Anybody feel like they need a hand holder?

[Final Escape]

With the borderline personality disorder and complex ptsd, I run into a really serious problem. That's not being able to implement, plan, take action on my own when it comes to everyday problems or things you have to get done.

I realized if u can get people to go with you to do everyday things that stress you out or overwhelm solves this to a degree. I'm not sure what this disability is called where you may have done something a million times but for some reason u can't seem to remember or be able to see through simple tasks by yourself. I had to have my friend go shopping with me.

It was horrible because he had to be patient enough for me to be really indecisive and watch the difficulty I have when I can't make decisions easy at the grocery store. But then once I got into the swing of being at the store it got easier. I'm not sure if it's a memory issue or anxiety? I've had this all my life but it got worse with age. Could be adderall brain damage.

 

[Jen Erik]

Yeah, I can relate; CPTSD is in my portfolio of diagnoses as well. For me, it's probably an anxiety issue; I feel like the trauma I experienced as a kid wired my brain in such a way that my decision-making ability is impaired and extremely fraught.

CPTSD can be tied-in with memory impairment also, so maybe it is a bit of both anxiety and memory for you?

 

[worldexploder]

With the borderline personality disorder and complex ptsd, I run into a really serious problem. That's not being able to implement, plan, take action on my own when it comes to everyday problems or things you have to get done.

I realized if u can get people to go with you to do everyday things that stress you out or overwhelm solves this to a degree. I'm not sure what this disability is called where you may have done something a million times but for some reason u can't seem to remember or be able to see through simple tasks by yourself. I had to have my friend go shopping with me.

It was horrible because he had to be patient enough for me to be really indecisive and watch the difficulty I have when I can't make decisions easy at the grocery store. But then once I got into the swing of being at the store it got easier. I'm not sure if it's a memory issue or anxiety? I've had this all my life but it got worse with age. Could be adderall brain damage.

Yeah, I can relate; CPTSD is in my portfolio of diagnoses as well. For me, it's probably an anxiety issue; I feel like the trauma I experienced as a kid wired my brain in such a way that my decision-making ability is impaired and extremely fraught.

CPTSD can be tied-in with memory impairment also, so maybe it is a bit of both anxiety and memory for you?

I got CPTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder (with avoidant and dependent features) so I can relate to the both of you. I always needed a "hand holder" (great way to put it btw). I can't function as a responsible adult. When I tried in the past, like when I was married, the stress got the best of me. I don't buy my own clothes, don't have a drivers liscens, or pull my weight. It's like mental paralysis. I'm also very depressed and anxious which makes these problems much worse. I'm always in need of my "safety person" so to speak. Right now it's Carla. When I was married it was my wife.

"Normies" think it's weird? Well fuck em. They should walk an inch in our shoes.

 

[weedoge]

With the borderline personality disorder and complex ptsd, I run into a really serious problem. That's not being able to implement, plan, take action on my own when it comes to everyday problems or things you have to get done.

I realized if u can get people to go with you to do everyday things that stress you out or overwhelm solves this to a degree. I'm not sure what this disability is called where you may have done something a million times but for some reason u can't seem to remember or be able to see through simple tasks by yourself. I had to have my friend go shopping with me.

It was horrible because he had to be patient enough for me to be really indecisive and watch the difficulty I have when I can't make decisions easy at the grocery store. But then once I got into the swing of being at the store it got easier. I'm not sure if it's a memory issue or anxiety? I've had this all my life but it got worse with age. Could be adderall brain damage.

Yep, feel like I need a carer, also feels that during my phase of trying to fill my life with a relationship without actually solving my own problems it retrospectively feels like I was trying to fill a parent shaped hole in my life (lol I'll take my freud hat off). Also yeah, seems very much like you're suffering from anxiety, the not being able to choose what you want at grocery store and stuff, I don't think it's a memory deficit rather than just being unable to think straight because of anxiety.

It's probably partly dependency I think, especially when it comes down to needing someone else to help. I'd never really considered it of myself until very recently but now it seems so obvious.

 

[Lra888]

Yes. I'm so fucked up at times I neglect everything important or make terrible self-sabotaging decisions. I cannot feed myself properly, my appearance looks like shit, i lay in bed all day, apartment is filthy. I know i need help desperately for basic things but that's not an option in the state i'm in. I'm a horrible person to be around. I just isolate and rot away. It's a contradictory situation, I feel completely alone but i'm not able to have anyone around me.

 

[weedoge]

Yes. I'm so fucked up at times I neglect everything important or make terrible self-sabotaging decisions. I cannot feed myself properly, my appearance looks like shit, i lay in bed all day, apartment is filthy. I know i need help desperately for basic things but that's not an option in the state i'm in. I'm a horrible person to be around. I just isolate and rot away. It's a contradictory situation, I feel completely alone but i'm not able to have anyone around me.

God, I get this.

 

[Rose]

I experience this as well. It's embarrassing because I'll ask someone for help with something... if they help me, I continue to ask them to help. I know what I'm doing, I understand the process, but I really feel like I need someone there at every step to help me through it. I simply can't do it without them helping me. This is even worse when said decisions are in public (where my anxiety shoots through the roof and I feel like I'm in a horrible nightmare) or it's a repetitive task.
As Worldexploder said, it's like mental paralysis. It's horrible because other people get impatient & annoyed with me for it, and I already hate myself for it even before that comes into play.

 

[Midnight]

I enjoy being the one with the steady hand. Helping others in situations they can't handle at some point. (Even though in some cases i have anxiety issues myself when i face a certain situation alone but instead of asking for help i get angry and leave). Funny thing is that for instance a task that would be difficult for me i'd have no issue with if i where helping someone else do it. Its strange but i get so much satisfaction from helping. Problem is it's always shortlived. After that you kick yourself for helping others while you remain in pain.

