Anybody else want to ctb because of a narcissistic parent?

[Rain_Hermit]

My father is an extremely narcissistic man. His presence like a million leeches all over your body sucking out your blood. It's unbearable. As long as he is around, death is inevitable.

 

[summers]

My father is an extremely narcissistic man. His presence like a million leeches all over your body sucking out your blood. It's unbearable. As long as he is around, death is inevitable.

Since you have to be 18 to use this site, I'm assuming you're an adult. Move out and cut off contact with him.

 

[Rain_Hermit]

Since you have to be 18 to use this site, I'm assuming you're an adult. Move out and cut off contact with him.

I am attending university this year. It's going to take a while before I get out along with the rest of my family.

 

[summers]

I am attending university this year. It's going to take a while before I get out along with the rest of my family.

Guess that free college is worth more to you than your freedom and dignity. I respect your choice, but the decision is totally up to you. No sense in complaining about it.

 

[Nostalgic]

My father is an extremely narcissistic man. His presence like a million leeches all over your body sucking out your blood. It's unbearable. As long as he is around, death is inevitable.

My mother is a narcissist and a psychiatrist. She messed me up in the head really good when I was a child. She is a Covert Malignant narcissist prone to rages. She was also the only parent I had. Eventually I had to cut her out of my life which was a very difficult and painful decision to make. I understand when you are coming from, I know how hard life is for people like us vs people who had normal parents. People who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder often have childhood developmental trauma, which is no excuse but often explains why they are so messed up. The best thing you can do for yourself is to be happy and live a good life if you can and take care of yourself. Because you're father will definitely not take care of you and put your needs first

 

[bigfishlittlefish]

One of the best things I ever did was to write to my 'father' and tell him to get the hell out of my life, for ever. It didn't exactly go down easily in the beginning, but in the end it was well worth it not to have to feel his hateful presence anywhere in my life any more. I also changed my family name to get away from him as well. Perhaps that's something that might help you too?

 

[Rain_Hermit]

One of the best things I ever did was to write to my 'father' and tell him to get the hell out of my life, for ever. It didn't exactly go down easily in the beginning, but in the end it was well worth it not to have to feel his hateful presence anywhere in my life any more. I also changed my family name to get away from him as well. Perhaps that's something that might help you too?

I really hope that I can change my name ,hell I wish I could change my appearance as well.I look like that monster of a father, ugly and gross.I have got bad eyesight due to him as well.

 

[needed_]

My father is an extremely narcissistic man. His presence like a million leeches all over your body sucking out your blood. It's unbearable. As long as he is around, death is inevitable.

I feel what you mean. my father is the same. the only way to deal with it is to distance yourself

 

[bigfishlittlefish]

I really hope that I can change my name ,hell I wish I could change my appearance as well.I look like that monster of a father, ugly and gross.I have got bad eyesight due to him as well.

What country are you in? In most places it's fairly simple to legally change your name.
Could you do something like dye your hair?

 

[Rain_Hermit]

What country are you in? In most places it's fairly simple to legally change your name.
Could you do something like dye your hair?

Where I am from ,name change is fairly simple as you said,but my narcissistic father won't allow me to even get a simple hair cut.

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

YES. Infact it is the only reason for my ctb. My father is a covert malignant narcissist and mother a covert narcissistic enabler with lots of other abusive family members. They absolutely destroyed every single aspect of my life. Luckily my ctb date is around the corner and I will never have to face these monsters ever again.

 

[wannaseepenguins]

Would definitely recommend trying to stay at university or with someone else if you can't afford to live on your own yet. I always spiraled closer and closer to making impulse attempts when I had to stay at my parents' house on various occasions. If you absolutely can't find a way to get out try to set up a timeline/plan for moving out and remind yourself that there's a definite end date to having to live with him. That helped me.

 

[NormaJeane]

I have had problems with my mother all my life because she is a very difficult person to be with, but she is the only mother I have, so what can I do about it. However, some people should not have children.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Not sure mom and dad were technically narcissistic. But… Emotionally disengaged. Unable to listen. Less then deeply interested in "knowing" me. Left me alienated and vulnerable to sadness, depression, ennui, despair and feeling everything was pointless. All those crucial practices Gabor Mate talks about were missing…

 

[_Seeking]

I have the same father, he is very similar to Trump, minus the pussy grabbing. I have chronic illnesses and chronic pain and he uses that to treat me like I'm some imbecile that can't find the right doctor to cure me. He treats me like a child, but I am the one that has to do all this shit for him like laundry, writing stupid letters, constant lawsuits which he can't use internet so it falls on me, on top of work. It magnifies my suffering a thousand fold. I don't live with him, but I have to work with him because it is a family business and there is no way I could handle a 9-5 job somewhere else.

He took everything he could out of my mom until it killed her, now he expects me to take her place so he doesn't have to be alone. Part of me wanted to outlive him out of spite, but I am too tired to go on so he wins. I know he will make my funeral and death a complete farce, but nothing I can do about it.

