Discussion anyone else get happy the days leading up to cbt?

[exitsimulation]

the fact i know its over soon is such a weight off, i still get scared sometimes but im the happiest ive been now i know im about to die. ioronic lol anyone else feel like this?

 

[Fktw0rld]

Yeah, I used to overthink alot, suffer from debilitating major depressive disorder and disassociative identity disorder. I also have extreme OCD which makes me hard to tolerate. But since I've made the decision to ctb nothing really bothers me anymore. I know an end is approaching so who cares. I just jump on ss, see what everyone is up to, close my eyes and sleep it all off now.

There is a certain blissful feeling to the whole thing. It's a nice relief actually. It's hard to explain though.

 

[exitsimulation]

Yeah, I used to overthink alot, suffer from debilitating major depressive disorder and disassociative identity disorder. I also have extreme OCD which makes me hard to tolerate. But since I've made the decision to ctb nothing really bothers me anymore. I know an end is approaching so who cares. I just jump on ss, see what everyone is up to, close my eyes and sleep it all off now.

Edit: There is a certain blissful feeling to the whole thing. It's a nice relief actually.

i know im glad im not the only one. a little off topic but i hung my self with a belt and was unconscious for a good minute or so before it snapped, the feeling i had afterwards for like 5 hours was the most blissed out and peaceful i have ever felt :p the brain released all my happy death chemicals lol i kind of feel like that but not as strong

 

[Fktw0rld]

i know im glad im not the only one. a little off topic but i hung my self with a belt and was unconscious for a good minute or so before it snapped, the feeling i had afterwards for like 5 hours was the most blissed out and peaceful i have ever felt :p the brain released all my happy death chemicals lol i kind of feel like that but not as strong

Haha!! I did the same but with an exercise band before it slid from the door jam and slapped the shit outta me. I blacked out and immediately went into a vivid dream of super green grass and what looked like a clear body of water, like a small lake. I can even smell the grass like it was just cut. Then it turned into someone slapping me on the back of my neck and I snapped out of it. It turned out to be the band. I literally just laid on my couch and felt good for a while about it. Like man, it's really that easy, wtf. So I started dabbling with tourniquets because I didn't wanna get the shit beaten outta me during failed partial hangings anymore.

I think that's DMT

 

[exitsimulation]

Haha!! I did the same but with an exercise band before it slid from the door jam and slapped the shit outta me. I blacked out and immediately went into a vivid dream of super green grass and what looked like a clear body of water, like a small lake. I can even smell the grass like it was just cut. Then it turned into someone slapping me on the back of my neck and I snapped out of it. It turned out to be the band. I literally just laid on my couch and felt good for a while about it. Like man, it's really that easy, wtf. So I started dabbling with tourniquets because I didn't wanna get the shit beaten outta me during failed partial hangings anymore.

I think that's DMT

lol no way bro yes off to the DMT realm i go, ive smoked it many times. ive been taking shrooms a lot lately

 

[Death is my goal]

it's sad, don't find it happy whatsoever.

 

[Fktw0rld]

It's good stuff! I think that's why when people have nde's they think they see doves, their family members that passed, heaven, colors and lights and so on. Then they get revived and they're all talkative about their experience because the DMT that was release is still active. I could be wrong though.

 

[exitsimulation]

it's sad, don't find it happy whatsoever.

the only hapiness i find is snythetic but its not real and ive destroyed my brain and body

It's good stuff! I think that's why when people have nde's they think they see doves, their family members that passed, heaven, colors and lights and so on. Then they get revived and they're all talkative about their experience because the DMT that was release is still active. I could be wrong though.

no your spot on

 

[thebunny]

i wouldn't really say 'happy' is the right term for it. i think 'relieved' is more fitting. i'm relieved that all of this—suffering and pain, will all be over soon. i'm relieved that someday, i will finally achieve the peace that i have been craving for so long. when i do, that's when i'll truly be happy.

but of course, i'm not gonna deny how excited i am to do it. i'm scared, yes, but excited for the most parts. really can't wait

 

[Fktw0rld]

it's sad, don't find it happy whatsoever.

I guess it comes down to the scale of life. If you've dealt with so much misery and have zero value on life anymore than making an exit is a peaceful thought and mindset to live in. It's like, "wow, I've been carrying this 1000lb backpack for all these years and I'm finally gonna get to take it off" kind of relief. But if your misery doesn't outweigh your thoughts of making an exit than you still hold some value on life. And maybe that's your case and things can possibly get better, but your depression is preventing you from feeling that way.

