I really understand, I just wish to be free from this dreadful, torturous existence as well, all I want is to never suffer again and I always suffer so much from how I cannot just have the option to peacefully cease existing to finally escape from this existence I just always saw as a mistake, I see so much cruelty in how painless, guaranteed ways to permanently cease existing are denied with no more pain and no more suffering, I always find it so painful to be trapped in this existence.