Venting Anyone else feel like this?

[Anon7b8]

So you already want to ctb but you don't have everything mapped out yet. Then you go to a certain place or interact with a certain person, the urge/want/will to catch the bus just spikes up exponentially?

 

[zurukunai]

yeah. there was one particular person that made me want to do it immediately after about 50% of the conversations i had with him. i initiated attempts to multiple times. fuck that dumb ass poser stoic ivory tower douche bag

 

[jellie]

yes, I know what you mean.

it is not every day that I feel the urge to CTB, sometimes being around my closest friends increases my urge to CTB because I begin to imagine how they would feel and what they would say about me at my funeral, Self-centered I know. Other times when I get into an argument, my urge to CTB increases out of some weird sort of spite. Imagining how they'd feel if the last thing they ever said to me was something horrible.

But more importantly:
If someone is consistently making you feel like shit, fuck them. you should only CTB on your terms. this is meant to be a peaceful transition if you choose it as your path.

 

[Anon7b8]

yeah. there was one particular person that made me want to do it immediately after about 50% of the conversations i had with him. i initiated attempts to multiple times. fuck that dumb ass poser stoic ivory tower douche bag

I'm sorry you had to go through with that and met such a person.

If someone is consistently making you feel like shit, fuck them. you should only CTB on your terms. this is meant to be a peaceful transition if you choose it as your path.

Sadly that someone is my father. Narcissistic controlling SOB. made the family business bankrupt, dragged the whole family down with him. He still doesn't understand that i have no future anymore because of him, dragged me into this business that i poured my life into with barely any pay, stunted my growth as a person, and still has the fucking balls to console me or some other shit.

 

[zurukunai]

I'm sorry you had to go through with that and met such a person.


Sadly that someone is my father. Narcissistic controlling SOB. made the family business bankrupt, dragged the whole family down with him. He still doesn't understand that i have no future anymore because of him, dragged me into this business that i poured my life into with barely any pay, stunted my growth as a person, and still has the fucking balls to console me or some other shit.

my father's family was similar. they were con artists and did this sort of thing cyclically. my father rebelled against them but ended up coming back to take care of his parents in their retirement. he drank himself to death and died before both of his parents.

 

[Anon7b8]

my father's family was similar. they were con artists and did this sort of thing cyclically. my father rebelled against them but ended up coming back to take care of his parents in their retirement. he drank himself to death and died before both of his parents.

Well... Your father is in a good place now hopefully.

 

[dialogos]

Whenever I look in my almost empty wallet

 

[Anon7b8]

Whenever I look in my almost empty wallet

At least you have something in it. Mine has too bug a hole that money just passes thru.

 

[barbie]

I'm sorry you have to deal with horrible people that push you a little bit closer to wanting to die. I get it too.

Kinda there now.

I'm a little bit different than you in that I have mapped out how to ctb but I'm scared about not being able to follow through.

If you're curious about the plan:
Getting N is hard here cause it's regulated (I'm in Asia) so I applied to work as a receptionist at a veterinary clinic and hoping to get to know the place so I can steal N and ctb.

Problem is I have never stolen anything in my life, so I'm mega scared about that.
Maybe something for you to consider as a plan?

 

[Anon7b8]

I'm sorry you have to deal with horrible people that push you a little bit closer to wanting to die. I get it too.

Kinda there now.

I'm a little bit different than you in that I have mapped out how to ctb but I'm scared about not being able to follow through.

If you're curious about the plan:
Getting N is hard here cause it's regulated (I'm in Asia) so I applied to work as a receptionist at a veterinary clinic and hoping to get to know the place so I can steal N and ctb.

Problem is I have never stolen anything in my life, so I'm mega scared about that.
Maybe something for you to consider as a plan?

Sorry to hear that... the world really is a lot crueler lately. I've already got sn(also from asia). Just working out on some kinks. Upping the percentage as they say... Your plan is good. As long as they don't do daily inventory or check your bag when you go out, you can pretty much just put it in your bag. Check cctv angles too if they have it.

 

[barbie]

Sorry to hear that... the world really is a lot crueler lately. I've already got sn(also from asia). Just working out on some kinks. Upping the percentage as they say... Your plan is good. As long as they don't do daily inventory or check your bag when you go out, you can pretty much just put it in your bag. Check cctv angles too if they have it.

Omg you lucky!! Is it easy to get sn where you are?

Yeah the CCTV is what freaks me out. They have it pointed to the place directly. And no bag checking far as I know. Thank you though, appreciate your support. For obvs reasons can't really tell the people in my life what I'm planning. But talking about my plans to a stranger on the internet who wants to do the same thing is extremely comforting

 

[Anon7b8]

Omg you lucky!! Is it easy to get sn where you are?

Yeah the CCTV is what freaks me out. They have it pointed to the place directly. And no bag checking far as I know. Thank you though, appreciate your support. For obvs reasons can't really tell the people in my life what I'm planning. But talking about my plans to a stranger on the internet who wants to do the same thing is extremely comforting

You can dm me anytime whilst i haven't sorted everything out if you want someone to talk to

 

[Ambivalent1]

Spikes up? No. The opposite

 

[アホペンギン]

I already have a plan, just waiting for my supplies to arrive now but I have been experiencing this for the past few months. I hate it.