Anyone else finally accepting harsh realities and finding relief from not being optimistic?

[Why Me?]

Most of my life I've had beliefs that caused me to belief I was capable of having a good happy life, but the truth is, I was designed to be a disaster due to my physicality, intellectual impairment, and sociopathic immediate family plus the harsh realities of this world. I've only made my life worse by believing that I would definitely have a good life and justice for what I've been thru, where now it seems like there was never a God, everything is meaningless, and luck seems to rule everything.

I think humans are more mostly like evil animals dictated by their needs, and love for pleasure. They are phony, selfish, sadistic, cowards that are kind only when they feel like it, and usually there's some self serving purpose behind it.

I used to have passionate feelings of anger, sadness and injustice thinking these feelings were righteous and God would use them to guide me into manifesting something great. Now I realize, it would have been better if I had no feelings at all.

So now I'm resting from these feelings, and embracing the reality of a meaningless existence. Even though I am still suffering because of circumstances, at least my acceptance of things is leading me to embrace death and have more and more peace with it, because it's the only thing I can look forward to at this point.

I believe I have been scammed by religion, and it made things a lot worse for me.

I generally do not like humans because of their nature. I still would of wanted to be a philanthropist but I can't even take care of myself. However, I have made charitable contributions even when I couldn't afford it (which was stupid). It's crazy to know that people can personally know my horrible circumstance and use their abundance to throw a party, or gamble knowing that it doesn't take much to really help me.

At this point, If I have the opportunity to jump from a high place to guarantee death, I will take it peacefully with no feelings. Or I will wait to create the opportunity. I will be a disaster that lived and died, that encountered terrible phony humans along the way. I was set up to horribly fail in life, after really trying my best I figured out the harsh realities, threw away my feelings, then died. As my psycho mother told me while beating me as a little girl, "I wish you were never born," I totally agree now, I can't wait for this meaningless life to be over with.

In the meantime, I will find relief in acceptance of the truth.

 

[StolenLife]

Me. My life was ruined when I was twelve, it wasn't perfect before then but at least it was bearable. Now all the options lead to misery and in ten years since then I have no memories, connections or hobbies to talk about all because I was a dumbass who chose the wrong career path. I don't want to be alive in misery just so my family would keep their narc supply. There's nowhere else to go, no one else to care and nothing else to do.
I already knew at twelve that my life will suck from this point on but I kept fighting because I still had hope and life was ahead. Now that hope is finally gone and I accept death and welcome it as a friend.

 

[Why Me?]

Me. My life was ruined when I was twelve, it wasn't perfect before then but at least it was bearable. Now all the options lead to misery and in ten years since then I have no memories, connections or hobbies to talk about all because I was a dumbass who chose the wrong career path. I don't want to be alive in misery just so my family would keep their narc supply. There's nowhere else to go, no one else to care and nothing else to do.
I already knew at twelve that my life will suck from this point on but I kept fighting because I still had hope and life was ahead. Now that hope is finally gone and I accept death and welcome it as a friend.

" I was a dumbass who chose the wrong career path. I don't want to be alive in misery just so my family would keep their narc supply. There's nowhere else to go, no one else to care and nothing else to do." I really relate to this.

 

[Shrike94]

Accepting the truth... I don't know, people that I speak to want to treat me like I still have a future like I should still try but my cognition and memmory has been damaged so much I don't stand to get anywhere. Guess it's just away to make themselves feel better

 

[Why Me?]

Accepting the truth... I don't know, people that I speak to want to treat me like I still have a future like I should still try but my cognition and memmory has been damaged so much I don't stand to get anywhere.

Sorry to hear that. I also have cognition & memory problems that have ruined my life.

 

[makethepainstop]

Most of my life I've had beliefs that caused me to belief I was capable of having a good happy life, but the truth is, I was designed to be a disaster due to my physicality, intellectual impairment, and sociopathic immediate family plus the harsh realities of this world. I've only made my life worse by believing that I would definitely have a good life and justice for what I've been thru, where now it seems like there was never a God, everything is meaningless, and luck seems to rule everything.

I think humans are more mostly like evil animals dictated by their needs, and love for pleasure. They are phony, selfish, sadistic, cowards that are kind only when they feel like it, and usually there's some self serving purpose behind it.

I used to have passionate feelings of anger, sadness and injustice thinking these feelings were righteous and God would use them to guide me into manifesting something great. Now I realize, it would have been better if I had no feelings at all.

So now I'm resting from these feelings, and embracing the reality of a meaningless existence. Even though I am still suffering because of circumstances, at least my acceptance of things is leading me to embrace death and have more and more peace with it, because it's the only thing I can look forward to at this point.

I believe I have been scammed by religion, and it made things a lot worse for me.

I generally do not like humans because of their nature. I still would of wanted to be a philanthropist but I can't even take care of myself. However, I have made charitable contributions even when I couldn't afford it (which was stupid). It's crazy to know that people can personally know my horrible circumstance and use their abundance to throw a party, or gamble knowing that it doesn't take much to really help me.

At this point, If I have the opportunity to jump from a high place to guarantee death, I will take it peacefully with no feelings. Or I will wait to create the opportunity. I will be a disaster that lived and died, that encountered terrible phony humans along the way. I was set up to horribly fail in life, after really trying my best I figured out the harsh realities, threw away my feelings, then died. As my psycho mother told me while beating me as a little girl, "I wish you were never born," I totally agree now, I can't wait for this meaningless life to be over with.

In the meantime, I will find relief in acceptance of the truth.

