Anybody have problems with dissociation?

[Final Escape]

Today I sat with my neighbor and I had blanked out during the conversation and missed the most crucial part of the story. Then by the time I realized and was tuned in again I had no idea what response I need to have lol! So it was embarrassing because I tried to fake a response in agreement. I didn't want to ask her to repeat half the story lol! This shit is horrible.

 

[restingspot]

Today I sat with my neighbor and I had blanked out during the conversation and missed the most crucial part of the story. Then by the time I realized and was tuned in again I had no idea what response I need to have lol! So it was embarrassing because I tried to fake a response in agreement. I didn't want to ask her to repeat half the story lol! This shit is horrible.

I used to have real bad de-realization episodes that got better as I got older, but still have them at times. It sucks and other people think you're just being rude to them.

 

[not_a_robot]

I used to have real bad de-realization episodes that got better as I got older, but still have them at times. It sucks and other people think you're just being rude to them.

What does it feel like?

 

[RM5998]

Well, my thoughts are noise most of the time, so I only know the times when I'm actually focusing on thinking, complete with a stage, audio team and live audience.

 

[H2H2]

I have problems in real time conversations. Once Im alone again, I can revisit the conversation in my head and put the info together. That means that Im always one conversation behind everything. I always need follow up calls or appointments.

 

[123die]

Yessssss all the time

 

[puppy9]

when that happens , I just nod and some interjections.

 

[Loli]

I have bad derealisation episodes. A week ago I got bashed by my teacher because I didn't remember anything from her last classes. Couldn't really say that back then I was desperately focusing on grounding and not panicking.

What does it feel like?

To me it feels like I'm in a dream or in some kind of a very distant memory.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I live in a constant dissociative state. The world feels like a dream to me. I can't follow conversations at all. Pretty often my girlfriend will be droning on for ages and I don't have the heart to tell her I wasn't able to keep up after the first sentence. Same thing with complex movies, or really anything that involves joining the dots. If I want to fully listen or understand something I have to make the decision to really focus or else I'll lose it right away again. I also have very bad derealization.

 

[not_a_robot]

I live in a constant dissociative state. The world feels like a dream to me. I can't follow conversations at all. Pretty often my girlfriend will be droning on for ages and I don't have the heart to tell her I wasn't able to keep up after the first sentence. Same thing with complex movies, or really anything that involves joining the dots. If I want to fully listen or understand something I have to make the decision to really focus or else I'll lose it right away again. I also have very bad derealization.

Does your derealization take any specific form/narrative? Mine is a little elaborate but I feel like I control it pretty well.
For a few years I had to tell everybody I talked to "I will need to be reminded again of half of what you tell me, sorry." I would just keep repeating vague pleasantries to try to end conversations.
Like
"ok then, I will text you Tuesday about the meeting on Monday, thank you for coming by, see you next week then, have a lovely day!"
after the person just told me they can't receive text and the meeting is cancelled.
It was mainly stress, I'm much better about it now,anxiety still kills me whenever I have to talk to people. I'm coherent now, I just hate people.

 

[restingspot]

What does it feel like?

If you've ever experienced lucid dreaming, you'll know the hazy quality of it. You know it's not real, but it sure does feel like it. That's de-realization, except it's in real life, all the time. Really fucks with your head.

 

[Severen]

Thanks to benzos, sometimes I don't remember anything I did on some days. But it's still a small price to pay.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Does your derealization take any specific form/narrative? Mine is a little elaborate but I feel like I control it pretty well.
For a few years I had to tell everybody I talked to "I will need to be reminded again of half of what you tell me, sorry." I would just keep repeating vague pleasantries to try to end conversations.
Like
"ok then, I will text you Tuesday about the meeting on Monday, thank you for coming by, see you next week then, have a lovely day!"
after the person just told me they can't receive text and the meeting is cancelled.
It was mainly stress, I'm much better about it now,anxiety still kills me whenever I have to talk to people. I'm coherent now, I just hate people.

