Anybody else who has planned to ctb in the near future and is now suffering from 'waiting anxiety'?

[The_Flying_Fox]

So I have chosen a date for my ctb. It's in the very near future. But as I could have expected, I'm now feeling anxious. Anyone else in the same boat? Maybe we can support/comfort each other.

 

[keitaro]

is it anxious excitement, anxious fear, or both? i feel like i am looking forward to my ctb, but i also have worries about it, as well.

 

[Zerengin96]

No i plan on doing it within the next 3 weeks when i have gathered everything i need and i feel pretty relaxed honestly. That might change in the days leading up to it, but i dont think so.

 

[The_Flying_Fox]

is it anxious excitement, anxious fear, or both? i feel like i am looking forward to my ctb, but i also have worries about it, as well.

Thank you for replying. There's a little bit excitement, sometimes. Excitement about the fact that my suffering will end. But there's mostly fear. And sadness/guilt, because I know my ctb will hurt certain people very much.

No i plan on doing it within the next 3 weeks when i have gathered everything i need and i feel pretty relaxed honestly. That might change in the days leading up to it, but i dont think so.

That's great, that you feel pretty relaxed! Do you have some advice for someone like me, who's rather anxious about it? Why do you feel pretty relaxed (if you can describe that)?

 

[Zerengin96]

Thank you for replying. There's a little bit excitement, sometimes. Excitement about the fact that my suffering will end. But there's mostly fear. And sadness/guilt, because I know my ctb will hurt certain people very much.

That's great, that you feel pretty relaxed! Do you have some advice for someone like me, who's rather anxious about it? Why do you feel pretty relaxed (if you can describe that)?

I was never a fan of existing, i can say about myself that i never hurt anyone and i did a couple of good deeds in my life so i have a clear conscience. Also Schopenhauers philosophy helped me accept the fact that life is not worth it. Life constantly oscilates between boredom and desperation

Thank you for replying. There's a little bit excitement, sometimes. Excitement about the fact that my suffering will end. But there's mostly fear. And sadness/guilt, because I know my ctb will hurt certain people very much.

That's great, that you feel pretty relaxed! Do you have some advice for someone like me, who's rather anxious about it? Why do you feel pretty relaxed (if you can describe that)?

Oh advice for an anxious person? I really dont know. If you are anxious about it then you might not be ready for it yet? I dont know anything about you obviously so take my opinion not too seriously

 

[whitefeather]

 

[The_Flying_Fox]

Also Schopenhauers philosophy helped me accept the fact that life is not worth it.

Thank you for that. My favourite writer was an admirer of Schopenhauer. This remark of yours makes me somewhat calmer.

 

[whitefeather]

 

[Zerengin96]

Thank you for that. My favourite writer was an admirer of Schopenhauer. This remark of yours makes me somewhat calmer.

I would really advice you to look a bit into Schopenhauers philosophy. You dont have to read his giant work" world as will and representation" but you should look into summarys of his philosophy

 

[nosurpries]

i feel so guilty sometimes like when i am around my family and i know ill be gone in a couple of months. other times it brings me comfort that my suffering will end soon.

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

I have mine planned out in the next few months. The waiting is making me so impatient, excited, sad, all of it. I feel like this is what I really want.

But, it's annoying too, since some nice things have happened lately that made me wonder if I should push it back. And now I'm also doubtful, and a tiny bit hopeful, and I just... I don't want to hope anymore. I want to rest.

 

[Lost Magic]

yeah, I know the feeling. It feels like you are stuck in limbo. I have my method sorted and hopefully I will get my will witnessed next week. Waiting sucks though. I want to be gone before next summer. It's been a hellish decade.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

When you are prepared technically (in therms of method and equipment) and mentally in therms of considering the pros and cons, you can kill yourself right now, you need no fixed date in the future.

My suicide partner is ready and waiting for my massage, I drafted the message already, it begins with the words "I am ready now, I dont´t want to live one more day,...." When I feel, that this words are true I will send this message.

