Anyone else feel bad for your parents once you ctb?

[Singing In The Rain]

I really don't want to hurt them with my suicide, but life is just unbearable for me now. It's a tough situation because I can't go on too much longer yet I don't want to hurt them. But they need to understand I'm suffering. If they love me, they'll let me go. I wish I could talk to them about suicide but they couldn't handle it. Sorry mum and dad.

 

[Virgo]

No

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry your in a really tough situation. I also question the same thing too. I would say, yes your feelings are valid and you are entitled to feel what you feel, even if you do feel bad for your parents. I feel a little bad for my parents, but ultimately, I know that death will always be sad for them, however, I can't drag this on forever or sacrifice my well-being and interests just for the sake of them (or anyone for the matter). While I can be angry at them for conceiving me and bringing me into this world (I'm an anti-natalist btw), I can't fully blame them as part of human nature is to procreate and they do enjoy sex. Perhaps in the earlier days, a few decades ago, sex education isn't as widespread and their lives were different too.

As for your situation, yes I agree that if they really love you, then they will respect your decision and eventually accept that you are at peace (even if they are sad from your death).

 

[Singing In The Rain]

Thank you for you're understanding. Yeah it has to be the biggest issue I'm facing now. Is not wanting to hurt them.

 

[OkTotti]

Yes, i do. It will break their hearts which always makes me hesitate when I seriously think of CTB. Ultimately whether i decide to CTB is because of my depressing life

 

[bigj75]

fuck em. A lot of people are here because of their parents.

 

[weedoge]

My feelings waver a lot, I can understand why anyone would give up on me, but I still don't think she should have.

 

[Singing In The Rain]

fuck em. A lot of people are here because of their parents.

True but my parents have always been good to me. So I'd feel bad for ctbing. That's just me anyway.

 

[Misanthrope]

We all hurt each other equally, suicide will hurt them, you being forced to live will hurt you. There are no winners in this. Regardless the world will keep turning. Grief eventually fades becoming a somber memory and those who grieve for you will eventually turn to dust and remember nothing. What does it all mean I don't know. The fact you care though means you obviously have love for the people in your life. Although I doubt they will ever respect your decision because they love you. It just goes too much against ingrained nature of decent parents to be protective towards their kids. It does not matter if you are eight or forty.

Sure I feel bad for them when I leave them behind. But they are not living my daily pain and are in no position to help resolve it regardless of what well meaning intent they may have. Sorrow and loss are simply natural aspects of life unfortunately.

 

[bigj75]

True but my parents have always been good to me. So I'd feel bad for ctbing. That's just me anyway.

For you specifically I understand your view but you have to look at it from a all around perspective.

You have to do what's best for yourself regardless of your family.

 

[TiredHorse]

My suicide will demolish my mother, whom I love, and who has been unbelievably supportive of me --far, far above and beyond the call of maternal duty-- emotionally, morally, financially. Anticipating her pain has certainly held me back in the past, and I suspect has contributed significantly to my recent failures and subsequent dragging of feet for my next attempt. She knows I've tried to ctb recently, I've spoken to her openly about my intentions to ctb, and I know she understands the pain I'm in --and to her credit she has not tried to call in the authorities on me-- but that won't lessen her loss. Her relationship with my sister is deeply troubled, so I'm the kid she always reaches out to, shares her artistic feelings with, relates to on a genuinely deep level. Yes, I will feel very, very bad for her.

My father is a narcissistic ass; in his mind I exist only as his avatar. He and I email daily, but he lives in Italy, I live in the US, and that's quite close enough for that close relative, thank you very much. I refuse to be in the same room with him. I couldn't care less how he feels about my death. In some ways, I hope there's an afterlife from which I can view how he reacts to the death of his avatar. That might be quite interesting. No, I won't feel bad for him in the slightest.

It is deeply against the societally-perceived "natural order" for a parent to outlive their child. It will be devastating for them. But to continue living is more than I can do.