He also flies into rages and has put the public in danger before, he is very good at lying and manipulative so it is impossible to do anything about it. It is just a burden that I don't know how to deal with.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Yeah my parents are shitty people who should have never had kids. They are the primary reason why I want to ctb in the first place. I still suffer mentally and physically from all the abuse I had to endure. They deny that they did anything wrong but narcissists never admit fault. I found that nothing has helped. Even getting away from them did not undo all the trauma and stress. My only escape is to die.

 

[Crazy4u]

I am in my thirties. I ran away from my parents when I was 24. I suffered financially and emotionally. I won't ctb because of them but I lost many things and opportunities because I don't have a support network.

Please try to avoid your dad as much as you can if you stay in the same house. I used to go out to parks and coffee shops to avoid my parents

 

[catdaddy2601]

My mums a narcissist... Honestly, she was the only family I had growing up as all my other family lived abroad. She literally fucked me up so much as a child mentally with her games, controlling behaviour, verbal and physical abuse, I went into foster care, my mum then started making false accusations about my sister carer to try and sabotage the placement, ended up moving into children's homes where I went through more traumatic experiences, she lied to her family that I was in boarding school because she didn't want to admit that I was living in care, she's just a compulsive liar. I protected her and didn't tell social services how bad she was because I didn't want to get her in trouble, I cut her off 10 years ago but I will never get those years back due to my trauma bond with her... Peoples childhood either makes them or breaks them, I know I'm broken and there is no getting better... I don't feel so bad today but now my delivery has come I feel so much comfort knowing I can exit when I'm ready...

 

[VKVK]

Yes but mostly because I don't have anything/one else. I have nothing and still gotta deal with it as long as I live in the same place as the problem. Obviously no support network, etc.. And you can add the neglect and abuse (not the same kind as most here, but it should be criminal for you to do the same thing my mother did to me, as it is the root cause of my mental health even today) to the mix.

 

[Silenos]

Awfully specific, but unfortunately my answer is yes. There are a million reasons, but my mother is the main one.

 

[arnd]

Not the main reason, but as they say, blood is thicker than water. It's a weird feeling knowing that your life was never for you to live

 

[LastFlowers]

Guess that free college is worth more to you than your freedom and dignity. I respect your choice, but the decision is totally up to you. No sense in complaining about it.

It's not always up to them.
You don't understand the complexities in situations like this.
For suicidal people especially, they can have other issues causing them to remain dependent against their will..or what you consider their better judgement.
Sometimes it is not possible to simply walk away unless you already have enough in your favor/going for you to make it and keep your head up.

Not to mention some parents go so far as to destroy your reputation to the point you have not a single soul to reach out to, no support system whatsoever, no way to climb the ladder.

 

[On Replay]

At this point , I believe the biggest factors of my life are indeed all Narcissistic after dealing with the hell my ex put me through. My Mother , My grandmother , my father … the most important people in my life

At the end of the day, No matter what I'm never enough. And when it comes to J . ABSOLUTELY he was. And when comparing his traits to the most important people in my life ? Sad to say but they're all the same pretty much

Whoops, I didn't read the title thread correct. I only saw narcissist and wanted to respond .. sorry . I don't want to die because of them , I want to die because of ME

They may be a factor . But at the end of the day I'm the cause

 

[SamTam33]

I hate my dad so much I could spit. For the last few days I've been listening to the leaked Joe Biden vm to his son on loop. I play it over and over, daydreaming about a dad that loved me.

The irony is because I despise him so much, he's the only person I'll tell about my plans - in great detail.

I have no desire to protect him or spare him the worry, like I do with my mom. I hate that I look like him. Why do most girls look like their fathers? That shit drives me crazy.

My mom came from a simple and uneducated family from the country. But his relatives are all screwed up. Suicide and lawlessness abounds. They're dysfunctional and downright evil people.

And that's the DNA he gave to me.

How on earth do you have two siblings (and a cousin) commit suicide, grow up in a house where your dad BRUTALLY beat your mom, YOU tried to kill your brother- yet you think you have the right to inject that filthy genetic material into someone else?

To hell with a universe where that's not a crime.

This morning I told him about how I'm done trying and went down a list of things that's wrong with my mind, things that happened to me in childhood, etc.

This SOB says, "Well... were you a victim or a volunteer?"

You psycho piece of shit! Who "volunteers" to grow up in the slums and gets attacked as a 14 year old girl and STILL has the physical scars to look at everyday?!

I wanted to shove my fist so far down his throat.

 

[StolenLife]

Yes, among everything else. Not only were they narcissistic but they were also incompetent and stubborn. My mother is a covert narcissist with anger issues and my father is her incompetent weak enabling yes-man. They didn't teach me anything useful in the world and managed to fuck up their finances yet gave me school related trauma so that I couldn't come home with a B in primary school because I'd be yelled at. They fucked my life up in so many ways yet narc pride makes it so that they won't admit it.