Discussion Anybody else try and make sure each day is interesting because their suicidal

[Dinozauria]

I've only started having this mindset recently, but I've started trying to make each day different from one another because I'm suicidal. Basically, since I'm gonna die, might as well try to enjoy life while it lasts. I'm still set on eventually catching the bus, but right now I'm just enjoying the freedom of doing whatever before I can't anymore. I don't need to worry about the future like this, and can just focus on adventuring

 

[Forveleth]

I am getting to this point. I "stopped living" for about a year because I kept thinking each day would be my last or I would die "soon". Then I looked back and realized I had wasted an entire year. Never again. I am doing what makes me happy right up until the day I die, whether that be in a day or a decade.

 

[synthetic_suicide]

yeah, I've started volunteering at a place I really like, actually making new friends. I do it 3-4 times a week and I feel genuinely happy when I am there.

 

[E4syW3y0u7]

I wish i was able to find anything interesting.

My body and mind simply rejects everything that once made me happy/ecstatic.

It's like i'm actively looking for misery or do things that would put me in distress.

I envy your mindset, might aswell do anything to the fullest while you have the capacity or will to do so.

I wish i could.

 

[SighCry]

Yup same! I go to the movies by myself, went skydiving, trying my favourite restaurants... just doing whatever every day. Might as well make the most of it while I'm still there.

 

[Lapdog6795]

I try to keep myself busy as much as I can. I've ADD which comes with varied interests. I love reading, writing, cooking, coding, meditation, fitness, going for walks. But I have also acquired all the means necessary for my ctb, for the day when I'm ready to go.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm not at the point yet- where suicide is an imminent possibility to be able to live like this. (I'm trying to hold on for my Dad to go first.) Hence- most of my life is dictated by work still.

I've definitely toyed with this idea though. How would I live if I actually felt free to do so? What do I want to experience before I die?

I wonder about people in general really. Wouldn't it be so much better if we knew when we were going to die? How many people drop dead before retirement? Before they got the chance to do the things they wanted?

It all lends weight to the whole: 'Live everyday like it's you're last' but then- we can't do that practically. So much of life seems to be filled with tedious chores to maintain it. We can't really shirk those things without experiencing the negative consequences.

I like your idea though. Is it making you less suicidal do you think?

 

[anch]

I am getting to this point. I "stopped living" for about a year because I kept thinking each day would be my last or I would die "soon". Then I looked back and realized I had wasted an entire year. Never again. I am doing what makes me happy right up until the day I die, whether that be in a day or a decade.

Why do you feel the need to die if you can do what makes you happy for that long? And if you do it even though you would rather be dead, how do you equate that to happiness?

Forgive the bold question, I'm just confused sometimes.

 

[Dinozauria]

I like your idea though. Is it making you less suicidal do you think?

I don't think it's making me less suicidal, but I suppose it does have the potential to. My issue is, I can only run away from having to get a job for so long, but when I do get a job, I don't get to live life happily, because I get too drained throughout the week. Though, this mindset is making me want to try a little harder to see if I can find a way to make money without being in a constant cycle of burnout. I still don't have much hope I'll find a way though

As I said at the start of the thread, its a mindset I've only adopted recently. Only time can really tell how it'll affect my mental state. I'm just hoping I don't get tired of trying to make everyday unique as can be, because this is honestly the most carefree I've got to be in a while

Also, what you said here (forgive the awkward formatting):
"It all lends weight to the whole: 'Live everyday like it's you're last' but then- we can't do that practically. So much of life seems to be filled with tedious chores to maintain it. We can't really shirk those things without experiencing the negative consequences."
This really resonates with me too. We need to work to live, but with the amount of work we have, we cannot afford to live

 

[Forveleth]

Why do you feel the need to die if you can do what makes you happy for that long? And if you do it even though you would rather be dead, how do you equate that to happiness?

Forgive the bold question, I'm just confused sometimes.

Because the happiness is fleeting. I have chronic depression and I am also living with an emotionally abusive partner. Overall, my life is full of sadness but I can find relief in little moments by doing things for myself.

 

[snowy_summer]

I've only started having this mindset recently, but I've started trying to make each day different from one another because I'm suicidal. Basically, since I'm gonna die, might as well try to enjoy life while it lasts. I'm still set on eventually catching the bus, but right now I'm just enjoying the freedom of doing whatever before I can't anymore. I don't need to worry about the future like this, and can just focus on adventuring

Ever since my attempt a few months ago I've realized that I should just do whatever I want, got me in trouble with my bf for walking around alone at night but once you set a date it kinda feels like you should just do whatever you want while you can. I don't want to go wishing I could have done something