My ex sometimes used to ask for help even with trivial tasks in the most adoring and cute manner... It was so enjoyable for me to step up on those occasions.

Sadly enough having such a personality has cost me dearly ... Financially and mentally.

 

[ChickenAndPotatoes]

With the borderline personality disorder and complex ptsd, I run into a really serious problem. That's not being able to implement, plan, take action on my own when it comes to everyday problems or things you have to get done.

I realized if u can get people to go with you to do everyday things that stress you out or overwhelm solves this to a degree. I'm not sure what this disability is called where you may have done something a million times but for some reason u can't seem to remember or be able to see through simple tasks by yourself. I had to have my friend go shopping with me.

It was horrible because he had to be patient enough for me to be really indecisive and watch the difficulty I have when I can't make decisions easy at the grocery store. But then once I got into the swing of being at the store it got easier. I'm not sure if it's a memory issue or anxiety? I've had this all my life but it got worse with age. Could be adderall brain damage.

I use to take 2 hours to grocery shop and would only leave with a handful of things.

 

[Final Escape]

I got CPTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder (with avoidant and dependent features) so I can relate to the both of you. I always needed a "hand holder" (great way to put it btw). I can't function as a responsible adult. When I tried in the past, like when I was married, the stress got the best of me. I don't buy my own clothes, don't have a drivers liscens, or pull my weight. It's like mental paralysis. I'm also very depressed and anxious which makes these problems much worse. I'm always in need of my "safety person" so to speak. Right now it's Carla. When I was married it was my wife.

"Normies" think it's weird? Well fuck em. They should walk an inch in our shoes.

Right, sounds familiar :)

 

[ChickenAndPotatoes]

I experience this as well. It's embarrassing because I'll ask someone for help with something... if they help me, I continue to ask them to help. I know what I'm doing, I understand the process, but I really feel like I need someone there at every step to help me through it. I simply can't do it without them helping me. This is even worse when said decisions are in public (where my anxiety shoots through the roof and I feel like I'm in a horrible nightmare) or it's a repetitive task.
As Worldexploder said, it's like mental paralysis. It's horrible because other people get impatient & annoyed with me for it, and I already hate myself for it even before that comes into play.

I used to be like this. Anxiety through the roof when at work or out in public. Still get anxiety being out in public but overall anxiety lessened because I haven't worked in 3 years.

 

[Lavalamp]

Why did the title of this thread remind me of the Addams Family?

 

[Deleted member 1496]

Yes, I feel like I need a hand holder. I don't need someone to do things for me; I only need need someone (who's okay that I might make a mistake) to be there next to me, and I'd be fine.

 

[EndofMyRope]

Yes. I'm so fucked up at times I neglect everything important or make terrible self-sabotaging decisions. I cannot feed myself properly, my appearance looks like shit, i lay in bed all day, apartment is filthy. I know i need help desperately for basic things but that's not an option in the state i'm in. I'm a horrible person to be around. I just isolate and rot away. It's a contradictory situation, I feel completely alone but i'm not able to have anyone around me.

I can relate to EVERYTHING you've said. It's crazy how agoraphobic I've become.

 

[Threads]

no, i don't have financial problems

 

[Essie]

Yes, definitely, in certain situations. (And I am not referring to now when I am disabled and can't do anything.) My husband and I used to do everything together. I literally never went anywhere alone, and he always drove. For almost 20 years. And we met when I was 17, so I barely had driven myself, lol. Now, I am afraid of doing anything alone, esp. driving, even checking out at a store because he always did the cc, and I made a mistake once and looked like an idiot to the cashier. Basically, if it involves doing anything OUT, or squabbling with companies over the phone, I feel I need him to be my moral support (or just do it himself, lol). Otherwise, I am fine and work better alone.

 

[Final Escape]

You are wise to have been able to do this.

 

[Final Escape]

Yes. I'm so fucked up at times I neglect everything important or make terrible self-sabotaging decisions. I cannot feed myself properly, my appearance looks like shit, i lay in bed all day, apartment is filthy. I know i need help desperately for basic things but that's not an option in the state i'm in. I'm a horrible person to be around. I just isolate and rot away. It's a contradictory situation, I feel completely alone but i'm not able to have anyone around me.

You have absolutely no one?

 

[Lra888]

You have absolutely no one?

I live alone. I see a therapist once a week. I do have "friends" but no one I can be around when I'm like this. Haven't spoken to them in months or years in some cases. My room right now is piles of garbage and I haven't bought groceries in weeks, just snack food left over and cereal. Really bad.

If anyone walked into my room they would be like "what the fuck is wrong with you? - you should die". I don't think logically like cleaning and arranging my possessions in a normal way is difficult.

 

[Louise]

I can do stuff but I need a handholder even if one is not always available. I've been plagued by depression all year and in February I employed a carer to come round twice a week to help me do basic stuff like cooking and laundry but mainly just to chat. My online bf and another online friend encourage me to get things done, otherwise I would only do the bare minimum required for survival. Taking a daily bath is an ordeal that I dread.

 

[azucaramargo]

Yes. I'm so fucked up at times I neglect everything important or make terrible self-sabotaging decisions. I cannot feed myself properly, my appearance looks like shit, i lay in bed all day, apartment is filthy. I know i need help desperately for basic things but that's not an option in the state i'm in. I'm a horrible person to be around. I just isolate and rot away. It's a contradictory situation, I feel completely alone but i'm not able to have anyone around me.

I've been there. Thank you so much for articulating this would be vividly; it describes so we'll how I often feel.