Not really, my default experience of the world is now floaty, off-balance, and dreamlike. It happened overnight one day when I was 30. I was just walking around outside and suddenly got hit with what felt like a major dizzy spell. I had to sit down right away. Since then, life has felt totally surreal, and I'm always sort of lightheaded. It feels like I'm behind a layer of glass, and my senses are dulled. I have big problems with memory and concentration. That, along with the brain fog and fatigue that came with it, are the worst symptoms for me. Medical testing turned up nothing, predictably.

 

[not_a_robot]

Not really, my default experience of the world is now floaty, off-balance, and dreamlike. It happened overnight one day when I was 30. I was just walking around outside and suddenly got hit with what felt like a major dizzy spell. I had to sit down right away. Since then, life has felt totally surreal, and I'm always sort of lightheaded. It feels like I'm behind a layer of glass, and my senses are dulled. I have big problems with memory and concentration. That, along with the brain fog and fatigue that came with it, are the worst symptoms for me. Medical testing turned up nothing, predictably.

Jesus fucking christ, the test turned up nothing because they didn't look hard enough.
Did they accuse you of faking/delusions? Usually anything they can't see outright, like a broken arm, is always classed as faking/delusional. Or if there's any history of drugs or alcohol, that will always be considered the source of your problems, forever.
Doctors work so hard to get through school then become the laziest fucks you'll ever meet.
Ever used LSD?
Even long before your change?
Does it feel (instinctively) to you like an existential or neurological problem?

 

[been_there]

I have bad derealisation episodes. A week ago I got bashed by my teacher because I didn't remember anything from her last classes. Couldn't really say that back then I was desperately focusing on grounding and not panicking.

To me it feels like I'm in a dream or in some kind of a very distant memory.

There's nothing wrong with telling your teacher that you were trying to stop panicking at the time.

 

[not_a_robot]

I'm gonna guess.
A brain parasite pressing on something causing these perception problems.
But that should have shown something on an MRI.
Bring me your skull, let's open it up and have a peek inside. I'll figure it out. I have no medical degree but I have major qualification that your doctors lack: I actually give a shit.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Jesus fucking christ, the test turned up nothing because they didn't look hard enough.
Did they accuse you of faking/delusions? Usually anything they can't see outright, like a broken arm, is always classed as faking/delusional. Otr if there's any history of drugs or alcohol, that will always be considered the source of your problems, forever.
Doctors work so hard to get through school then become the laziest fucks you'll ever meet.
Ever used LSD?
Even long before your change?
Does it feel (instinctively) to you like an existential or neurological problem?

After this happened to me, I was in and out of the hospital trying to get a diagnosis. But the MRI, spinal tap, x-rays, blood tests etc were all normal. So they looked at all that and told me there's no way anything could be wrong, so they sent me to therapy under the label of "hypochondriac". So for 8 weeks I had to listen to this therapist tell me I had hypochondria when I didn't.

Fast forward a year later, I'm sitting at home drinking due to depression because of no answers and constantly feeling garbage, when I have a mental breakdown. It lasted for days and I was incredibly anxious with insomnia, and feelings of dread, despair etc. So after that, I sought mental help treatment, but now in everything I try to get help for, I have the label of being anxious etc. It's totally ruined any hope of an objective diagnosis at this point. I never did drugs or anything either, I was more or less totally normal until 5 years ago. This was my main reason for being on SS really. And of course, I still have all the original symptoms, in addition to the mental health issues.

 

[not_a_robot]

After this happened to me, I was in and out of the hospital trying to get a diagnosis. But the MRI, spinal tap, x-rays, blood tests etc were all normal. So they looked at all that and told me there's no way anything could be wrong, so they sent me to therapy under the label of "hypochondriac". So for 8 weeks I had to listen to this therapist tell me I had hypochondria when I didn't.

Fast forward a year later, I'm sitting at home drinking due to depression because of no answers and constantly feeling garbage, when I have a mental breakdown. It lasted for days and I was incredibly anxious with insomnia, and feelings of dread, despair etc. So after that, I sought mental help treatment, but now in everything I try to get help for, I have the label of being anxious etc. It's totally ruined any hope of an objective diagnosis at this point. I never did drugs or anything either, I was more or less totally normal until 5 years ago. This was my main reason for being on SS really. And of course, I still have all the original symptoms, in addition to the mental health issues.

