Anybody here intentionally fucks up their life?

[kindalone]

I wouldn't say I actively do it, but I can't say I'm super careful about it. There are a lot of things I do that I know are dumb and have severe consequences but I still do it. It might be because I'm on the fence. Nothing in my life points to a good or bad outcome. But it's easier to steer things into ctb instead of making my life better. Just thinking of the work and suffering I have to go through everyday just makes me cry and retreat.

 

[Dizzylady80]

Sometimes chaos and sadness are more familiar and comfortable than stability. I think though that even if you want to ctb, making your life worse in the meantime just adds needless suffering. The option to ctb will always be there, you don't have to have an exceptionally shitty life to justify it

 

[kindalone]

Sometimes chaos and sadness are more familiar and comfortable than stability. I think though that even if you want to ctb, making your life worse in the meantime just adds needless suffering. The option to ctb will always be there, you don't have to have an exceptionally shitty life to justify it

You're definitely right. It's just fucked up that regardless of what I choose to do, suffering and pain is inevitable.

 

[ExistHarm]

i have been so extremely self destructive in my past and have had long term consequences. it is quite horrifying how much suffering we can endure before dying. i am not as self destructive as time goes on and i am trying to just get to a net zero state and it is a terrible struggle

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I've managed to run my life into my ground, whether consciously or unconsciously. Now no choice but CTB.

 

[Tartuffe]

Ita seems like I have been on a self sabotage mission since I was a kid

 

[aforestfire]

i had purposely worsen all my symptoms and suicidal ideation by isolating myself and engaging in self-destructive behavior. it seems like my main goal in life at the moment is to annihilate myself, and i can't help it, i can't settle when things are even barely good, i keep waiting to something bad to happen so i go my way to ruin it myself.

 

[kindalone]

i had purposely worsen all my symptoms and suicidal ideation by isolating myself and engaging in self-destructive behavior. it seems like my main goal in life at the moment is to annihilate myself, and i can't help it, i can't settle when things are even barely good, i keep waiting to something bad to happen so i go my way to ruin it myself.

Same. I wish I could appreciate life and its happy moments just like any other human. But I'm just waiting for something to happen.

 

[iwantdeath6969]

i intentionally fuck my life up as much as possible. for the past few years, it's been my goal to remove more and more things that bring me happiness. i've stopped allowing myself to have any hobbies, as a rule i don't accept any kindness from others, i don't allow myself to eat or do things i enjoy if i've done something to not deserve it, things like that. i do everything i can to not allow myself any happiness or kindness towards myself. i really hate myself, i do this in the same way that people hurt others that they hate. i have a lot of rules that i have to follow, i even am now not allowing myself to go to see a band that i've been wanting to go to for 10 years anymore, even though their show is tomorrow. i wouldn't want happiness for other people that i hate so why would i show that kindness to myself?

 

[rottingaway26]

I wouldn't say I actively do it, but I can't say I'm super careful about it. There are a lot of things I do that I know are dumb and have severe consequences but I still do it. It might be because I'm on the fence. Nothing in my life points to a good or bad outcome. But it's easier to steer things into ctb instead of making my life better. Just thinking of the work and suffering I have to go through everyday just makes me cry and retreat.

I haphazardly and naively always thought that in the end if my mistakes caught up with me, I'll just ctb. But now they have caught up with me and I have no method to ctb with.

 

[HadItAll]

I keep accidentally fucking up my life by trying to fix it, it's ridiculous.

 

[kindalone]

I haphazardly and naively always thought that in the end if my mistakes caught up with me, I'll just ctb. But now they have caught up with me and I have no method to ctb with.

That was my thinking too but in the end, I just suffer more pain and I'm unprepared for the shit that is about to unfold. Still, must be somewhat funny for an outsider looking in.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

I sell all my possessions thinking it will help, go through a bunch of changes, still feel shit or even worse.

Buy a thing, then another and I've basically got everything back minus a shit ton of cash, wasted basically.

Rinse and repeat, too much of an addictive personality to keep going, im checking out soon, hopefully.

 

[NorthernMonkey]

I haphazardly and naively always thought that in the end if my mistakes caught up with me, I'll just ctb. But now they have caught up with me and I have no method to ctb with.

Same, but I'm working on it.

 

[ever so lonely]

self sabotage buds, linked to clinical depression apparently, i been this way too, for years, can relate, we are our very own worse critics seemingly

 

[m1v]

As you stated, we're at a point where we don't even care, we just choose the option in life that takes less thinking & energy.
My life in general is getting worst, but how I feel inside is a different story. I think it's way easier to change how you feel than fixing your life.

 

[WorthlessCoward]

Nah, it mostly gets fucked organically

 

[Ambivalent1]

No.

 

[SexyIncél]

Yes. I'm trying to stop doing that. But dammit people want you to do boring shit. When you could do things people really find fun

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

self sabotage is my second name

 

[Mir88]

I am in a point in my life where I either react and change myself, or I won't be able to endure this for long. My heart obviously says "just go, there's nothing for you here", but to be honest with myself I am timidly trying to correct some of the bad habits I have. That way, I will at least be able to tell myself "I tried".
At that point, there's like a "reverse immune system" that comes in place: when I am able to open myself with someone, in 2-3 days I'll be a complete asshole to that person, so it goes away.
If I try to take a good habit, at the first occasion I destroy all the work I've done up until then.
And so on.

I am aware that I am my worst and only enemy. The world doesn't hate me: it's indifferent. But I am doing all this to myself, and sadly I can't get away from myself if not with the most definitive of solutions.

So yes, I am destroying what's left of my life and of my hopes, I see it happening and until now I am not able to stop myself from doing it.

 

[DrPhilm&m]

For real for real been sabotaging my life since I was 6 Partly because I don't deserve to be happy, so I purposefully seek out to destroy or separate myself from things that make me happy (though to be fair, I haven't been happy in a long time) and things I love. Would probably try harder to sabotage my health if it weren't for that fact that my health has already been fucked due to chronic illness since I was a kid