Anyone else feels like they're being forced to ctb?

[Futile]

I don't think I ever really wanted to die, it's more like that the choice is between this and suffering forever. I would love to go out and see what life has to offers, but I simply can't because other people won't let me (and to "have fun alone" is basically a myth, you will only end up even more depressed)

In a way, this can be considered a slow homicide even if nobody actively wants to do it. I'm stuck here and there is no way to get out, except via the bus

 

[Ren Elsie Jewelria]

I understand you, I feel kind of similar. I stay at home, read comic books and manga, watch cartoons and anime because even if I wanted to go out, I don' t have a single friend to go out with. And I don't care anymore. Some time ago I started a temporary job at the place where loads of people work and I did reach out to some of them just as a social experiment, I was totally ignored. So f**k you, sheeple, I'm better off alone.

 

[ecmnesia]

unfortunately I can't relate, I don't know your background, but what is preventing you from making friends (even if it's only one) and somehow have fun?

ps. I don't mean to say it's a simple thing to do, just trying to approach the problem with a possible solution other than cbt, since you still have will to live

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

in a way yes but ultimately it is up to me to "pull the trigger" i'm definitely being pressured though. so much so that others are providing everything for me.. i'm thankful for that because i do need/want to die but if it is forced, is it ethical to put "suicide" on the death certificate?

 

[Tasdevil]

I don't feel that I am be forced to CTB. I have wanted to CTB for a long time but could never find a method I was comfortable with now I have two methods that I feel comfortable with. I have been through a lot of things and I really don't keep going much longer.

 

[Meditation guide]

to "have fun alone" is basically a myth, you will only end up even more depressed)

I can testify to that!

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

i don't know if i want to die for sure, but what i do know is i need to die. living would be nice, but i don't deserve to walk this earth as if i've done nothing wrong. so, i guess i am forcing myself to die.

 

[TreizKhushranata]

Childhood abuse and subsequent problems are forcing me to ctb. All I ever wanted was a normal life with the means of being able to support myself financially with a gf and maybe some friends. Never going to happen though.

 

[Brokensaddle]

I don't think I ever really wanted to die, it's more like that the choice is between this and suffering forever. I would love to go out and see what life has to offers, but I simply can't because other people won't let me (and to "have fun alone" is basically a myth, you will only end up even more depressed)

In a way, this can be considered a slow homicide even if nobody actively wants to do it. I'm stuck here and there is no way to get out, except via the bus

My story is that I have been abused and neglected by certain family members. Mainly my sister and mother, my sister thinks she can inherit my larger share of the house if I commit suicide. I've been told since the age of 15 to commit Suicide and that I'm worthless freak burden on them. The abuse didn't take it's a couple of years and I'm now in my mid 20s. Whole heartedly I don't wanna but the thing is I don't wanna be trapped in this abusive cycle of pain. My mental health team barely even do their job fight, it's constant struggle because I'm self destructive and it's all I've ever know

 

[Mr2005]

I don't think I ever really wanted to die, it's more like that the choice is between this and suffering forever. I would love to go out and see what life has to offers, but I simply can't because other people won't let me (and to "have fun alone" is basically a myth, you will only end up even more depressed)

In a way, this can be considered a slow homicide even if nobody actively wants to do it. I'm stuck here and there is no way to get out, except via the bus

Yes I just wrote something similar on another thread. I've got myself into such a mess it's live miserably for the rest of my life or end it now. They're the only options left. What I wouldn't give for a second chance. It's amazing so many people get it right on their first attempt. Lucky I guess or they just have the sense to know they won't get another one. Most tragic thing about life I reckon. Make a mistake and that's it. Live with it forever or die

 

[muffin222]

On the flip side, I often feel like I'm being forced to live and suffer. I'm terrified of reincarnation and having to start over in another life, and that's what keeps me here for the most part. It all boils down to fear of the unknown, I suppose. I can't bear the prospect of starting over as a baby and going through this agony again

 

[FlyMe2TheMoon]

I understand where you're coming from, but you shouldn't CTB unless you're 100% sure about it. The fact that you still have hope to live is a wonderful thing. Life is beautiful when you can enjoy it. I suggest going out and meeting other people if you're up for it. If you can't meet others IRL, consider getting social media accounts and looking for online friends. If you still want to live, it isn't your time yet.

 

[Dark Spring]

I found out something very bad that my family did, it is difficult for me to live thinking that I live with these people, it is difficult for me to live knowing what they did and they walk around the house peacefully. It is true that for years I thought that CTB was an option for me, but after knowing the truth it is very difficult for me to continue. I managed to talk to a psychologist and a psychiatrist, something helps me and joining SS makes me feel more accompanied. Luckily I have people who love me and care about me, but they don't understand the pain I feel and not CTB even for them alone.