Similar situation. You've heard of the bedbug epidemic that has colonized half the world, right? well I was one of the first people to notice it, 15 yrs ago. Went to Dr. about bites and explained the problem.
Well, every Doctor knows that any patient who "sees bugs" is psychotic and delusional.
So with no medical testing whatsoever, I was labeled psychotic/delusional.
In the 15 years since then, the epidemic has been confirmed and affected LITERALLY HALF THE PEOPLE ON THE PLANET.
I am still diagnosed as having imagined the entire thing.
At least half of my mental problems are the direct result of being treated by hateful incompetent doctors.

 

[LogicalConclusion]

My normal state is dissociation. All of the "grounding techniques" that they teach you to stop dissociation make things worse for me because being "present in my body" is agonizing. I also frequently have these...blips in my head where I suddenly lose track of everything and my mind goes blank and I have no idea what was being said for the past 3 seconds. It's bullshit

 

[Ruffian]

I just realized I was doing this yesterday to an extreme degree. I've done it before, but I was in a situation with other people that was making me me very uncomfortable.I don't understand people at all and generally I hate interacting with a large group, especially in an awkward work setting. I always end up sitting alone at lunch because so much forced interaction is horrible.

 

[not_a_robot]

Well now I feel compelled to post this to prove I didn't imagine it. That's the result of 15 years of being called a crazy stupid liar by every Doctor I meet for 15 years: I try to prove everything I say by pulling up third-party confirmation documentation on my phone to show people that I'm not making stuff up. CONSTANTLY. I feel like every sentence I speak requires a citation. And I try to provide it, because I know I am not believed.

It never helps. All they ever do is stare at my phone all stupid, like I just asked them to read a fucking banana. Then write in my chart. "I still don't like her. So she's still crazy."

This all causes/feeds my depersonalization, literally a constant certainty: "this can not be real. it can not, can not, be real. It is not real. there's no fucking way in hell any of this shit is real. It doesn't even seem real to me and I'm experiencing it. This is some simulated bullshit. I'm an AI character in a game being played by idiot children. None of this even exists."

Anyway.

Rankings of worst cities for bedbugs have bad news for Mid-Atlantic

New rankings of the worst U.S. cities for bedbugs are dominated by the Mid-Atlantic.

www.delawareonline.com

 

[LogicalConclusion]

@not_a_robot I am so fucking sorry you've had to deal with that bullshit. That is just...beyond awful. Sending virtual hugs your way friend

 

[not_a_robot]

@not_a_robot I am so fucking sorry you've had to deal with that bullshit. That is just...beyond awful. Sending virtual hugs your way friend

Lol thank you. It's honestly just the tip of the iceberg though. I was treated by an organization that hires doctors who lose their license for malpractice, and also at the two lowest ranked clinics in the nation, so if it seems like I've been extraordinarily unlucky, yes, I have.
Yet not that extraordinary because there are millions more being treated the same. Twenty two of them commit suicide a day and they can't wait for the day they make me Number 23. So not that extraordinary at all.

This is all a matter of public record btw. Not making it up.

 

[LogicalConclusion]

Lol thank you. It's honestly just the tip of the iceberg though. I was treated by an organization that hires doctors who lose their license for malpractice, and also at the two lowest ranked clinics in the nation, so if it seems like I've been extraordinarily unlucky, yes, I have.
Yet not that extraordinary because there are millions more being treated the same. Twenty two of them commit suicide a day and they can't wait for the day they make me Number 23. So not that extraordinary at all.

This is all a matter of public record btw. Not making it up.

I feel you...I've been to the the best hospital in the nation and they treated me like shit because of my insurance :') They had me 3 times; first for a few days, then the other two times for a day or less. The last time, I had arrived around 5:30am, saw the doctor and discussed med changes around 9:30, and by 10 the social worker was already planning my discharge before I had even taken the new meds. The whole system is fucked up, but unfortunately it's designed this way :/

 

[Final Escape]

Similar situation. You've heard of the bedbug epidemic that has colonized half the world, right? well I was one of the first people to notice it, 15 yrs ago. Went to Dr. about bites and explained the problem.
Well, every Doctor knows that any patient who "sees bugs" is psychotic and delusional.
So with no medical testing whatsoever, I was labeled psychotic/delusional.
In the 15 years since then, the epidemic has been confirmed and affected LITERALLY HALF THE PEOPLE ON THE PLANET.
I am still diagnosed as having imagined the entire thing.
At least half of my mental problems are the direct result of being treated by hateful incompetent doctors.

