Anybody else really sad?

[throwaway123]

Just knowing you're never going to experience a normal,happy life.
It makes me angry and sad at the same time. Some people had a lot of luck in their lives but they are so ignorant and spoiled.

 

[Halo13]

Well said.

 

[Roger]

I had the happy life, and so much luck. Now it has all gone catastrophically wrong.

 

[LastFlowers]

All the time. And every other excruciating kind of emotion to live and breathe every single day. Until the numbness comes. Then back again, in a circle.

 

[Circles]

Most of the time yes. The sadness has morphed into numbness and apathy for me at this point. I can't describe the words on how depriving and inadequate it makes me feel. Knowing I'll always be behind on what I supposedly ought to be doing which I find pointless anyway intensifies the despair.

 

[LogicalConclusion]

I have times where I feel very sad and deeply nostalgic (or maybe saudade would be a better term - Portuguese word with no English equivalent, but it essentially means a longing but maybe for something or somewhere that hasn't actually happened). For the most part I am at peace, though. It's still a process fully coming to terms with the finality of things, but grief is like that, whether or not you're deciding to ctb or if you've become ill, mentally or physically. I think what helps me get through it is instead of fighting it as I have for so long, I'm beginning to embrace it. The only way out is through, as they say.

 

[Rocksandsand]

I have had so many people say that I have this background sadness around me... Teachers always commented on it in school - that I had a quiet sadness even as a child. It's gotten louder now, my partner says he can see it more and more. I'm a youth worker and some kids ask me why I am so sad... These are kids with extreme childhood abuse picking up that their welfare worker is sad. Something about that never sits right...

So yes. I am sad.

 

[Imgonnahangmyself]

I'm sad that I'll never know what true happiness is like. I'm sad not sad that I'm gonna die young. But I'm sad I'm gonna die a virgin

 

[Conflicted Cat]

Yeah. I may experience brief moments of happiness because of certain things, but I will never truly be, "happy". It depresses me.

 

[inconsequential]

I'm sad that I will never truly know what not being in pain feels like.

 

[Sailfisher]

Yep. Had a normal and happy life, but didn't make the right choices to maintain it.

 

[Robbyna]

I'm very sad. Recently I made a lot of bad choices and my life that wasn't so great to begin with is now unbearable. I was missing out on a lot of life before but now I'm just existing just breathing because my body refuses to die.

 

[Faraway1990]

I had all the potential for happiness in front of me and in 2016 it was all pulled away from me because of bad earlier in life decisions I made its been down hill from there which has led me to here and my Decision to CTB

 

[PatKat]

Yea, I gave up long ago trying to be happy. It is exhausting enough to stay alive.

 

[ExitTheDay]

Bad people only find comfort in materialistic things, where as people who have nothing find peace in making others happy because they know what it's like to have nothing

 

[Vegrau]

No thanks. I never like their ideas of normalcy or what they deem as normal. To me theyre the most abnormal bunch of all. For trying to assign rules to chaos. Meaning to meaningless. I would rather live life the way I am and want to.

Their way of life will never bring me happiness nor peace. And I didnt waste my time living so I can mimic someone else's happiness. I know what I want. I know what I need and this existence can never give me what I want.

 

[gentleflower]

I feel like I do consist mostly of sadness nowadays. I have given up on the future I had always dreamed about, I have in fact stopped dreaming at all. Getting through the actual day is hard enough.
My grandparents told me that I have lost my ability to genuinely smile and they are so right. I forgot what true happiness feels like.

 

[PatKat]

I feel like I do consist mostly of sadness nowadays. I have given up on the future I had always dreamed about, I have in fact stopped dreaming at all. Getting through the actual day is hard enough.
My grandparents told me that I have lost my ability to genuinely smile and they are so right. I forgot what true happiness feels like.

It does become comforting after a certain point. What would I do without this part of myself.

