Venting anyone else feel like they literally will never matter until they die?

[drinkthenectar]

one thing ive realized recently and its crushing is that i literally would never matter until i die. no one cares about me while im alive. they only dont want me to die because its a fucked up thing to happen. they dont want to feel like its their fault, like they didnt do enough, like they failed me. but they dont actually care about losing me as long as im alive. they'll never love me, they'll never try to make me feel loved or happy. they never see me as important. they wouldnt be affected if instead of killing myself i just walk away. they all just dont want to feel like its their fault thats all. and it hurts so much. to know that i'll only mean something when im gone. i didnt do it on my birthday 10 days ago because i got scared again. but i need to do it soon. somehow i will. i cant keep living here when all the people i love doesnt love me back the same way.

 

[iloverachel]

I feel I won't.matter even after I die

 

[F@#$]

I don't matter dead or alive.

 

[ctbcat]

i feel similar, ish? i believe i'm nothing, and death is my chance to be 'something' - especially because the state of my nonexistence means i can be interpreted in so many different ways...

i suppose yes, becoming something is quite akin to 'matter'ing, so.... i believe i have nothing to offer the world, but death is so complex and impactful... if i get lucky, or rather, if i manage to be enough of a destructive bitch... i long to be a part of that impact

 

[BlendedHeart]

I don't matter. My feelings and emotions have no value. My words and actions are ignored everywhere.

After I die, it will be the same, so what's the point to exist.

 

[rozeske]

It doesn't matter if I only matter after I die.

 

[Mi Mi]

one thing ive realized recently and its crushing is that i literally would never matter until i die. no one cares about me while im alive. they only dont want me to die because its a fucked up thing to happen. they dont want to feel like its their fault, like they didnt do enough, like they failed me. but they dont actually care about losing me as long as im alive. they'll never love me, they'll never try to make me feel loved or happy. they never see me as important. they wouldnt be affected if instead of killing myself i just walk away. they all just dont want to feel like its their fault thats all. and it hurts so much. to know that i'll only mean something when im gone. i didnt do it on my birthday 10 days ago because i got scared again. but i need to do it soon. somehow i will. i cant keep living here when all the people i love doesnt love me back the same way.

I don't matter at all.
I believe when I die nothing will change because I wasn't loved while here so when I'm gone it's just expected.
It does hurt but that's just how it is.

 

[UKscotty]

I think we matter even less when dead.

 

[junko]

Am genuinely sorry you feel this way. Can relate. Awful.

Am a burden to those around me. Even living alone, Consistently have been told as much by friends, family. Do not ask for anything from anyone and ppl still complain about me.

Only lovers have cared and that is bc they all used me. If I wasn't useful to significant others, they wouldn't care, either .

Will just be another burden when I die. Ppl will not mourn me. Sad. Perhaps i was born to make others lives difficult. Think I have done good job , unintentionally