Anyone else afraid that they’ll never have the courage to go through with it?

[esoterispeec]

Sometime I worry if I'll end up suffering my whole life and never being able to ctb. I definitely dint want to be alive but I'm petrified of death

 

[ZardozOmega]

Definitely! I keep postponing my suicide, and I don't know if I'll ever do it. I'm such a pussy.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I feel like I'm not scared but you never know until the time comes. My method is risky af, so getting """""ReScUeD"""""" is what I'm scared of right now.

 

[Good4Nothing]

*raises hand.

 

[AlternativeHealer2]

yup

 

[Worndown]

Almost everyone here???

 

[Bedrock48]

Yep lmao, it's like being at the top of a huge roller-coaster but you have to make the push for it to drop.

 

[EmptyManForever]

Yes me too , my chosen method is also risky , it's full suspension hanging, I'm also scared of death but I feel like one day I'll have no choice left or worse I'll have to live for the rest of my life with the suffering, all I could wish for is stay asleep forever

 

[Lost Magic]

Survival instinct is the worst. I am not afraid of death but I am nervous of the final push towards it. I am sure when the time comes, I will have no other choice. Either death or more decades of suffering. I choose the former.

 

[Trisolaris]

I certainly worry that despite my suffering I won't be able to go through with it and will remain in this hell.

 

[Isisnefert]

I'm affraid of being trapped in this hell for life

 

[SosoruzeDosukoi]

I don't think I'm scared of death, but more scared of messing up. Even if I don't have any permanent damage from it, failing terrifies me. I have to eventually get over that and try, but I dunno, it's tough.

 

[hfdepression30]

all the time! I genuinely wonder what kinda of will and determination people who've succeed actually had when they did it. To the point they actually started/did it and didn't back out. I don't want to back out anymore

 

[DarkWolf]

Yeah especially now I've failed twice. I'm so useless and cowardly I can't even die.

 

[strangeceleste]

all the time! I genuinely wonder what kinda of will and determination people who've succeed actually had when they did it. To the point they actually started/did it and didn't back out. I don't want to back out anymore

I think about this too. I read all the inquests in England the other day, and it honestly seems like a lot were fairly high on intense emotion/desperation. Ironically the anxiety that makes me life pretty annoying, also makes it hard to die because I'm so scared of failure lmao

 

[Wayfaerer]

Yes. I'm afraid that once I try I might not have the strength to go through with it. I also fear that I will panic during the dying process and instinctively seek help, which would have disasterous consequences for sure. I have at most 2 months left now and I'm waiting until the last minute of that. There are a lot of unknowns with suicide as I had never attempted before but I'll be drugged up for it so I am hoping that there aren't any snags with it.

 

[hfdepression30]

I think about this too. I read all the inquests in England the other day, and it honestly seems like a lot were fairly high on intense emotion/desperation. Ironically the anxiety that makes me life pretty annoying, also makes it hard to die because I'm so scared of failure lmao

I've also been reading inquests and coroner reports too. They're easily found on judiciary.uk if you search suicide. Most people seemed to be in contact with mental health services at the time or shortly before their death, and going through some kind of episode/intense emotion like you said. I feel like in my case, I didn't want to become a burden on anyone so after my last attempt that put me in a psychiatric unit back in 2010 I became a master of manipulation in a way to act and portray myself so that I seem totally fine and don't rouse any worry or concern. In some ways I wish I didn't manage my emotions as well as I do and there was some kind of event, circumstance or some kind of mania I could experience to make me tunnel vision on the goal of successfully ending everything

 

[strangeceleste]

I've also been reading inquests and coroner reports too. They're easily found on judiciary.uk if you search suicide. Most people seemed to be in contact with mental health services at the time or shortly before their death, and going through some kind of episode/intense emotion like you said. I feel like in my case, I didn't want to become a burden on anyone so after my last attempt that put me in a psychiatric unit back in 2010 I became a master of manipulation in a way to act and portray myself so that I seem totally fine and don't rouse any worry or concern. In some ways I wish I didn't manage my emotions as well as I do and there was some kind of event, circumstance or some kind of mania I could experience to make me tunnel vision on the goal of successfully ending everything

I was imagining what my inquest report would say. I'm also very good at appearing fine. I discharged myself from community mental health services 'as I felt better' and they were happy to have less demand, even though my 'diagnoses' (bipolar and bpd) come with very good days. My brother recently lost his best friend to suicide and he's still very early in the grieving process so I'm trying to keep myself together, but it's getting really hard. I currently can't function. I totally get what you mean about feeling like a burden. I try to remind myself that doctors helping me now is much less effort for them than going through the inquest process, but I don't want medication and so they don't seem to know how to help (I have a private therapist), nor are they anywhere near aware of the actual extent of my issues. Sending you love

 

[enough of this]

Sometime I worry if I'll end up suffering my whole life and never being able to ctb. I definitely dint want to be alive but I'm petrified of death

I'm not petrified of death, but I AM afraid I won't be able to go through with CTB. I wish I would just die in my sleep. That would truly be a Godsend.

 

[wanttodie]

t I AM afraid I won't be able to go through with CTB

 

[snowcloud9]

There's no rush tbh, there are so many ways to die and if I wait worse case I'll have to choose a more painful method. Maybe I can't get N. But I can still end it.

 

[tiredangelgirl]

I bought sn a while ago and i'm still here. cops actually came to my house at 2:30am to do a wellness check and I had to lie and say I got rid of it and prove that i'm currently in therapy.

i'm definitely not afraid of the afterlife or anything like that, just physically dying. what if I panic and call 911? what if it's excruciatingly painful and crippling pain/ discomfort and I can't do anything about it? i'm very scared to actually do it but every single day I think about it. I wish I did it months ago.

 

[weisel]

I read a book called All the Light we cannot see. A character lives through ww2 as a nazi, he eventually just goes awol and becomes a local guy elsewhere. His aftermath is something that is the sole thought I have for myself. Sitting in a room, in the dark watching tv, alone everyday scared to ctb

 

[DecidedFate89]

Definitely! I keep postponing my suicide, and I don't know if I'll ever do it. I'm such a pussy.

Me too,I wish I could just have someone do it for me. I'm such a bitch, it's wild.

 

[Worndown]

You are complaining about not doing the hardest thing, ever. Go a little easier on yourself.

 

[FuneralCry]

It certainly terrifies me the thought of this cruel and futile existence continuing for decades, it fills me with dread just thinking about it. I hate how it's so difficult to die, it's inhumane how we cannot just choose to fall asleep eternally.

 

[DEATH IS FREEDOM]

I feel like I have ended up in that situation - afraid that I never will have the courage to die deliberately without the help of a doctor. That is why I write here. But I will never give up. I will find a way. Our pets are euthanazied but humans are expected to suffer for years and die from old age. Humans are treated worse than pets. But how can people procreate in this world of suffering? I am glad that I never have had children.

 

[revolutionnaire23]

goddamnit, yes. so much yes. i hate it.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I feel like I have ended up in that situation - afraid that I never will have the courage to die deliberately without the help of a doctor. That is why I write here. But I will never give up. I will find a way. Our pets are euthanazied but humans are expected to suffer for years and die from old age. Humans are treated worse than pets. But how can people procreate in this world of suffering? I am glad that I never have had children.

I will find a way. Fuck prolifers . I'm going to kill myself

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I do. I hope for terminal illness. Even though it could be agonizing, it would be beyond my control.