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Kramer

Kramer

Nervous wreck
Oct 27, 2020
1,399
There's a lot of fakery in being social. I'm too honest and straightforward to tolerate the games people play, but being alone sucks too after awhile. I'm also really negative because of everything I've experienced. Most people (including me) hate the consistently negative person.
 
Mentalmick

Mentalmick

IMHOTEP!!!
Nov 30, 2020
2,050
I've never actually had a social life. I don't think I'm capable of having one to be honest. I'm uncomfortable enough in my own company without adding other people to the equation.
 
Fragile

Fragile

Broken
Jul 7, 2019
1,496
I've been self-isolating myself for over 7 years now, not because I don't want to have a social life, neither because I'm too jaded to have real relationships. I've done it because this is something that I always knew was going to happen, and the last thing I want is to get emotionally involved with people that may miss me once I'm gone.

So I pushed away most of the people I know, at least the ones from outside my small family unit, if only I could do the same with them and spare them from the pain.
 
S

Still Waiting

Member
Dec 3, 2020
8
There is a really good chance I have been isolated too long to make a new friend. Is there really always a lot of fakery in being social or is this just true for less fortunate people (I would like to know what to expect while I try to make a friend)?

I wonder if the perceived "negativity" to which you refer is actually just honesty. The only new "friend" I have made since I was a child is my boyfriend who seemed very "negative" to me at first. He eventual convinced me, however, that all his "negativity" was acceptable and I can't help wonder if he is, in fact, not very negative but, instead, I was just brainwashed into toxic positivity; I find I am fascinated by freeing my mind and challenging my "positive" thought.

I wanted to find a good article on positive toxicity but couldn't find anything that didn't seem biased. I feel like there is a good chance you already know all about toxic positivity but, just in case ... this post excerpt from a philosophy form is the first thing I found that didn't seem slanted:

"
'Whatever you try to avoid becomes the very basis of your consciousness.' - Sadghuru

Avoidance of negativity, then, fills one with negativity (gunpowder kegs). Sadly, the most dysfunctional defense mechanism, denial, is central to the positivity movement (how so many could be unaware of this is and index of mob psychology having taken over).

It would be just as imbalanced always trying to establish positivity, toxic actually (so there's toxic positivity and toxic negativity). Beware of mistaking ego or self for the full extent of consciousness. Identification with positivity does not mean you are positive; if one's self-ideal is positive it does not mean he is (by the bye, self-ideal is a delusional image which leads to mania). There is what you are and nothing else; of course the portions of the psyche you can include in awareness changes, but what you really are is much more expansive than awareness of one or two pixels of the complete picture.

No one is so perfect as to be happy all the time, if they say so, they are identified with ego to a large extent, and may have little inward awareness (eg. the friends of a self-proclaimed positivist may not see him as being very positive even though he preaches positivity). Ego says, "I'm positive" meanwhile, in the subconscious swirls anger, hate, and violence. Inner awareness has to find the defilements that refuse repose and keep light shone on them; and there are no actions to take in doing away with restlessness...it has to be negated by negating all action. Once all action (and reward seeking behavior) is negated...awareness, and much more of it remains."
 
Kramer

Kramer

Nervous wreck
Oct 27, 2020
1,399
There is a really good chance I have been isolated too long to make a new friend. Is there really always a lot of fakery in being social or is this just true for less fortunate people (I would like to know what to expect while I try to make a friend)?

I wonder if the perceived "negativity" to which you refer is actually just honesty. The only new "friend" I have made since I was a child is my boyfriend who seemed very "negative" to me at first. He eventual convinced me, however, that all his "negativity" was acceptable and I can't help wonder if he is, in fact, not very negative but, instead, I was just brainwashed into toxic positivity; I find I am fascinated by freeing my mind and challenging my "positive" thought.

I wanted to find a good article on positive toxicity but couldn't find anything that didn't seem biased. I feel like there is a good chance you already know all about toxic positivity but, just in case ... this post excerpt from a philosophy form is the first thing I found that didn't seem slanted:

"
'Whatever you try to avoid becomes the very basis of your consciousness.' - Sadghuru

Avoidance of negativity, then, fills one with negativity (gunpowder kegs). Sadly, the most dysfunctional defense mechanism, denial, is central to the positivity movement (how so many could be unaware of this is and index of mob psychology having taken over).

It would be just as imbalanced always trying to establish positivity, toxic actually (so there's toxic positivity and toxic negativity). Beware of mistaking ego or self for the full extent of consciousness. Identification with positivity does not mean you are positive; if one's self-ideal is positive it does not mean he is (by the bye, self-ideal is a delusional image which leads to mania). There is what you are and nothing else; of course the portions of the psyche you can include in awareness changes, but what you really are is much more expansive than awareness of one or two pixels of the complete picture.

