Anyone else feel too depressed to live yet too anxious to die?

[rustinpeacepolaris]

I am 100% sure I want to die. Everyday feels pointless. I don't do anything productive and I am almost homeless. But my anxiety makes it to where I can't die. Everyday I think about killing myself in graphic ways, Yet when I go to do it (eg: kick the chair, throw myself under a train) my body freezes up and I just start to cry. Anyone else experience this?

 

[schizochicken]

Its called survival instinct, its engrained in our nature. Suicide is unnatural. One has to overcome SI in order to CTB

 

[FutureHanger]

when I saw the title I thought you weren't sure but you say you are completely certain you want to die, in that case it's SI and the pain of your methods understandably makes it worse. Not gonna encourage or tell you what method to use but if it helps to know, it just takes 5-15 secs to go unconscious with full suspension

 

[Don’tfallin]

That sums up my mood atm

 

[Valky]

Absolutely, I am partly also just kinda too lazy to ctb (my motivation levels for existing and dying are sometimes both somewhere underground).
Both is hard, both means having to open up for the unknown but life is obviously still way more familiar than death and it is more than normal to cling onto that.

 

[Meteora]

I can relate to what you experience. Is it possible that some part of you still hopes and wants to keep living? It s difficult if one is torn. And its so horrible to alternate between depression, desperation, hoplessness and anxiety, incapability of doing the last step.

 

[Umacon]

Its called survival instinct, its engrained in our nature. Suicide is unnatural. One has to overcome SI in order to CTB

This is what keeps me from CBT.
F.... G SI

 

[rustinpeacepolaris]

Its called survival instinct, its engrained in our nature. Suicide is unnatural. One has to overcome SI in order to CTB
Fuck SI. I hate it more than my ex.
when I saw the title I thought you weren't sure but you say you are completely certain you want to die, in that case it's SI and the pain of your methods understandably makes it worse. Not gonna encourage or tell you what method to use but if it helps to know, it just takes 5-15 secs to go unconscious with full suspension
really?

 

[wait.what]

I've been feeling better for the past few months, but yeah, that's been my baseline state for most of my life.

 

[Tionally]

i feel the same way. I feel so directionless and pointless. nothing I do brings me any satisfaction and I just waste away. I feel bad too often and yet even with no plans or hopes I'm still afraid to ctb. I guess dying's scary but it's not like I even tried to do it yet so I'll see when I actually start doing something about that. though finding motivation to make plans to ctb is also hard

 

[InAgony]

I too am 100% certain and don't just want to die, I feel I need to die, but whenever I go to do it, the fear of pain, possibly not dying and an afterlife are too hard to overcome. It's the worst state to be in. Unbearable, in fact.

 

[Byebyemap]

We should all meet up and run over the cliff together. How would that be? A lot of us together?

 

[BitSad]

Basically a 'natural' limbo.

 

[Soontobegoner]

when I saw the title I thought you weren't sure but you say you are completely certain you want to die, in that case it's SI and the pain of your methods understandably makes it worse. Not gonna encourage or tell you what method to use but if it helps to know, it just takes 5-15 secs to go unconscious with full suspension

This is what I am banking on.... Once start hanging.... Whatever may be pain... You can't escape out and death is surer

 

[Gonnerr]

Yes that's me right now.

 

[MiMif]

Kinda I guess...but not anxious to die.

It's more like I can't bring myself to do it. Before I attempted without a second thought. However recently when I think of ctbing I know I wouldn't be able to go through with it.

I go into maladaptive daydreaming and imagine myself jumping from a building, hanging my body, and shooting myself in the head.

However I've held a gun before...it was heavy...when I imagine that weight in my hand and putting it to my head and pulling the trigger I freak out.

I want someone to kill me

 

[Ferdinand Bardamu]

Thats a pretty common feeling.

 

[lifewasawillowtv]

Yeah that's pretty much it. Stuck in between life and death like some fucked up purgatory.

 

[sserafim]

Yeah, I'm anxious and scared to ctb because I don't want to fail and end up with permanent damage. I don't want to end up even worse than I started…

Yeah that's pretty much it. Stuck in between life and death like some fucked up purgatory.

Life itself is a purgatory

 

[VoidedExistence]

i have been wanting to die since 2020 and only attempted a handful of times

 

[Raven2]

Yea I can relate to these feelings, damn SI

 

[NullSz00]

Definitely, I think this defines the best about how I feel every day...