Anyone else feels a strong yearning for a place called "home"?

[Jupit3rs]

There's this intense feeling i can't truly explain in words, that has been following me around since always. When i was a little kid i wondered why I couln't relate to the hapinness and love others experience... I felt lost, i still do and i don't know why. This place i'm longing for, whatever it is, sometimes makes me cry, makes me miss something I can't remember: like i'm grieving, but what exactly? There were many moments I thought i was going insane because of it, nobody else seems to understand. The only thing I'm sure is that... i need to die to know my true self, my true home. The void is certainly calling me but I don't understand what is the purpose of all of it. My dreams... sometimes i really think my dreams are memories, my childhood is like a mix of "reality" and "fantasy", but something is off, something is wrong about my existence.

I need to know if someone else feels the same, or i'm just truly mad?

 

[Lullaby]

Yes, i experience this a lot but I also have a hard time describing it. It gets more intense this time of year.

It feels like there's something missing, and I get this empty feeling inside of me. It's an intense yearning for something I don't even know.

 

[Hollowman]

I can relate, I never really feel like I belong anywhere and I'm not living the life I was supposed to.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

Yes, I wish to return to Sirius.

 

[Pluto]

Nobody actually belongs here. Your memories of the other side had to be obscured in order to visit this realm and believe that it is real.

The name of the game is to rediscover what you are all along by discarding the false ideas you have about yourself. This can be done while the body is still alive, if you are open.

 

[flightless bird]

Yes. All the time. I've had the feeling since childhood and my fantasy realms were always the same. Sometimes I see places, photos of landscapes, or a wide ocean similar to the ones in my fantasies, and they remind me of who I really am. I involuntarily sigh and cry inside. It is so fucking sad and it hurts like hell now, the longing has become unbearable since I lost my loved one, and myself along with her.

 

[CTB Dream]

Know now no hom noting need leave all life nonsense lie me leave only option had enough not want home not want anything dream home find home only injury damage get only abuse

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Never felt I had one

 

[Jupit3rs]

Nobody actually belongs here. Your memories of the other side had to be obscured in order to visit this realm and believe that it is real.

The name of the game is to rediscover what you are all along by discarding the false ideas you have about yourself. This can be done while the body is still alive, if you are open.

How can you do that tho? i really want answers... but i haven't found anything that can help me understand. If this is a game, i just want to quit, it's so much suffering here...

Yes. All the time. I've had the feeling since childhood and my fantasy realms were always the same. Sometimes I see places, photos of landscapes, or a wide ocean similar to the ones in my fantasies, and they remind me of who I really am. I involuntarily sigh and cry inside. It is so fucking sad and it hurts like hell now, the longing has become unbearable since I lost my loved one, and myself along with her.

I'm sorry that you are going through that... This longing is also killing me slowly, I write sometimes about it, but it's so hard, I end up crying all the time just thiking about it.
My dreams are not consistent, but sometimes i see pictures of random places that just look similar to my fantasies and I get so sad... I wonder if my name is my real name, i wonder if this body is just a vessel... idk just so difficult to explain

 

[Pluto]

How can you do that tho? i really want answers... but i haven't found anything that can help me understand. If this is a game, i just want to quit, it's so much suffering here...

I hear you! Wanting to quit is a very good sign; a sign of spiritual maturity. Like a school, the idea is to graduate, not to turn it into an endless party.

I made a thread on the topic previously which covers the basics. I'd suggest taking a look as a primer. Then please let me know your questions.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/the-essence-of-eastern-philosophy.91629/

 

[makethepainstop]

You might he remembering a previous life that was better for you than your current life. You might not see scenes from it, but you could feel that that life was"home" for you. Much love to you. If funds are available you might consider a few past life regression hypnosis sessions. They can be most enlightening.

 

[hopelessgirl]

yes

 

[Shivali]

Yes! It seems to me that I lost home since I was born. My whole life I am homesick. Maybe I will return home when I died ...

 

[Astral Storm]

Gosh. I relate to this so much. It's like a really deep longing. I just know that I don't belong here. This place is a hollow hellscape. There's just nothing here for me, but when I dream it's something else, like it has nothing to do with this place. Sometimes I have dreams about endless love and peace, but I am forced to wake up. I just need to cry when I think about it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that I was never meant for this world, there is nothing for me here and there could never be. There is no feeling of relief or comfort in this life, only endless emptiness and misery.

I've always felt like this, like I cannot relate to anything in this world, everything just makes me feel more and more tired and I believe that the eternal nothingness is where I belong as I was fine then before I was forced to exist. The non existent have no problems or concerns and this is why the thought of death brings me comfort.

 

[leeloosnow]

There's this intense feeling i can't truly explain in words, that has been following me around since always. When i was a little kid i wondered why I couln't relate to the hapinness and love others experience... I felt lost, i still do and i don't know why. This place i'm longing for, whatever it is, sometimes makes me cry, makes me miss something I can't remember: like i'm grieving, but what exactly? There were many moments I thought i was going insane because of it, nobody else seems to understand. The only thing I'm sure is that... i need to die to know my true self, my true home. The void is certainly calling me but I don't understand what is the purpose of all of it. My dreams... sometimes i really think my dreams are memories, my childhood is like a mix of "reality" and "fantasy", but something is off, something is wrong about my existence.