 

[Nlis2244]

Yes. I plan to do it by the half of September. Now I don't know if I'll be able to. My main problem is how fast these last few weeks have passed. They went by so quickly that I'm disoriented.

 

[Judy Garland]

I'm anxious leading to my time. I'm worried that I'll fail because I keep hearing my family in my head say, "It's only going to make you very sick". I don't want my death to be painful or uncomfortable, but I can't afford N, I only have SN.

 

[The_Flying_Fox]

My suicide partner is ready and waiting for my massage, I drafted the message already, it begins with the words "I am ready now, I dont´t want to live one more day,...." When I feel, that this words are true I will send this message.

Wow, you have a suicide partner! I'm jealous.

 

[Lone Wanderer]

So I have chosen a date for my ctb. It's in the very near future. But as I could have expected, I'm now feeling anxious. Anyone else in the same boat? Maybe we can support/comfort each other.

2 months from now is when I'll be leaving. I'm a bit nervous/sacred. But I made up my mind. With the time I have left I'm just gonna spend it with the people I love. That way at least I'll die with a few more happy memories.

 

[Darkover]

the only thing i'm anxious about is the SN failing i don't want to have to go to all that trouble for it not to work has intended if it works i'll be glad to be gone tbh

 

[Hope:-)]

^^^ I am also doing sn. Gone by Christmas. And tbh I just want to get it over with. I need to get the stuff first and further plan my method. All I ever do is go on this site. Wish it hadn't come to this.

 

[LiesAndLigatures]

Less than 3 weeks now. SN with meto. I've hidden spare doses in secret caches, because I'm extremely paranoid about failure. I really hope it works though. My friends and former therapist support my right to choose, but I feel bad about having to lie to my parents. I cut contact with my mom this week, but I live with my dad (had my own apartment, fucked that up too).

I no longer fear successfully dying, only the fallout if I fail.

 

[Hiraeth Grimoire]

So I have chosen a date for my ctb. It's in the very near future. But as I could have expected, I'm now feeling anxious. Anyone else in the same boat? Maybe we can support/comfort each other.

Yes, I have this anxiety as well. Late august to early September is the end of the line for me. I am trying not to think about it, I don't know how facing the end will be. I hope it also turns out well for you, and you can find peace with death.

 

[Theanswer]

So I have chosen a date for my ctb. It's in the very near future. But as I could have expected, I'm now feeling anxious. Anyone else in the same boat? Maybe we can support/comfort each other.

I am totally with you on this and thanks for the post. I am ctb with SN in a couple of weeks. I thought I had a grip on the SI but this weekend it's been rearing up again. But the minute I can really be honest instead of oh, but... (ain't so easy), it's evident that after 30 years of trying, with nothing improving, no I don't want more of this and I'm ready. Got to get out. But, yeah, getting anxious - what if I can't do it, what if I fail, what if someone hears me in the adjacent hotel room, what if....

I was at a place where I knew it would work, but now am back to fear that I will fail. I need to be out of my place and nowhere to go and no job (no family or friends) so I'd be double effed.

 

[Funeralprincess]

I am totally with you on this and thanks for the post. I am ctb with SN in a couple of weeks. I thought I had a grip on the SI but this weekend it's been rearing up again. But the minute I can really be honest instead of oh, but... (ain't so easy), it's evident that after 30 years of trying, with nothing improving, no I don't want more of this and I'm ready. Got to get out. But, yeah, getting anxious - what if I can't do it, what if I fail, what if someone hears me in the adjacent hotel room, what if....

I was at a place where I knew it would work, but now am back to fear that I will fail. I need to be out of my place and nowhere to go and no job (no family or friends) so I'd be double effed.

30 years? I couldn't make it that long

 

[Hope:-)]

I wake up in terror about the prospect of possibly not going through with it and the fact that I'm going to have to do it x