Help Anyone else been recommeded a way to CTB by a family member + how to minimise distress for others.

[MeltingHeart]

So the person that took the SN away from me -has stated that would be selfish as somone would have to find me in a horrible state-and that they could be a young(ish) person (not sure what age has got to do with it anyway-anyone could be distressed by finding somone has suicided-even paramedics) in a hotel or whatever. Another time she got annoyed as I had dispossed of a big bag of suicide notes out of the house (ive written hundreds) and she wanted me to tell her exactly where-as she said it would be distressting should anyone find them and read them- again she mentioned children. I stated that it would be virtually impossible to avoid causing zero distress/ disruption to anyone in this case (without going into obvious examples ie; dog walker finding a hanging, train drivers that deal with it, people witnessing jumpers)

She suggested that if I am so determined- the best way would be to walk into the sea - i said that even then my body could wash up on the shore - she said at the very least they will not know if was a suicide as someone could just think it was an accidental drowing.

Does she have a fair point? It is not my wish to cause anyone distress, yet on the same note im not sure currently that I have the mental or physical capaity to travel and/ or organise a very v remote location. Maybe I should take the sea option. just not sure i can even handle a train to brighton or wherever-without having a huge breakdown in public on route-and police or mental health services being called.

Dilema!!

 

[Stan]

So the person who took your SN told you to go drown yourself! I don't see the logic

 

[MeltingHeart]

So the person who took your SN told you to go drown yourself! I don't see the logic

Yes, they said that it would be distressing for someone to find my body in that condition- as the paramedics had told her what it does to the body- and also in the location where she knew I would prob go -i.e hotel. I said i know, and i understand and it would be horrible for anyone to find somone but I wasnt sure what else to do! So yeah she suggested..walking into the sea... would be the best way to cause minimal distress to others if I am so determined (im super scared of drowning method) :(

 

[Thanatos]

She has no point and is the selfish one

 

[EatingRawCocoa]

On that note, one of the saddest songs about suicidal thoughts.

 

[MeltingHeart]

She has no point and is the selfish one

think she thinks it not fair for anyone else to find a suicide. It feel like in life and even in death (if i find a way)-everything i do is wrong.

On that note, one of the saddest songs about suicidal thoughts.

thanks I love Tom Waits- I would love to have 'Cold Cold Ground' played at my funeral/ wake.

 

[Fadinglife]

What a bitch

 

[k75]

First of all, that's a stupid suggestion if she's so concerned about not traumatizing young people. Beaches generally equal lots of kids and families.

Anyway, I would not listen to her, especially if it's a method you're not comfortable with. Who is she to dictate what you do? She does not get to control your life, and your interactions sound extremely toxic. I don't know her motivation, but it's obvious she's basically trying to manipulate you through guilt. You deserve better than that.

 

[MeltingHeart]

think she thinks it not fair for anyone else to find a suicide. It feel like in life and even in death (if i find a way)-everything i do is wrong.

thanks I love Tom Waits- I would love to have 'Cold Cold Ground' played at my funeral/ wake.

they do say that drowing can be a peacful way to go IF you can sumbit to it & relax into it (got knows how)-they never sure how such things can ever truly be proved-cos if it fully worked -yr not there to report back!

 

[Stan]

Still does not make any sense to me. A dog walker with a kid in tow can find you on a beach. In one respect they have taken away a peaceful method and given you another choice with some risks. Ask for the SN back and tell them to pay for a short term apartment if they are worried about you doing it in their home. Still trying to get my head round this

 

[MeltingHeart]

First of all, that's a stupid suggestion if she's so concerned about not traumatizing young people. Beaches generally equal lots of kids and families.

Anyway, I would not listen to her, especially if it's a method you're not comfortable with. Who is she to dictate what you do? She does not get to control your life, and your interactions sound extremely toxic. I don't know her motivation, but it's obvious she's basically trying to manipulate you through guilt. You deserve better than that.

yeah I was thinking about the families on the beach-though I guess it is off season, also the state I am - i think i would be stopped by someone before i even made it to the coast/ beach

Still does not make any sense to me. A dog walker with a kid in tow can find you on a beach. In one respect they have taken away a peaceful method and given you another choice with some risks. Ask for the SN back and tell them to pay for a short term apartment if they are worried about you doing it in their home. Still trying to get my head round this

the paramedics took SN away, they wont help me get short term apartment if they suspect that I am still going to use it/ go there to CTB - in that case she would have me sectioned - and yet it is ok for me to go and drown-as she deems that acceptable- because it 'could' be seen to be a tragic accident - yeah messed up- I almost wanna laugh (that might just be my new meds-making me feel funny thou)

 

[Stan]

call their bluff, ask for the train fare to the coast.

 

[MeltingHeart]

call their bluff, ask for the train fare to the coast.

what and then do go through with it that way?

 

[Stan]

what and then do go through with it that way?

No, just use the money to buy more SN and do a click and collect next time

 

[SerenitySeeker]

Smh I am so sorry that you had to endure that from a family member. Society as a whole has such a fucked up view of death and avoidance of death that people will do anything to not deal with it. What about the people who are in unfortunate accidents, victims of murder, etc.. they can't do anything about who may find them/see them. The fact that you were trying to go to a hotel away from people who know you personally shows that you were doing the best you could to mitigate the situation.

 

[MeltingHeart]

No, just use the money to buy more SN and do a click and collect next time

I should already been gone by now- I didnt want many more days- i was ready :(

Smh I am so sorry that you had to endure that from a family member. Society as a whole has such a fucked up view of death and avoidance of death that people will do anything to not deal with it. What about the people who are in unfortunate accidents, victims of murder, etc.. they can't do anything about who may find them/see them. The fact that you were trying to go to a hotel away from people who know you personally shows that you were doing the best you could to mitigate the situations.

Thats a good point about accidents- and like what about all those people that 'cause' horrible crashes and things through booze, checking phone driving- is a suicide person worst than them-seems like some people think so, the way we they spoken about-like how selfish it is etc etc. Yeah i really thought i was trying to find the best place to hide it from as many people as possible-could even barricade the door-so police would have had to been called as well.

 

[Rabhen]

what and then do go through with it that way?

no! use the money for a last hurrah or to obtain the correct stuff for your own agenda and no one elses