I need to know if someone else feels the same, or i'm just truly mad?

ironically i just wrote about that feeling. i guessed that void would be a familiar sense to some folks here but not to the extent somebody else is writing about basically the exact same thing at the exact same time

 

[its-about-time]

I feel similarly, I have thoughts about where my home is but they are not considered shared reality. I'm not sure if that matters. But I too need to die to get back there. Looking for it in this life doesn't feel like it makes sense, because it isn't the point. Most people don't get that, they just think I feel that way because I'm not well. Sad but glad to know I'm not alone.

 

[Klophy]

Yes, definitely. I've had that feeling since I was a kid.

I've never felt a sense of belonging here there's always been a feeling of 'disconnect' and longing for something else. I could never pinpoint the exact feeling but those words are probably the closest to it.

It also doesn't help that I suffer from maladaptive daydreaming. I've spent hours at a time completely zoned out and detached, losing myself in fantasies.

 

[Nekohime]

It's like that saying - something like 'some of us do not belong in this world, we are merely just passing by', I feel I can relate to that :)

 

[akirat9]

yes, a home in death
that way i could, you get it

 

[Disappointered]

Yes. Even though I am lucky to have never been without a physical home - a roof that is relatively safe - I have always felt homeless in a different sense. I used to have a recurring nightmare about missing a train or streetcar (or bus!) or getting on the wrong one and suddenly realizing that I'm lost and can't get to where I need to go.

 

[nembutal]

there is no home, the journey you take towards finding your "home" should be your home.

 

[actual_fox]

I want to go home too
I can't wait. I hope It will be fast and painless and I won't hurt anybody with my passing.

 

[LittleJem]

I always had this thought in my head from a young age of wanting to 'go home'. I used to believe it was a spiritual place maybe before this life.

 

[whywere]

I have never ever in my life of 66 plus years said this to anyone, this is a real first for me, so please no mean posts.

I have always since I can remember, like 1960, yikes! that I was NEVER EVER supposed to be on this earth. I either was put on the wrong planet, dimension or if this earth millions of years from now.

All my life I have never understood greed, ego, envy, self-center Ness, everything "bad" in a lot of humans. So backward and never ever can see past their damn noses.

The one bright spot has been here on SS, I find all the folks here so sincere, kind, non-judgmental, just wonderful folks from all over the globe and every walk of life, so wonderful!

Besides massive depression, BPD, heck everything, what
I mentioned a t the start drives me over the edge sometimes.

OH, heavens and I have to work with those type, no wonder suicide thoughts get in my mind so, so often.

Walter

 

[ImsooDone1N]

I can relate. I think @Lullaby put it best. I feel so empty & it's getting worse each day. I don't even know what happiness would be like anymore. I don't know what's happening to me. It's there is nothing here for me anymore. It's a horrible feeling. I'm sure I've said this before- but i wouldn't wish these loneliness/emptiness/lack of purpose feelings on anyone. It's just a horrible terrifying lost feeling… and I Know NO ONE is gonna help.

 

[squidhead]

There is a welsh word for this: hiraeth. A deep longing for home mixed with nostalgia.

Also a poem, unsure if I can post links, so ill copy the text.

Hiraeth beckons with wordless call,
Hear, my soul, with heart enthrall'd.
Hiraeth whispers while earth I roam;
Here I wait the call "come home."
Like seagull cry, like sea borne wind,
That speak with words beyond my ken,
A heartfelt cry with words unsaid,
Calls a wanderer home instead.
I heed your call, Hiraeth, I come
On westward path to hearth and home.
My path leads on to western shore,
My heart tells me there is yet more.
Within my ears the sea air sighs;
The sunset glow, it fills my eyes.
I stand at edge of sea and earth,
My bare feet washed in gentle surf.
Hiraeth's longing to call me on,
Here, on shore, in setting sun.
Hiraeth calls past sunset fire,
"Look beyond, come far higher!"

I, too, feel this way. I have never felt any sense of belonging on this earth, no matter where I`ve been. I feel like an alien trying to blend in and failing constantly.

 

[Musichater]

My literal home used to be fairly soothing. But since a bar blaring super loud live music every night for long hours opened nearby, I lost the only thing closest to physical sanctuary. And music has since become my number one trigger.

 

[Summer Child]

I feel like that. But for me it's a place that doesn't exist. Used to want to find it, but, things have been better for me since I accepted that I never will. Better as in I'm not just always searching for a place to fit in, and just being disappointed constantly.

 

[wrong_f-ing_planet]

There's this intense feeling i can't truly explain in words, that has been following me around since always. When i was a little kid i wondered why I couln't relate to the hapinness and love others experience... I felt lost, i still do and i don't know why. This place i'm longing for, whatever it is, sometimes makes me cry, makes me miss something I can't remember: like i'm grieving, but what exactly? There were many moments I thought i was going insane because of it, nobody else seems to understand. The only thing I'm sure is that... i need to die to know my true self, my true home. The void is certainly calling me but I don't understand what is the purpose of all of it. My dreams... sometimes i really think my dreams are memories, my childhood is like a mix of "reality" and "fantasy", but something is off, something is wrong about my existence.

I need to know if someone else feels the same, or i'm just truly mad?

Yes. Have felt this way my entire life. The feeling has grown more intense the older I get. The only time the feeling is not as strong is when I am outside in nature but I live an hour away from any real nature.