planning to ctb?

[usernamesarehard]

Pretty much the title.

I planned on ctb November 30th of next year. I talked to a friend and now I'm questioning my choice.

I plan on asking my psyc for zoloft since it helped improve my mood and I need something to help with my mood(I'm already on wellbutrin and it helps with energy, but not mood). I'm also coming to terms with the idea that I might have social anxiety and am going to take steps to work on that. I want a partner, preferably sometime soon as I want someone to grow with, not try to look for already successful guys in my 30s. I bought a camera recently, so I also plan on taking mini trips on the weekends to go places to take pictures. I'm debating if I want to be a volunteer at an animal shelter. I start work pretty late (2pm) and would like to have something to do in the morning. I'm going to take steps to try to improve my quality of life.

But I also plan on booking an abnb for next November. I want something to look forward to. I'm also taking my method with me and cutting everyone off. I also plan on making all the necessary preparations for if I do die (adding beneficiaries, writing notes, making funeral arrangements). I don't know if next November will be a nice month-long vacation or the last month before I ctb.

 

[Redacted24]

Yep!
Although I'm still planning my disappearance (since late 2023 but with no fixed date), I'm also working to get out of my toxic life to see if that helps my mental state some.

If life does get better after liberation...well I'll still have my plan and means as insurance (and comfort)
If life is irretrievable regardless, then too easy to go silent, break connections, organize papers, and return my body to nature.

But first I want to try ending my life - as it is now. Then determine if ending it physically is called for.

Good luck to us!

 

[Forever Sleep]

I suspect (or hope) I will CTB eventually. I'm waiting for my Dad to go first. In the meantime, I don't exactly plan to recover but, neither do I want things to get worse. In fact, I'm currently realising I need to work on my health and mood so that things aren't so difficult. I doubt anything I would do now will make life feel worthwhile but, I need to make it easier to get through.

 

[wham311]

I'm doing a bad job of both

 

[Almost Dead]

Makes total sense to me yeah. I mean if you think about it, either way we're all going to end up dead, whether it's sooner or later or planned or spontaneous, so... if one has the capabilities & resources to attempt to make life less painful in the meantime, might as well try to utilize them. I wish you luck with recovery!

 

[SailorBlue]

Yes, me.
I give myself a deadline to fix things in my life. If it doesn't work, I will ctb. That gives me enough time to put everything in order.

I wish you all the best.

 

[BlueLock]

Yes. I'm realizing I just can't ctb--survival instincts and all--so I'll try to get better and find ways to make life enjoyable or just bearable. I still have rope hidden under my bed and I'm not throwing it out anytime soon, it brings me a lot of comfort to know it's there and I hypothetically can check out anytime I want.

 

[getoutgirl]

Ok so I did this and I can't fully recommend it.

Back in september of last year I bought two notebooks.
One for suicide thoughts and planning, and the other for life planning and recovery. Thought I would work on both as I couldn't get either out of my head. Juggle the two along with the days I felt more drawn to one of the other. Little by little each.

So flashforward to january 1st. I revisited them and I had written about 30 pages in the recovery one. And ~150 in the suicide one if I remember :)
so not great
And by late january I had a mini botched attempt, and another in april I didn't even went through. Both of which I had planned through out the prior months slowly, thinking of them daily as I allowed myself to work on them along with the living stuff, which seemed a lot less appealing in contrast.

So my only warning after this vent, is that it can be counter productive to work on both sides at the same time. Which is obvious, but you should take it into account if you want to prioritize recovery. Allowing yourself time to plan and think of your death that much can end up swallowing the other plan, quite easily.

But I also plan on booking an abnb for next November. I want something to look forward to. I'm also taking my method with me and cutting everyone off. I also plan on making all the necessary preparations for if I do die (adding beneficiaries, writing notes, making funeral arrangements). I don't know if next November will be a nice month-long vacation or the last month before I ctb.

All this for example is a lot of time you'd dedicate to this. Which would be understandable if you intended to do it. But other than that it helps in nothing but easing you further into doing it, and away from the recovery side. For one I hope you don't mean cut everyone off as of right now until november, as that would be a killer and a big No no imo.
It is very hard to ask to ignore the suicide part completely, but from my experience I wouldn't advise you take the two paths as equals or view them at the same level. One is extremely detrimental to the other.
You do you in the end.

In any case I'm glad you are trying hard with your recovery. Love the idea of taking photo trips, and the volunteering. Try those if you can I'm sure they could help. Take those steps and take it easy on yourself. Hugs <3