 

[deleted]

I want to run away from my family, from this fucked up planet, and mainly from myself, my biggest enemy

 

[allym101]

I don't think I ever really wanted to die, it's more like that the choice is between this and suffering forever. I would love to go out and see what life has to offers, but I simply can't because other people won't let me (and to "have fun alone" is basically a myth, you will only end up even more depressed)

In a way, this can be considered a slow homicide even if nobody actively wants to do it. I'm stuck here and there is no way to get out, except via the bus

No, I've been able to "enjoy" life. I'm just tired though, things are mundane and pointless to me. Life is boring with or without happiness. This is 10000% my choice.

 

[Conker]

On the flip side, I often feel like I'm being forced to live and suffer. I'm terrified of reincarnation and having to start over in another life, and that's what keeps me here for the most part. It all boils down to fear of the unknown, I suppose. I can't bear the prospect of starting over as a baby and going through this agony again

I really want to kill the architects behind this trap.. Nothing would satisfy me as much as killing the root of all this evil. They govern from the shadows, and the Airs of Amnesia are their biggest shadow.

A word of advice for when your final breath comes, there's soul traffickers on the other side and they can trap you through illusions. Just be aware the war continues even after death. Don't buy into their lies, they desire to put you to sleep (amnesia) so you can be used as a battery powering their new creations.

They're the bearers of false gifts & broken promises. You can definitely be tricked into coming back here, as for being forced to reincarnate.. That can be accomplished via technological means & the building of specific machinery that would accomplish such an objective. They're far more wicked than what most people could've ever imagined. The criminal evil that's going on here is unprecedented.

Let me know if you're interested in hearing more, I feel your pain and it's still agonizing as my level of awareness became much higher.

The chains on huemanitree will only get freed once the real virus is deleted from existence. Until then, there will never be any true happiness or peace. Grasping the enormity of evil is a dangerous affair.

 

[whenlavaflows]

Yeah.
I ask myself every day if this is worth it. I have a permanent dark void in my stomach that just seeps in negativity. I'm so tired of disassociating every day.
I ask myself if any of this is worth it.

 

[Red]

I really want to kill the architects behind this trap.. Nothing would satisfy me as much as killing the root of all this evil. They govern from the shadows, and the Airs of Amnesia are their biggest shadow.

A word of advice for when your final breath comes, there's soul traffickers on the other side and they can trap you through illusions. Just be aware the war continues even after death. Don't buy into their lies, they desire to put you to sleep (amnesia) so you can be used as a battery powering their new creations.

They're the bearers of false gifts & broken promises. You can definitely be tricked into coming back here, as for being forced to reincarnate.. That can be accomplished via technological means & the building of specific machinery that would accomplish such an objective. They're far more wicked than what most people could've ever imagined. The criminal evil that's going on here is unprecedented.

Let me know if you're interested in hearing more, I feel your pain and it's still agonizing as my level of awareness became much higher.

The chains on huemanitree will only get freed once the real virus is deleted from existence. Until then, there will never be any true happiness or peace. Grasping the enormity of evil is a dangerous affair.

What is this that you speak of?

 

[There Look! Nothing]

He's talking about the archons and the demiurge of this Universe. Gnosticism

What is this that you speak of?

 

[Conker]

What is this that you speak of?

If it's already happening on the microcosm with human bodies "The most dangerous drug in the world: 'Devil's Breath' chemical from Colombia can block free will, wipe memory and even kill Scopolamine often blown into faces of victims or added to drinks. Within minutes, victims are like 'zombies' - coherent, but with no free will". Then why can it not also be happening on the macrocosm with everybody's souls?

I guess we got to get back to basics, first & foremost spirituality never was a pseudoscience. There's plenty of well hidden evidence proving that it's reality. Just don't expect them to ever put it front & center onto any television set. "I refer to the soul as an electromagnetic consciousness and spirit as the energy although a spirit may be used to describe the nature or essence of a soul."

Publically I can only share some fragments, if you want the full picture of all of my investigative findings then DM me.

 

[muffin222]

I really want to kill the architects behind this trap.. Nothing would satisfy me as much as killing the root of all this evil. They govern from the shadows, and the Airs of Amnesia are their biggest shadow.

A word of advice for when your final breath comes, there's soul traffickers on the other side and they can trap you through illusions. Just be aware the war continues even after death. Don't buy into their lies, they desire to put you to sleep (amnesia) so you can be used as a battery powering their new creations.