Relief comes from knowing a painful and hurtful life is going to end. I'll share something with you all. I really enjoy thinking about being shot, I think about the bullet wacking me in the skull, then hearing the Beatles song where their screaming helter skelter, helter skelter, as my arms fly out when the round hits me, then seeing images of myself crumpling to the ground, as a very large pool if blood starts spreading around me on the ground. OH YES BABY, HELTER SKELTER! Oh I am a disturbed little boy, The thought of dying like that makes me feel so damn good! Hope that didn't scare anyone.

 

[Why Me?]

Relief comes from knowing a painful and hurtful life is going to end. I'll share something with you all. I really enjoy thinking about being shot, I think about the bullet wacking me in the skull, then hearing the Beatles song where their screaming helter skelter, helter skelter, as my arms fly out when the round hits me, then seeing images of myself crumpling to the ground, as a very large pool if blood starts spreading around me on the ground. OH YES BABY, HELTER SKELTER! Oh I am a disturbed little boy, The thought of dying like that makes me feel so damn good! Hope that didn't scare anyone.

I understand. I've been visualizing jumping and hitting the ground extremely hard for instant death as a relief.

 

[makethepainstop]

I understand. I've been visualizing jumping and hitting the ground extremely hard for instant death as a relief.

I swear these thoughts just make one so damn happy. It's like finally seeing an end to pain, it's a feeling akin to joy. When your feeling more despondent than you normally do, thoughts of dying, with all of the gory details....are wonderful. Much love to my fellow sufferer.

 

[Why Me?]

I swear these thoughts just make one so damn happy. It's like finally seeing an end to pain, it's a feeling akin to joy. When your feeling more despondent than you normally do, thoughts of dying, with all of the gory details....are wonderful. Much love to my fellow sufferer.

Its sad that to outsiders us both feeling this way looks very disturbing, but it's not when considering the pain we've had to endure. My immediate family are the truly disturbing ones, and those that let them ruin my life.

 

[makethepainstop]

Its sad that to outsiders us both feeling this way looks very disturbing, but it's not when considering the pain we've had to endure. My immediate family are the truly disturbing ones, and those that let them ruin my life.

Gotta remember outsiders are NOT in pain as we are, so thoughts we have about ctb, sadden or scare hell out of them. If they knew our pain then they too would celebrate the departure of life.

 

[FuneralCry]

The idea that life has meaning or purpose is just a delusion. Maybe some people see life as being meaningful as they are in denial of how pointless life really is, they fear insignificance and the fact that this is all for nothing. Any kind of optimism will eventually just lead to more suffering so it's better to see life for what it really is.

I've always accepted the harsh reality of this existence and I've always seen life as being so cruel and unnecessary, it's more rational to want to be gone, where is the benefit to reaching old age and witnessing ourselves deteriorate, I see none. With life comes the unlimited potential for misery, problems and pain and the only relief for me is to permanently not exist as it's freedom from everything. The existence of life really is a horrifying thing, it's nothing more than a cruel mistake.

 

[Why Me?]

The idea that life has meaning or purpose is just a delusion. Maybe some people see life as being meaningful as they are in denial of how pointless life really is, they fear insignificance and the fact that this is all for nothing. Any kind of optimism will eventually just lead to more suffering so it's better to see life for what it really is.

I've always accepted the harsh reality of this existence and I've always seen life as being so cruel and unnecessary, it's more rational to want to be gone, where is the benefit to reaching old age and witnessing ourselves deteriorate, I see none. With life comes the unlimited potential for misery, problems and pain and the only relief for me is to permanently not exist as it's freedom from everything. The existence of life really is a horrifying thing, it's nothing more than a cruel mistake.

I used to believe life had meaning, but now the truth is undeniable. Optimism is a tool that can work, but only with luck & power. My luck is extremely awful, and I don't even have basic survival type power. So at this point I need to rest, because it is what it is. If I could push a button to die instantly, I wouldn't hesitate. I'm already in a hell that I don't deserve, and now I have to deal with sickness, tooth pain, and bunch of medical appointments I don't have energy for. For what? What is the point? My life has been some sort of cruel punishment with no meaning while real life devils have worthwhile lives with peace. I now avoid thinking of these things, because I must avoid emotions. Emotions have been a life long enemy to me, I realize now.

 

[makethepainstop]

I used to believe life had meaning, but now the truth is undeniable. Optimism is a tool that can work, but only with luck & power. My luck is extremely awful, and I don't even have basic survival type power. So at this point I need to rest, because it is what it is. If I could push a button to die instantly, I wouldn't hesitate. I'm already in a hell that I don't deserve, and now I have to deal with sickness, tooth pain, and bunch of medical don't have energy for. For what? What is the point? My life has been some sort of cruel punishment with no meaning while real life devils have worthwhile lives with peace. I now avoid thinking of these things, because I must avoid emotions. Emotions have been a life long enemy to me, I realize now.

Sounds mean of me but I have found that the only thing I could be optimistic about is cold hard death. Helter skelter, yeah helter skelter, say helter skelter, following a loud bang and an impact of a round to my skull.

 

[almaranthine]

I swear these thoughts just make one so damn happy. It's like finally seeing an end to pain, it's a feeling akin to joy. When your feeling more despondent than you normally do, thoughts of dying, with all of the gory details....are wonderful. Much love to my fellow sufferer.

Earlier today I was buying cat food at the store and visualizing myself dying in various ways... it's like a comforting meditation for me. Personally, it also helps to dissociate in any kind of social situation—less anxiety.

 

[Altvtysp]

The truth about life is that it is random and chaotic. Optimism is being unrealistic about the future which