 

[exitsimulation]

it's sad, don't find it happy whatsoever.

i have mixed feeling, dont get me wrong im sad about wasted potential and going out at my rock bottom but the never ending torture is over soon i at least deserve a painless death. but as a chronic pain sufferer maybe our views are different

 

[Starry Starry]

I'm not sure happy is the word I would use more like relieved to be gone from all the bullshit.

 

[FuneralCry]

If I had an peaceful and reliable way to exit I would certainly feel relieved and at peace that it's all coming to an end. The thought of being dead brings me so much comfort and it's all that I want, I hate existence, but the problem is that ctb is difficult for me personally. I envy those with N and those who can get euthanasia.

 

[Ginnn]

absolutely, right now I'm at my best days. Since I have been considering suicide I feel like a more peaceful and happy person than before. I'm also feeling more energetic and positive. I probably still have depression, but it isn't affecting me so much. Rn I'm sitting in my bed, listening to my favorite music, while my dog is sleeping next to me and high af because I just tested hanging. I feel like ctb is a total rational decision I made, and it's the best for me.

 

[chronicallybroken]

It's common to feel like this when you've come to the decision. It's often reported that people who have taken their lives seemed better or happier prior to doing it. It's one of the warning signs, in fact! Knowing this, I've had to be careful to not seem too happy to those around me

 

[theboy]

Sometimes it gives me a mini "happiness" knowing that I'm going to die. Unfortunately, I still can't work up the courage for CTB.

 

[exitsimulation]

do you mean nitrogin?

 

[Lost Magic]

For a while I was scared and unsettled with the thought of dying, but it is all I think about now. I am starting to accept and settle to the fact that I will no longer be here. I am unwanted in this world and always have been. I would say, I was more content than happy.

 

[Cryptonite]

I totally get you, it's very relieving. It's like being a prisoner and knowing you're about to get released soon.

But it's also important to remember than once the CTB date will start getting much closer, it will start becoming increasingly difficult. We need to carry on nevertheless.

 

[Hurt]

I feel happy when I think of ctb.

 

[Death is my goal]

I guess it comes down to the scale of life. If you've dealt with so much misery and have zero value on life anymore than making an exit is a peaceful thought and mindset to live in. It's like, "wow, I've been carrying this 1000lb backpack for all these years and I'm finally gonna get to take it off" kind of relief. But if your misery doesn't outweigh your thoughts of making an exit than you still hold some value on life. And maybe that's your case and things can possibly get better, but your depression is preventing you from feeling that way.

I don't believe that things can get get better by any means, it's just that I'm religious and it would hurt my family, that's why I find it sad. not because things can get any better

 

[Fktw0rld]

I don't believe that things can get get better by any means, it's just that I'm religious and it would hurt my family, that's why I find it sad. not because things can get any better

That's fully understandable. So your sadness stems from the weight of hurting those you care about and who care about you. That's a tough obstacle to conquer. As far as things getting any better; I'm in the same position. I have zero faith things will get better. Tbh, I don't want things to get better, only because I've found a peace in my carelessness and plans for exit. A peace I've never experienced throughout my lifetime. Or atleast, since I was little and still believed in santa claus.

I hope you're able to make peace with either decision you make. We all come to the Y or "fork" in the road eventually. Both roads are painful. We suffer the never ending pain of remaining here for others. Or they suffer the pain of mourning our loss.

 

[wait.what]

I've heard it's common for people to feel happiness, or at least appear happy to others, between the decision to ctb and actually carrying out their plan. This isn't something I've really experienced, although it's always been a relief to know that the option is there.

 

[suicidalpushpop]

i felt some relief when my SN arrived. i smiled as i picked up the package. so i guess i can relate even though i'm still terrified.

 

[Jimblue]

I did not set date yet, I am still trying to find N. And I still have couple of job to do.

 

[Hope:-)]

I felt some happiness about it until the date came closer. Then I became terrified.

 

[makethepainstop]

the fact i know its over soon is such a weight off, i still get scared sometimes but im the happiest ive been now i know im about to die. ioronic lol anyone else feel like this?

My friends after happily receiving my order for sn, I m positively elated! I keep researching method of execution, and am paying close attention to the other supplies I have to obtain. I don't think I have felt this happy in decades. May God bless SS and each and everyone of you that comes here.