Anyone else get more afraid the more you see ctb on the horizon?

[Ambivalent1]

As a fantasy, it's comforting, but when life starts feeling grimmer and colder, ctb doesn't feel like a friend. It feels equally horrifying and uncomfy. It feels like ctb would be easier and feel better if life was going better.

 

[tryagain]

As a fantasy, it's comforting, but when life starts feeling grimmer and colder, ctb doesn't feel like a friend. It feels equally horrifying and uncomfy. It feels like ctb would be easier and feel better if life was going better.

Maybe why I plan to CTB even though life is "good". I feel like I want to check out while I am doing okay rather than when I am in distress.

 

[Tortured_empath]

Yes, very much so. Very unnerving.

 

[That's Not Me]

It is a very peculiar feeling. It's something that I doubt any psychiatrist can explain. My psychiatrist has a book on her shelf called "Understanding Suicide". I find it so funny. It is really a feeling that is impossible to explain. As it got worse, I felt terrified of the ctb slowly appearing on the horizon, but after a point it comes back to being a friend. I think it is a common feeling for recovering suicidal people to feel sucked into the gravity of a black hole. At least with me, I felt terrified at the prospect of being sucked in and tried to fight against it, but as I went through the event horizon I feel comfortable giving myself away lol. You may not have gone through the event horizon and that is a good thing. I don't think anyone knows for sure when it happened.

 

[telro]

Maybe why I plan to CTB even though life is "good". I feel like I want to check out while I am doing okay rather than when I am in distress.

I really resonate with this. Although it can be scary getting closer to the date, I really feel like I'm in a great position and don't wanna miss this window where I can CTB peacefully

 

[Ambivalent1]

Maybe why I plan to CTB even though life is "good". I feel like I want to check out while I am doing okay rather than when I am in distress.

That seems unwise. Picking a good time in one's life only seems to make sense in retrospect. When my life was fairly good, I thought it would last a long time. It could have since it's worked that way for others I grew up with. If it were to last, then why not live those years? That's the problem with life. You can never know how things will turn out.

 

[MeltingBrain]

As a fantasy, it's comforting, but when life starts feeling grimmer and colder, ctb doesn't feel like a friend. It feels equally horrifying and uncomfy. It feels like ctb would be easier and feel better if life was going better.

CTB is not a friend it's more like choosing a less problematic person out of the 2 abusive people (life and death) . I never even gave it a second thought when life was going well .

 

[Ambivalent1]

CTB is not a friend it's more like choosing a less problematic person out of the 2 abusive people (life and death) . I never even gave it a second thought when life was going well .

Yeah. There are no friends. Was always an illusion