 

[GeorgeJL]

Yeah I use to be one of those people that had so much potential in life. Now that I've had almost everything taken from me I would do anything to get back that potential that I had years ago.

 

[Oblivion Lover]

Actually, the problem is the total opposite to me. The fact that I'm going to have a totally normal and simple life is what bothers me and makes me want to CTB. I wanted to be special, to be powerful, smart, rich, to have a legion of fans that would give their lives for me, to be remembered eternally by the citizens of Earth and have my history told in schools and be a source of inspiration for kids, to create an utopic new society with myself as the leader, and so it goes. But no, I'm just another normal person. A number. Just one among billions of people who will never do anything important. I can't accept that. I won't accept that. I'd rather die now than live a meaningless life for any more years. If my wildest dreams will never come true then there's no point in continuing.

 

[been_there]

@OblivionLover Laudable aims. What's your ctb plan?

 

[sadgirl2002]

Fuck my life, honestly. Life has been nothing but misery for me. Tears are falling from my eyes and onto my pillow right now when I saw people's facebook profiles from my high school. Where did I go wrong? I just want to die...

 

[Final Escape]

Yea, living with the consequences of severe mistakes in my youth. I'm aware it's not entirely my fault having not been educated well, parented well, and it's not as though life success is based solely on luck. You sort of need to be guided well and invested in. If you were treated like a throwaway in your formative years, well most likely whatever potential for a decent life u might have had will not be realized especially in this current system we live under. You can overcome a bad childhood but u need mentors and people to help straighten out your worldview if u experienced too many bad events in childhood, otherwise u develop a victim mentality.

 

[Tabbyql]

I don't think I've ever experienced actual, genuine happiness. Ive always faked it, makes me even more sad knowing i never will be.

 

[stillwoozy]

Yeah. I feel like a robot or alien in this world, I don't understand anything and am innately confused and upset about it.
I have never been relaxed, happy, or satisfied my whole life. It's very frustrating.

 

[Weems]

Yeah. I'm very sad these days. Not really about my own future though. Benatar's asymmetry seems to be real. Lack of a happy future is not bad. But future pain is. Specifically that of my family and what friends I have left.

Yea, living with the consequences of severe mistakes in my youth. I'm aware it's not entirely my fault having not been educated well, parented well, and it's not as though life success is based solely on luck. You sort of need to be guided well and invested in. If you were treated like a throwaway in your formative years, well most likely whatever potential for a decent life u might have had will not be realized especially in this current system we live under. You can overcome a bad childhood but u need mentors and people to help straighten out your worldview if u experienced too many bad events in childhood. Otherwise u develop a victim mentality.

This is so important. I was not neglected or abused in childhood, not even close. My parents were kind and loving. But man, I could have used some Tiger Mother. Tests showed that I was a really bright kid, but I never studied, didn't get involved with the smart kids, nothing. The failure to develop intellectually led to me developing my personality issues IMHO.

 

[Oblivion Lover]

@OblivionLover Laudable aims. What's your ctb plan?

Sorry for taking so long to answer, I didn't receive a notification. I plan to ctb by sodium nitrite as I cannot afford N and due to metoclopramide and cimetidine (tagamet) being over the counter here.

 

[kolski]

This might sound a little odd, but I rather I was the sad one than any of people I love around me. It sucks, and dear god it's lonely. But I live with it.

 

[been_there]

Sorry for taking so long to answer, I didn't receive a notification. I plan to ctb by sodium nitrite as I cannot afford N and due to metoclopramide and cimetidine (tagamet) being over the counter here.

Oh, OK. After reading your reasons, I thought it may be something more elaborate.

 

[Jolene40]

I am desperately sad. I am so sad because all I want is to be well and enjoy the love of my son and love him back. It's something I've searches for all my life and I didn't realise how much love you could have until I became a mum. And now it's all being taken away.
There are some horrible rotten people out there who never seem to have to suffer at all and don't realise what they have. Its all so unfair really