starshotplagues
Member
- Dec 11, 2019
- 16
I wasn't meant to live in this world and there are no plans for me other than my cowardly end. i guess some of us are worthless and have no purpose in life.
realistically speaking, this world is the ABSOLUTE SH*ts for womenRather like that world is not meant for me...
I maybe could be happy in a better world that didn't hurt me so much.
I was just thinking this today. I'm so weak. I don't compare to anyone my age around me. I never have. I've always been weak and cowardly. I honestly don't see a future for me. I just don't think that I am capable. I legit fuck up everything.
But these two especially...Yea def. I've always felt too delicate and sensitive, easily taking on emotions of others and always feeling deep empathy for others. Frequently percevied their bad moods as if it was my fault, esp as a child, constantly questioning myself, and couldn't feel comfortable until I made it right somehow. Had a bend-over-backwards complex for people even if they were assholes. Easily taken advantage of. Being around people in general drains my energy, and I always felt I would need to be alone to recharge. I'm too naive and too innocent in some ways as well. Always pretty cowardly, but good about hiding it. LOTS OF ANXIETY.
oh Christ your post hits right home. i was supposed to die as a newborn too; hypoxia. i wish, i wish, i wish i could've just died when i was born prematurely... i was a very sensitive child in the same manner that you described and my mother would always berate me for getting upset for it rather than "taking it as an opportunity to grow stronger". you could've plucked those words from my diary, i swear.When I was a child I was way too sensitive, I'd cry everytime someone said something mean. The years of abuse and pressure to succeed absolutely broke me. However, I know others who were bullied and had it worse in general but it didn't leave consenquences for them afterwards. While everyone else grew stronger from bad experiences, I grew even weaker. Most of my grade school days I'd spend the recess staring out of a window wishing I were somewhere else. I am wired differently from everyone else.This all makes much more sense when I remember I was suppossed to die as a newborn. I'm here on an accident. The world doesn't need me, I don't need it either.
it's more that I feel like I am here as some sort of punishment. No matter how much I really try to change my life, to always act kind, to be a good person, to work harder....etc it really is as though some sort of 'fate' tries to get the better of me, that anything 'good' that happens turns out to be a cruel illusion and eventually things go back to being bad again