Anyone else feel this way?

[emgrl]

It's not even so much that I want to die. I think it's human nature to Not want to die. I just don't want to live this way anymore, and the only way to accomplish that, is to CTB. When you know nothing is going to change, because it has to do with your physical being that Cannot be changed, no amount of medication nor therapy can help. Anyone else feel this way?

 

[Sick of it all]

I feel the exact same way.

 

[emgrl]

I feel the exact same way.

It's the worst feeling, and it's not like you can go around talking about CTB.

 

[Sick of it all]

At least we have this place. We can be who we really are and Express our feelings about CTB. If I hadn't found this place I have a feeling I would have already CTB and probably would have screwed it up.

 

[emgrl]

At least we have this place. We can be who we really are and Express our feelings about CTB. If I hadn't found this place I have a feeling I would have already CTB and probably would have screwed it up.

I was looking up ways to CTB, and I happened upon this site. It's taught me a lot, and I'm so grateful for it.

 

[Sick of it all]

It's been my knowledgeable saving grace. The irony. I just feel accepted and cared for here. Plus looking up all the methods has opened my eyes to all the possibilities.

 

[emgrl]

It's been my knowledgeable saving grace. The irony. I just feel accepted and cared for here. Plus looking up all the methods has opened my eyes to all the possibilities.

Same for me. I thought I knew what my method would be until I read threads here. It's funny, the same method that led me here, is the method SS has convinced me not to try. A few people have recently been successful with the method I'm going to use. My biggest fear at this point, is failing.

 

[Sick of it all]

I think that is most people's fear. No one wants to end up as a veritable hooked up to a bunch of machines, especially if you are suffering. I was originally going to use a shotgun but I have decided on a different method since I don't want to subject anyone to having clean my brains and blood up. This place is very informative with methods and has opened my eyes wide. Now I just need to build up the courage to follow through. The time is almost right, just have to get some ducks in a row.

 

[emgrl]

I think that is most people's fear. No one wants to end up as a veritable hooked up to a bunch of machines, especially if you are suffering. I was originally going to use a shotgun but I have decided on a different method since I don't want to subject anyone to having clean my brains and blood up. This place is very informative with methods and has opened my eyes wide. Now I just need to build up the courage to follow through. The time is almost right, just have to get some ducks in a row.

I don't think I'd be able to do it that way, just too brutal for me. I understand your reasoning for it, though. It has such a great success rate. You're right, this place has so much info that's helped me figure my method. Like you, the time is almost right for me… countdown is on.

 

[foreverfalling]

CTB is just a means to an end. If everyone in the world started to care for each other without judgement then life may not be so bad. There is no chance of that happening, the world isn't going to change for you. Wishing you good luck.

 

[Sick of it all]

Yea it is the easiest way to go, as far as suffering and the such but I just care too much to subject anyone to finding me. Even a trained professional would be taken aback. I'm looking for a less brutal solution for sure. I'd do SN but it seems like there is a lot of prep and drugs I can not get a hold of. I'm considering VSED at the moment as it is said to be pretty peaceful and only takes on average, 3 days or so. I could die in a hospital where I hope they would make me comfortable when I refuse any saving measures.

 

[Rounded Agony]

I think very very people actually want to die. As @foreverfalling says, what we want is to escape the hell that living has become; what we want is the opposite of one's life, which is death. Unfortunately the only way there is by dying, which every fibre of our animal being inherently opposes. I was reading an interesting thread earlier today where someone had heard tales of people surviving attempts at things like hanging and hypothermia without being found, as while unconscious they had somehow gotten themselves out of their circumstance.

And here I was afraid I might change my mind last minute with a non-instantaneous method, yeesh. My body might literally fight me. As of now I think instantaneity is an absolutely necessary condition of my path, which shrinks the option pool quite a bit for many reaosns...

 

[emgrl]

Yea it is the easiest way to go, as far as suffering and the such but I just care too much to subject anyone to finding me. Even a trained professional would be taken aback. I'm looking for a less brutal solution for sure. I'd do SN but it seems like there is a lot of prep and drugs I can not get a hold of. I'm considering VSED at the moment as it is said to be pretty peaceful and only takes on average, 3 days or so. I could die in a hospital where I hope they would make me comfortable when I refuse any saving measures.

Are you very ill where you can be in a hospital to be able to VSED? If so, I'm so sorry. I was going to use SN, too, but it doesn't seem as peaceful and painless as I first thought. Plus, I'm not able to get the "luxury medication" required, either.

 

[Sick of it all]

I'm not I'll but I figure if I go in on day 3 then they won't have much of a choice. The supreme court has said that you have a right to refuse food or drink in a medical setting. If I was terminal then I'd move to one of the states that allow assisted suicide. Sadly all my diseases are mental ones.

 

[emgrl]

I'm not I'll but I figure if I go in on day 3 then they won't have much of a choice. The supreme court has said that you have a right to refuse food or drink in a medical setting. If I was terminal then I'd move to one of the states that allow assisted suicide. Sadly all my diseases are mental ones.

I see what you're saying, the trick is getting yourself admitted into the hospital in the first place.

 

[Sick of it all]

Exactly. I don't think that it would be viable in early stages of VSED but at the end I can see going to the hospital. It would help with not having my family to deal with me as I wither away.

 

[emgrl]

Exactly. I don't think that it would be viable in early stages of VSED but at the end I can see going to the hospital. It would help with not having my family to deal with me as I wither away.

my family is the only reason I haven't already CTB, I'm not able to wait much longer, though.

 

[Sick of it all]

I have a small family but I also have a kid who struggles with mental illness too and I fear what losing me will do to him. I love him dearly but he makes CTB a lot harder because I don't want him to suffer. My brother also lives with me but he would be able to go on if I took my trip. Today I explained to him what kind of head space I'm in but didn't dare mention my CTB feelings. I figure that is what a goodbye note is for.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Yes. I dont want to die. Id prefer to live, only as the way i want to. Since i cant, dying is the only choice.

 

[y'ffre]

It's not even so much that I want to die. I think it's human nature to Not want to die. I just don't want to live this way anymore, and the only way to accomplish that, is to CTB. When you know nothing is going to change, because it has to do with your physical being that Cannot be changed, no amount of medication nor therapy can help. Anyone else feel this way?

You prefer existence over non-existence, I guess.
Yeah, me too. I want to live desperately.
We humans don't want to suffer, just like every living being.
I wish you find peace one way or another.