 

[RainAndSadness]

I don't feel bad actually. Simply because I never asked to be born, therefore it should be my universal right to leave whenever I desire, right? And honestly, my parents didn't do a great job in raising their kids. They divorced when I was 6 years old and that's simply not appropriate I think. My mom told me when it happened, I started to chew my fingernails. So I guess it was a very traumatic event for me because I'm still doing it. I wish I had a real family, I never really had one sadly. My family doesn't really talk to each other, it's very complicated. But I don't worry too much about my parents.

 

[stargazer]

No.

I'm more of a burden to them right now.

Besides, once I adopted this mindset for so long now, I've become rather de-sensitised.

 

[J Tizzle]

No. My mom is a toxic, abusive women. We haven't spoken since March and I know we're both happier for it. My dad abandoned me and my mom and died of a heroin overdose when I was 8.

I have a hard time thinking about my sister, however. She already struggles with alcohol and other drugs and I know she won't handle it well.

I have a really hard time thinking about my friends. I know they love me. I'm in recovery and today I went to a friends celebration. The guy who sexually assaulted me (confessed to the cops, was arrested, then bailed out) was there. I haven't seen him since it happened. I sat next to a close friend, stared down the mother fucker, and he eventually left early. My friend looked at me with a big smile and said, "I am so proud of you." I was hit with guilt and sadness as soon as she said it. I'm going to let her down. But I also know that on some level she will understand. And I know the pain of losing a friend does get easier over time.

 

[VikehJay]

Yes, my parents are incredibly great people, especially my mother. Both my parents lost their fathers at a very young age, and had to struggle. They had a very hard life, and they made sure I didn't suffer the same fate growing up.

They don't know what I am going through, as I present a stoic front. It would absolutely devastate them (and they are on the older side of the scale, 70+, a good 40 years my senior).

 

[Lifeisatrap]

One of us is gonna have to watch the other die eitherway. I didn't ask to be born and don't have an obligation to live for anyone. Call it selfish, insensitive... I don't care, just the way I feel.

 

[Miss clefable]

My mum is dead I never had a father he ran away before I was born and well the rest of the family have exiled me because I'm trans.I do miss my mum even though she was abusive when drunk having to see her lay in a pool of her own blood and police always checking on me because she would ring them saying that she stabbed me in the middle of the night she even could me a mistake and I believe she's right my own dad tried to kill me before I was born so yeah

 

[Eren]

Yes, I feel extremely bad about that, and that is precisely what prevents my CTB, especially my mother. She knows that I have suicidal thoughts, and that I also had some attempt, when I have ever brought up the subject it was fatal, I do not want to destroy her life but I do not want to continue living, I feel in a prison.

 

[Eren]

My mum is dead I never had a father he ran away before I was born and well the rest of the family have exiled me because I'm trans.I do miss my mum even though she was abusive when drunk having to see her lay in a pool of her own blood and police always checking on me because she would ring them saying that she stabbed me in the middle of the night she even could me a mistake and I believe she's right my own dad tried to kill me before I was born so yeah

I did not know that your family situation was so serious, I'm sorry, hugs.

 

[Eren]

I don't feel bad actually. Simply because I never asked to be born, therefore it should be my universal right to leave whenever I desire, right? And honestly, my parents didn't do a great job in raising their kids. They divorced when I was 6 years old and that's simply not appropriate I think. My mom told me when it happened, I started to chew my fingernails. So I guess it was a very traumatic event for me because I'm still doing it. I wish I had a real family, I never really had one sadly. My family doesn't really talk to each other, it's very complicated. But I don't worry too much about my parents.

My parents also separated when I was very small (5 or 6 years old), I remember the fights, discussions ... I know it's hard.

 

[LiveSlowDieFast]

Yes, I feel extremely bad about that, and that is precisely what prevents my CTB, especially my mother. She knows that I have suicidal thoughts, and that I also had some attempt, when I have ever brought up the subject it was fatal, I do not want to destroy her life but I do not want to continue living, I feel in a prison.