My guy friend has bed bugs in his apt so I can't ever go there. He has to come to my place lol! He has to check his clothes and backpack to make sure he's not bringing them to my place. They don't bite him for some reason but they liked me. So I stayed at his place a couple times and I would start to get bit after they could smell me. I would grab my stuff and go home as soon as I started to itch. I'm always paranoid that the bed bugs will find a way to my apartment. The government banned the chemical that has kept them at bay for many years and now they are making a come back. They claim it causes illness or it's toxic or something but that's not the real reason they banned it. It had to do with some bullshit reason and now millions of people are goin to have to suffer as a result. They are expensive and hard to get rid of. A video about why bed bugs are comin back lol!

 

[azucaramargo]

Why does the bed-bug guy have to come around AT ALL?

 

[Lush_nova]

Recently I have been made aware that I zone out/switch off. I can be like it for a while apparently, no one can get any response from me , Im slightly aware I have done it as all I can see and hear feels like Im not actually here, nothing feels real, a fog a dream i dont know.

I don't know why it happens.

 

[onamy]

I'm considering whether to go to a meetup with my friends, but don't know íf I can do it in this zombie state. I'm numb, they aren't. They are just being human beings, they talk about stuff and get react to things. I don't react to anything. I'm blunt and might say something that upsets them and I don't want to do that for them for our relationships in long-term. I feel like I can't empathize. Emotionally it doesn't matter whether I speak my mind about things we disagree with or not, if I do, they'll likely be upset, if I don't, then they don't. But it doesn't really affect me or stir any emotion in me. The world just goes on. Why would I go and stir that up, when I don't feel like I take any part or responsibility in what's going on?

 

[not_a_robot]

@Final Escape
jesus. Its easy to kill want me tell you how? I had to learn by myself because nobody believed me. Lol I cursed my doctor and the whole world for not believing me.
"you know I'm not the only one who can catch these, they will spread through society like wildfire. I fucking hope you catch it. I hope EVERYBODY catches it!"
Watching the epidemic unfold for the next decade was like watching a witches spell come true, oh how I fucking gloated. (no witchery, just a basic understanding of epidemiology and human behavior.)

You need to treat your stuff too, if you've been in contact with his car or clothing, there will have been transfer. Just because you aren't seeing, feeling it yet does not mean it isn't already started.

Ok so ask me nicely and I will tell you how to break the curse. I mean epidemic. ;)
ok don't ask.
You only need one chemical, permethrin. It is non toxic to humans but too much skin contact will cause weird sensations/numbness. It can be used many ways. It will mess plastics at high concentration. You can use on any surface or fabric and it dries odorless in a day or two. Treat clothes bedding furniture wall sockets carpets, basically coat your place with a thin layer the first time. Retreat every 60-90 days for at least a year.

Easiest product is Raid Fumigator. Smells good, takes 4--6 hours. It has to be the Fumigator with 12.0% permethrin. No similar product will help. Anything else and you just make them horny. This is a good preventative to use yearly but if you have already been exposed I would go for the heavier stuff.

It's sold on The A website named after a rainforest and Maybe some other sites. As a termite treatment.
It's a 36% concentration that you dilute with two parts water to get around 12%. Get a garden sprayer is the easiest way. smells bad, dries odorless. I would douse the whole place for an active infestation. This is what you can treat sheets and clothes with at 10%, to keep them off you and your bed. It is also used as all-bug repellent, for campers, pre-treated clothing can also be bought. Do not store under pressure. I forgot to depressurize my sprayer once, just don't do that.
Good luck.
Also treat luggage with this so no creepy-crawlies attach to it from hotels.
This shit is indispensable.

 

[not_a_robot]

and wear a mouth/nose cover if youre spraying it around, keep your windows open while using it, don't inhake it or get it in your eyes. It's only a temporary irritant but still.