They're the bearers of false gifts & broken promises. You can definitely be tricked into coming back here, as for being forced to reincarnate.. That can be accomplished via technological means & the building of specific machinery that would accomplish such an objective. They're far more wicked than what most people could've ever imagined. The criminal evil that's going on here is unprecedented.

Let me know if you're interested in hearing more, I feel your pain and it's still agonizing as my level of awareness became much higher.

The chains on huemanitree will only get freed once the real virus is deleted from existence. Until then, there will never be any true happiness or peace. Grasping the enormity of evil is a dangerous affair.

Yes, I'd like to hear more

 

[Passersby]

Yes because I dont want to live the rest of my life suffering, kicking, and screaming. My suffering can't be fixed. Ctb is all there is. Now I also want to Ctb.

My life is like kicking a ball up a steep hill and thinking it's going to stay on the hill when in reality it just keeps rolling back down and hitting me in the face and knocking me to the ground every time. Then I keep kicking it up the hill like a dumb ass!

 

[nothingleft]

After struggling with this for so long, and suffering for so long, I see death as the only way out. I don't want to kill myself, I just see no other way to solve my problems. I've tried, so hard. And I'm losing myself day by day.

 

[TheSomebody]

I can't get a job, I can't have friends, I can't please anyone. Everything I need to survive in this world doesn't interest me or reject me. The only conclusion is that I don't fit into this world and the only solution is to leave.

 

[ophiastri]

Yup.

For two decades life has been screaming at the top of its lungs that I don't belong here. Everyone talks down to me, I can't make friends and even if I could I can't keep them because I get so anxious I don't want anything to do with anyone. Once they're gone, I want them back. There doesn't feel like a way for that contradiction to ever end. No therapists have been able to give me any advice that could change it.

I'm so awkward to the point I literally screw up every interaction I have.

I tried getting help to find work. I told them how hard it was for me to reach out, and still they never followed up with me or made any effort to hold up their end of the bargain and do their job after my first appointment.

No interests or talents.

Stuck living in a cycle that nothing can break and living in the past.

I've probably tried 15 medications, and the closest thing to "fixing" my brain was a benzo that stripped away my inhibitions completely and I did a thing that irreparably scarred my relationship with my mother. Didn't seem to do anything up until that dose.

It's really just an inherent understanding that reality, god, fate, or whatever you want to call it is heavily biased against some of us. Maybe we're in a simulation and they're testing to see how long we humans will endure without a single hope.

 

[Life_is_comedy]

I don't think I ever really wanted to die, it's more like that the choice is between this and suffering forever. I would love to go out and see what life has to offers, but I simply can't because other people won't let me (and to "have fun alone" is basically a myth, you will only end up even more depressed)

In a way, this can be considered a slow homicide even if nobody actively wants to do it. I'm stuck here and there is no way to get out, except via the bus

I'm really in the same boat as you. I'm trying soooo hard to pull myself out of my situation but nobody even wants to be with me. They tell me "life is beautiful" and "We're just here for you," and all that jazz while going out of their way to avoid me. Amazing that people say one thing while doing another.

 

[Skathon]

"I dream of the end of the world,
As it dreams of the end of me" ©
This disgrace of a reality forces me to depart, yet I also desire to.

 

[sadworld]

There is so much pressure forcing me to ctb. Sometimes im thinking about how everyone i know would react if i ctb and i think at first they will be sad but after that their life will get much better than before. I don't feel like i belong here, i can't enjoy things and everyone is so different to me. I hate humanity and all those selfish people.

 

[ExitTheMatrix]

If it's already happening on the microcosm with human bodies "The most dangerous drug in the world: 'Devil's Breath' chemical from Colombia can block free will, wipe memory and even kill Scopolamine often blown into faces of victims or added to drinks. Within minutes, victims are like 'zombies' - coherent, but with no free will". Then why can it not also be happening on the macrocosm with everybody's souls?

I guess we got to get back to basics, first & foremost spirituality never was a pseudoscience. There's plenty of well hidden evidence proving that it's reality. Just don't expect them to ever put it front & center onto any television set. "I refer to the soul as an electromagnetic consciousness and spirit as the energy although a spirit may be used to describe the nature or essence of a soul."

Publically I can only share some fragments, if you want the full picture of all of my investigative findings then DM me.

The singularity is going to be insanity. That's what they want eternal slaves. Singularity is around the corner. The pressure is on this life time to break free and escape from the matrix. Cause there might never be another chance.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Yes and I regret all of the suicidal ideation I had before having got to this point. I'd take it all back if I could...