I can relate to that. Just being stuck between 2 awful things (not wanting to live, but also not wanting to hurt loved ones) and no way to escape...

 

[Eren]

I can relate to that. Just being stuck between 2 awful things (not wanting to life, but also not wanting to hurt loved ones) and no way to escape...

Yes, it's exactly like that.

 

[Smashingairwaves]

No, my parents are awful

 

[15dec]

Yeah, I feel awful. My parents haven't always been the best and I can't say they've helped or understood my situation but I can't find it in me to blame them for not being able to. They're still my parents in the end, I guess. I feel bad for leaving my friends and other family members as well but my parents will be the ones who find me and I can't imagine how devastating that could be.

 

[okyeah]

Won't feel bad at all. My parents have created a foundation for a terrible life. Not to blame them fully - but it is about 70% their fault. My dad knocked up my mom for some reason and had me by accident. My mom is barely a human being actually. She can barely speak English and meanwhile my dad cannot stop speaking. Their relationship makes me uncomfortable because I see the colonialism in it. The fetishism (my mom is Asian and my dad is white). I think my dad only married my mom due to catholic beliefs about taking care of a child. I also grew up in poverty until 4th grade and we made it to the middle class. But my mom was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia so it basically ruined my life (and hers).

I'm pretty sure I have several personality disorders and addiction problems due to the environment they created (Just examining my high school and college experience). I literally have no feelings of love toward my parents. This has caused me to have social and relationship problems. My life was over before it even began tbh.

 

[Eren]

Fuck, I feel like in a prison, I do not want to hurt my parents, but I do not want to live another fucking day, I did not choose to be born either.

 

[Mr2005]

No I won't feel bad for them at all but I will for my girlfriend, she's innocent in all this

 

[Idorus]

One of us is gonna have to watch the other die eitherway. I didn't ask to be born and don't have an obligation to live for anyone.

Well said.

Ps I had great parents (both passed yearsss ago) so it's almost as if living in another universe when hearing otherwise.

 

[Johnnythefox]

My suicide will demolish my mother, whom I love, and who has been unbelievably supportive of me --far, far above and beyond the call of maternal duty-- emotionally, morally, financially. Anticipating her pain has certainly held me back in the past, and I suspect has contributed significantly to my recent failures and subsequent dragging of feet for my next attempt. She knows I've tried to ctb recently, I've spoken to her openly about my intentions to ctb, and I know she understands the pain I'm in --and to her credit she has not tried to call in the authorities on me-- but that won't lessen her loss. Her relationship with my sister is deeply troubled, so I'm the kid she always reaches out to, shares her artistic feelings with, relates to on a genuinely deep level. Yes, I will feel very, very bad for her.

My father is a narcissistic ass; in his mind I exist only as his avatar. He and I email daily, but he lives in Italy, I live in the US, and that's quite close enough for that close relative, thank you very much. I refuse to be in the same room with him. I couldn't care less how he feels about my death. In some ways, I hope there's an afterlife from which I can view how he reacts to the death of his avatar. That might be quite interesting. No, I won't feel bad for him in the slightest.

It is deeply against the societally-perceived "natural order" for a parent to outlive their child. It will be devastating for them. But to continue living is more than I can do.

I'm very much the same as yourself, although I've had a few run ins with my mother in the past she would do anything for her kids. She would certainly help financially and otherwise, there's been several things in life I've steered clear of because I couldn't bear to hurt her. She has dementia now and I've not been to see her for some months. As for the father well he's dead four years, only good thing he ever did.

 

[Anima]

I do feel bad about my plans and how it will destroy my parents lives. Knowing this holds me back sometimes. It's one big dilemma and really there is no option where none of us will have to suffer. Yes, it is my life and my decision, but all of this is also connected to them. I am fully aware that proceeding with my plans will not only cause immense pain, but will destroy them and most probably kill them. There is no right or wrong here, but it makes me feel hopeless.