Discussion Anyone afraid they might go back to drugs?

[GoForDeath]

I've been off drugs for about 6-7 months. I primarily used 3-fpm, sometimes taking up to 5 grams a week. I was completely addicted, however I had to move to a place where I could no longer acquire it. I was really afraid of the withdrawals, but surprisingly they weren't that bad and I'm doing fine now.

There is a chance however that I might return to the place I acquired them and I know that there is a chance I might use again, this could potentially ruin my life even further as when I'm on drugs I become lazier. I have a good prosperous upcoming job that I don't want to lose, as it is a great opportunity, however I'm afraid that I'll start using again and lose it again. If that happens I'll probably wallow in depression as I spend the last of my money on drugs and finally CTB... Although there is the chance that I might CTB even if everything is going fine for me.

 

[Darkover]

i never got off drugs been smoking weed since i was 12 years old still do to this day i smoke 7gram a day when i can afford it

 

[Iva]

i never got off drugs been smoking weed since i was 12 years old still do to this day i smoke 7gram a day when i can afford it

I would smoke seven Gs a day if I had the funds for it. Pot is the only thing that makes the bad thoughts go away nowadays.

 

[GoForDeath]

i never got off drugs been smoking weed since i was 12 years old still do to this day i smoke 7gram a day when i can afford it

If it wasn't for the move, I'd be on drugs still

 

[cheesemerger]

I was trying to stop smoking weed for the second time and I was doing good for a whole month and without bad withdrawals... sadly life happend and I relapse, people might think is just weed, but is like I can't tolerate people without it but also can't do shit when I am on it, the worst part has been the remorse of conscience, feeling that you failed yourself, that you let yourself down, that you broke your own promise, that made me fall into a depression that made it harder for me to quit again.

Now I wonder if it is really worth any effort when I am my own enemy or any effort in general, if it is worth life in general when I can't cope sober.

Is this really what you want? feel that you let yourself down or feel that you to depend on something external to make you well? easy questions to ask, the truth is that I still don't understand how the rest of the world does it... live, have this willpower for everything. If is worth of any based on my experience I can say that I regret relapse after even 1 month, even more than the first time that I last sober 6 months, I hope you can shut down those thoughts if you move back to where you can get it, overcome that desire by being close to where you use to get it, is going to be worth it, the feeling of being free from all this things

 

[kindalone]

Kratom has gotten me through this month. I live in a pretty high up place. Without Kratom the jump would have been a possibility. I've used it 4 years ago and then got off of it because I started to not care about certain things which needed my attention. Now, my anxiety and depression is so high, I can barely cope. Nobody really understands that life could get so hard for someone. It's like everybody is pretty much well equipped for life no matter what it throws at them. Eventually I have to lay off the stuff. I can't go through sedated all the time.

 

[Iva]

I can't tolerate people without it but also can't do shit when I am on it, the worst part has been the remorse of conscience, feeling that you failed yourself, that you let yourself down, that you broke your own promise, that made me fall into a depression that made it harder for me to quit again.

If I may ask, do you really WANT to quit? Or do you just feel like you SHOULD quit because it's the right thing to do?
I've been smoking nonstop for half a decade because I know deep down in my soul I don't really WANT to stop. I love how getting high feels and I find life without it to be quaint. I can make it about 48 hours sober before I can't stand the cacophony of my own thoughts anymore. I struggle to stop smoking the devil's lettuce because I truly, deep down in my heart, do not want to stop.

I was really afraid of the withdrawals, but surprisingly they weren't that bad and I'm doing fine now.

There is a chance however that I might return to the place I acquired them and I know that there is a chance I might use again, this could potentially ruin my life even further as when I'm on drugs I become lazier.

When I hear things like this, it makes me feel like you wouldn't have gotten clean unless the circumstances forced you to (i.e. moving to a new area where you can't find a connect for your drug of choice.) I assume this because the only times I don't smoke are when I go back to the US to see my family. My connections aren't as strong in my hometown as they once were so it's difficult to acquire the herb when I'm there. I suspect that you're in a similar situation and you made this thread because you know deep down in your heart-- the second you are exposed to your drug of choice again, you will partake. It's your favorite after all, how could you resist. I think ultimately the decision on whether or not to do it is on your shoulders. My best advice to you would be-- if you want to do it, do it. If it makes this exhausting rollercoaster of a life more manageable then it is what it is.

Is there a way you can take it and still be productive? If there isn't a way, and you have determined that your life is better when you are not on that substance, then don't do it anymore.
However, I truly believe that you are mature enough to do both. I think you don't have to be afraid of the drug controlling you because you are already stronger than that substance. You're not the type of girl/guy to let a chemical control you, anyway.