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Ambivalent1

Ambivalent1

🎵 Be all, end all 🎵
Apr 17, 2023
3,278
As a fantasy, it's comforting, but when life starts feeling grimmer and colder, ctb doesn't feel like a friend. It feels equally horrifying and uncomfy. It feels like ctb would be easier and feel better if life was going better.
 
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T

tryagain

Member
Feb 17, 2023
25
As a fantasy, it's comforting, but when life starts feeling grimmer and colder, ctb doesn't feel like a friend. It feels equally horrifying and uncomfy. It feels like ctb would be easier and feel better if life was going better.
Maybe why I plan to CTB even though life is "good". I feel like I want to check out while I am doing okay rather than when I am in distress.
 
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Tortured_empath

Tortured_empath

Arcanist
Apr 7, 2019
490
Yes, very much so. Very unnerving.
 
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That's Not Me

That's Not Me

A cork on the ocean floating over the raging sea
Sep 14, 2022
108
It is a very peculiar feeling. It's something that I doubt any psychiatrist can explain. My psychiatrist has a book on her shelf called "Understanding Suicide". I find it so funny. It is really a feeling that is impossible to explain. As it got worse, I felt terrified of the ctb slowly appearing on the horizon, but after a point it comes back to being a friend. I think it is a common feeling for recovering suicidal people to feel sucked into the gravity of a black hole. At least with me, I felt terrified at the prospect of being sucked in and tried to fight against it, but as I went through the event horizon I feel comfortable giving myself away lol. You may not have gone through the event horizon and that is a good thing. I don't think anyone knows for sure when it happened.
 
telro

telro

I'm just tired
May 21, 2023
57
Maybe why I plan to CTB even though life is "good". I feel like I want to check out while I am doing okay rather than when I am in distress.
I really resonate with this. Although it can be scary getting closer to the date, I really feel like I'm in a great position and don't wanna miss this window where I can CTB peacefully
 
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Ambivalent1

Ambivalent1

🎵 Be all, end all 🎵
Apr 17, 2023
3,278
Maybe why I plan to CTB even though life is "good". I feel like I want to check out while I am doing okay rather than when I am in distress.
That seems unwise. Picking a good time in one's life only seems to make sense in retrospect. When my life was fairly good, I thought it would last a long time. It could have since it's worked that way for others I grew up with. If it were to last, then why not live those years? That's the problem with life. You can never know how things will turn out.
 
Last edited:
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MeltingBrain

MeltingBrain

Wizard
May 29, 2023
608
As a fantasy, it's comforting, but when life starts feeling grimmer and colder, ctb doesn't feel like a friend. It feels equally horrifying and uncomfy. It feels like ctb would be easier and feel better if life was going better.
CTB is not a friend it's more like choosing a less problematic person out of the 2 abusive people (life and death) . I never even gave it a second thought when life was going well .
 
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Ambivalent1

Ambivalent1

🎵 Be all, end all 🎵
Apr 17, 2023
3,278
CTB is not a friend it's more like choosing a less problematic person out of the 2 abusive people (life and death) . I never even gave it a second thought when life was going well .
Yeah. There are no friends. Was always an illusion
 

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