No one is so perfect as to be happy all the time, if they say so, they are identified with ego to a large extent, and may have little inward awareness (eg. the friends of a self-proclaimed positivist may not see him as being very positive even though he preaches positivity). Ego says, "I'm positive" meanwhile, in the subconscious swirls anger, hate, and violence. Inner awareness has to find the defilements that refuse repose and keep light shone on them; and there are no actions to take in doing away with restlessness...it has to be negated by negating all action. Once all action (and reward seeking behavior) is negated...awareness, and much more of it remains."
Pointing out often how much the world is shit would be negative and unbearable.
 
Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
13,796
I was for many months, till decided to put me out there, and now been seeing someone very special the past 2 weeks. Not gonna call it the love of my life. But for sure it's helping a bit in feeling less lonely. However he keeps on asking how are you , you look sad. Which is annoying.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Mentalmick
Kramer

Kramer

Nervous wreck
Oct 27, 2020
1,399
I was for many months, till decided to put me out there, and now been seeing someone very special the past 2 weeks. Not gonna call it the love of my life. But for sure it's helping a bit in feeling less lonely. However he keeps on asking how are you , you look sad. Which is annoying.
How did you meet?
 
Kramer

Kramer

Nervous wreck
Oct 27, 2020
1,399
The way I didn't wanna meet someone, on tinder, but I guess between 90% rubbish 10% are nice people I guess. But was a long way from chat to meet.
I just got banned from tinder. I always create a new account once my "likes" stop appearing. I'm on badoo but there aren't any whites or Asians. Those are the only demographics I attract.
 
  • Wow
Reactions: Isadeth
Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
13,796
I just got banned from tinder. I always create a new account once my "likes" stop appearing. I'm on badoo but there aren't any whites or Asians. Those are the only demographics I attract.
Don't like badoo as a female you have no idea the type of weirdos I use to get.
 
Kramer

Kramer

Nervous wreck
Oct 27, 2020
1,399
Don't like badoo as a female you have no idea the type of weirdos I use to get.
It's weird. I did great on all these apps throughout the past decade. Something is different and I don't know what. I look the same.
 
Isadeth

Isadeth

Visionary
Jun 12, 2020
2,543
I've distanced myself from my friends a while ago. I tried not to, but if I'm going through difficult times, I recluse. It's a bad habit, but I don't want to have to tell anyone what's going on, or fake being fine. So I don't respond or message people anymore except people here.
 
Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
13,796
It's weird. I did great on all these apps throughout the past decade. Something is different and I don't know what. I look the same.
It's different if you are a girl/ woman. In my opinion as one usually the convo turns really quickly to what you might guess.
 
Kramer

Kramer

Nervous wreck
Oct 27, 2020
1,399
It's different if you are a girl/ woman. In my opinion as one usually the convo turns really quickly to what you might guess.
Girls don't talk well on apps. Every single one has given the bare minimum. "Hey"
I've distanced myself from my friends a while ago. I tried not to, but if I'm going through difficult times, I recluse. It's a bad habit, but I don't want to have to tell anyone what's going on, or fake being fine. So I don't respond or message people anymore except people here.
I did that and now I have no one. Sucks
 
  • Like
Reactions: Sherri
Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
13,796
Girls don't talk well on apps. Every single one has given the bare minimum. "Hey"

I did that and now I have no one. Sucks
Well I do love to chat there and love a guy who knows how to chat, that's why that one got my attention.
 
Sprite_Geist

Sprite_Geist

NULL
May 27, 2020
1,510
I have been isolated to varying degrees throughout my life, so being sociable has always been an alien concept to me.
 
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Reactions: newave3 and Isadeth
F

Fango

with his arms outstretched
Dec 17, 2020
16
Yeah It's too hard to socialize. When I broke up with my best friend, a couple of years ago, I realized that she was the only person who cared about me. except for my family. From that time I've been sooo isolated, I actually liked it. I met another person, I remember we used to laugh together so much everyday, but one day she tried to overdose with her mother meds and then she moved to her father house, which is far away from here. It seems like I don't deserve friends, and that's ok since I don't feel comfortable around people.
 
S

SuicidallyCurious

Enlightened
Dec 20, 2020
1,721
Its difficult for me because i'm part of a social media generation and after awhile I began to shy away from the use of that technology. One thing i found is that there are some places i could go IRL where people would generally avoid it
 

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