Discussion Anyone else desensitized to CTB topics?

[FluffyCat]

Let me start with saying that I've been dealing with suicidal ideation for few years now but until a few months ago I always had trouble with reading and researching stuff about ctb - I would just completely emotionally break down until I just couldn't read anymore since my eyes would tear up so much.

Now in stark contrast I just feel kinda empty, emotionless. I'm even having difficult time enjoying what used to be entertaining distractions from reality.

Like I could just scroll through some of the more dark and depressing threads on here without blinking an eye. It truly makes me feel that I really am an awful person.

Anyone else also feels a similar way? Like they just can't be bothered with the world anymore?

 

[@siniy_cat]

I definitely have become more desensitized, mainly due to this website i suppose. The first couple times I went here i even felt guilty and had big qualms about making an account.

 

[melancholia_melodia]

I feel the same way as well. I used to visit a few shock sites and saw a lot of suicide clips and videos, so I was already desensitized to the subject. But I still feel guilty and morally wrong for not being as sensitive as I should have been when I read things on this site and elsewhere.

 

[Abyssal]

What's there to be sensitive about is my question. Suicide isn't a bad word or anything.

 

[jinx <3]

I also feel desensitized to this all just because of how long it's been a part of my life. I find it easy to forget that most people treat it very differently. Kind of annoying but whatever. I do hate the getting desensitized to good things though, that sucks.

 

[F@#$]

I'm not desensitized so to speak. I've always avoided the subject because most people freak the fuck out when you mention suicide. That's one of the reasons I'm glad I found this site. I like being able to speak(type) my true thoughts without causing a fuckin crisis.
Thanks everyone!

 

[Hollowman]

Yep completely desensitized, had my first plan 37 years ago. Wish I would've followed through.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

Let me start with saying that I've been dealing with suicidal ideation for few years now but until a few months ago I always had trouble with reading and researching stuff about ctb - I would just completely emotionally break down until I just couldn't read anymore since my eyes would tear up so much.

Now in stark contrast I just feel kinda empty, emotionless. I'm even having difficult time enjoying what used to be entertaining distractions from reality.

Like I could just scroll through some of the more dark and depressing threads on here without blinking an eye. It truly makes me feel that I really am an awful person.

Anyone else also feels a similar way? Like they just can't be bothered with the world anymore?

It might mean you are getting close. I am desensitized to the point of I could kill myself right now (jumper) or I could just keep on living. Either way doesn't bother me.

 

[Little_Suzy]

We've all been desensitized!

We're sick of listening to ourselves during therapy sessions and taking medicines that taste like placebos.

Given the lethality of mental disorders, society should stop behaving as if suicide is the worst possible conclusion.

 

[@siniy_cat]

What's there to be sensitive about is my question. Suicide isn't a bad word or anything.

Well suicide is associated with quite a lot of shame, even for I would assume mentally ill people, who think about it a lot. I get what you mean though, but ig for many people it's hard to get away from the pro-life social conditioning on an emotional level even if they rationally disagree with that philosophy. But maybe I'm just projecting my own insecurities.

 

[hi-okbye]

i guess my mindset has always been to just get it done, so the research wasn't much of a problem. i can't really process it emotionally sometimes which helps. i just do what i need to do, then leave.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case desensitized probably isn't the right word but it's rather that I don't see suicide and death as something bad in the first place. In fact to me it's all I wish to read about as I hate existence so therefore death is a relief. All that comforts me is the thought of eternally ceasing to exist, all that's desirable to me is the peace of eternal sleep, so therefore see death as something positive.

And I see suicide as self care, a rational solution to prevent unnecessary suffering in this cruel and futile existence that just leads to decay and death anyway. And as well as that I just see death as a normal thing, I don't understand the people who view death is so "tragic" as it's all we are intended for anyway.

 

[bluegodism]

yes, this happens to me. i feel 100% desensitized. I don't feel any negative emotions towards this type of subject. what happens in very extreme situations is seeing something and finding it beautiful, inspiring.

 

[Abyssal]

for many people it's hard to get away from the pro-life social conditioning on an emotional level even if they rationally disagree with that philosophy. But maybe I'm just projecting my own insecurities.

No, I feel the same. I still am not able to separate myself from the pro life society I grew up in. I suppose that I may have just grown up in such a way to be ineffected by more emotional topics.

 

[Orange Cat]

Yes. When I first came on here, it made me uncomfortable to read about the methods and seemed strange to talk to people about suicide. Now it doesn't even bother me.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

After having lived over half my life being suicidal, I can no longer view it as something taboo that I should be ashamed of. Would anyone feel shame for having a broken bone, a weak heart, or a lazy eye? No. Yet, there is significant stigma around acknowledging the horrors of suicidality and staring it straight in the face for years on end. Like you all have said, first joining this site leaves one with a bit of trepidation - as it felt forbidden to me to be openly able to talk to others about my feelings, after always being silenced. Yet after awhile, I think that initial shock and fear diminishes, especially if you have been dealing with this pain for years and have almost grown numb to it.

 

[兎の耳]

I still feel a great sadness when someone I've seen here or interacted with has their name crossed out. I respect everyone's decision and hope they find peace but I can't help but feel sad because each of us is a world.

Ironically, I'm very desensitized to physical manifestations of death due to my choice of profession. I have seen enough dead bodies and gore that it doesn't affect me much anymore. What I have never gotten used to is the grief and pain left in the wake of death.

 

[Sarros]

When people admit to me their own thoughts of suicide, it doesn't even skip a beat. It's like they just told me what they had for breakfast that day.

And when my thoughts of planning my suicide or carrying it out used to give me a sense of comfort or control, I guess I'm also desensitized in the sense I don't even feel that anymore.

 

[IWishToDie]

Let me start with saying that I've been dealing with suicidal ideation for few years now but until a few months ago I always had trouble with reading and researching stuff about ctb - I would just completely emotionally break down until I just couldn't read anymore since my eyes would tear up so much.

Now in stark contrast I just feel kinda empty, emotionless. I'm even having difficult time enjoying what used to be entertaining distractions from reality.

Like I could just scroll through some of the more dark and depressing threads on here without blinking an eye. It truly makes me feel that I really am an awful person.

Anyone else also feels a similar way? Like they just can't be bothered with the world anymore?

@FluffyCat Suicide doesn't bother me if it's painless, death isn't the issue. Things like ab*se and tra*ma really trigger me though. I've just been through too much at this point. I'm just tired of being awake. If I had Nembutal right now I would drink it, no question.

 

[5nicotine]

Suicide seems like a completely natural and rational thing to me and it has since I first became depressed. I've been talking about my suicidal ideation to friends for the last year and I think they understand it as just a part of depression and general nihilism. I don't think it's that foreign of an idea to them either. I am starting to think that since I've talked about it for so long, they think I'm talking about it for attention, but I don't really care. I'll end up proving to them that I was serious.

When I found this forum I just felt at peace that I could finally talk seriously about methods with people. I thought I had such a nice plan for suicide before (nicotine poisoning), but I wasn't sure enough to be completely comfortable with doing it. Sulfuric + formic acid I'm much more sure about. I feel like I finally have a peaceful way out.

 

[iusedtobehappy]

Yes but I still feel empathy. But I can watch videos of someone euthanizing himself and not cringe at the actual act but each time I think I'm so sorry for whatever led you there.

Sulfuric + formic acid I'm much more sure about. I feel like I finally have a peaceful way out.

Do you mind elaborating? I've thought about this method too and have read the threads but I'm still confused how to do it. I suck at science.

 

[lastexit717@proton.]

no , i feel the pain in every post like is my own , specially young people , i just wish we all could make it .