Anybody else here ashamed of their sexuality?

[FadingDawn]

Generally, I'm ashamed and angry that i was born with sexual feelings and impulses that I can't control at will, and that feel degrading to me.

 

[sserafim]

Generally, I'm ashamed and angry that i was born with sexual feelings and impulses that I can't control at will, and that feel degrading to me.

Same

 

[FadingDawn]

Same

Social attitudes, and the bodily features and functions of human sexuality, tbh are repellent and upsetting to me; but tbh I don't think I could express this in much places without being mocked.

 

[derpyderpins]

Generally, I'm ashamed and angry that i was born with sexual feelings and impulses that I can't control at will, and that feel degrading to me.

Same

I'm sorry ya'll have to feel this way. It says a lot about the world, because sex between two people who love each other is beautiful, but sex has been so cheapened and commoditized, and people are so walled-off from each other that I guess I can understand seeing it as dirty.

 

[a.hamza.13]

The only way to escape from these feelings is to keep yourself busy in something else worth doing. The more you'll think about it the more you'll feel it. It's just a temporary feeling. We shouldn't keep up with the temporary feelings.

 

[FadingDawn]

The only way to escape from these feelings is to keep yourself busy in something else worth doing. The more you'll think about it the more you'll feel it. It's just a temporary feeling. We shouldn't keep up with the temporary feelings.

I don't think anything in life is worth doing; or at least, nothing truly worth doing, is available or possible to me.

 

[a.hamza.13]

I don't think anything in life is worth doing; or at least, nothing truly worth doing, is available or possible to me.

You're right that nothing's worth doing at all but if we live no matters for a short period of time, we ought to do things that we can do forever in the long run without abashment.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

While there are aspects of my sexuality that I consider to be embarrassing or even downright shameful, like some of my kinks, I wouldn't say that I'm ashamed of my sexuality as a whole. There are aspects of it that I do question, like my orientation (I'm still not sure as to whether I am bi or straight), but that's it.

My main issues with my sexuality stems from my intrusive thoughts, rather than from my actual sexuality itself.

 

[halleyscomet]

I think that sex can be a very beautiful thing, I've never been one for the physical sensations of it - I've always preferred and enjoyed the closeness you feel from being that close and trusting with someone else.

However in recent times the thought of it repulses me, the only 2 guys I've dated ended up taking advantage of me. So badly I want to see sex as a beautiful experience between trusting parties, but in my experience that trust has always been broken. I am repulsed that my body reacts, even if I don't want it. I know it's just my body and hormones or whatever but it makes me feel icky and gross that I could be taken advantage like that and my body allows it to happen.

I think love is a wonderful thing, but sex is like almost a requirement nowadays. I can't love someone and have them not ask for sex and I hate it, and I hate the fact that I indulge in it because I don't have much of another choice.

 

[Meteora]

Thank you for this thread!! I feel the same. Always thought I m the only one.
Before I can have sexual thoughts or feelings I always have to overcome strong feelings of shame. @FadingDawn

 

[thenamingofcats]

My view of sexuality and sex is rather extreme. I see sex as another form of violence and can't see it as having anything to do with love or bonding at all. I don't get why people say that when you could bond by hugging or having a meal with someone or talking to them. To me sex will only be about violence regardless of the situation and who's involved. Unpopular but that's what I feel.

 

[sserafim]

I'm sorry ya'll have to feel this way. It says a lot about the world, because sex between two people who love each other is beautiful, but sex has been so cheapened and commoditized, and people are so walled-off from each other that I guess I can understand seeing it as dirty.

I see sex as something dirty. I honestly think that it's disgusting. It sounds gross to have someone else's body part inside of you. I also view sex as something shameful. Maybe I'm just sex-repulsed asexual. It ashames me that I have sexual feelings and impulses. I don't want to actually engage in such a disgusting act. I'll probably end up dying a virgin lol

 

[FadingDawn]

My view of sexuality and sex is rather extreme. I see sex as another form of violence and can't see it as having anything to do with love or bonding at all. I don't get why people say that when you could bond by hugging or having a meal with someone or talking to them. To me sex will only be about violence regardless of the situation and who's involved. Unpopular but that's what I feel.

I'm very sorry to hear that. Hope your okay…

I see sex as something dirty. I honestly think that it's gross and disgusting. I also view it as something shameful. Maybe I'm just sex-repulsed asexual

I also feel it's very disgusting and degrading. I also think most of forms of sexual engagement in our social structure, are to some measure coerced — and hence an act of violence and violation: or at least in a lot of cases, if maybe not always

 

[ConfusedClouds]

I'm ashamed of not understanding my sexuality. And also having no interest. I guess probably asexual then. But equally there's not a lot I have interest in and other things make me wonder if that would ever change if I ever 'recovered'.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I've been feeling this to such an extent lately that I've come to the conclusion that sexual and romantic feelings are the worst part of human existence. (Yes, it's hyperbole; I am expressing an irrational emotion, not a fact).

 

[derpyderpins]

I see sex as something dirty. I honestly think that it's disgusting. It sounds gross to have someone else's body part inside of you. I also view sex as something shameful. Maybe I'm just sex-repulsed asexual. It ashames me that I have sexual feelings and impulses. I don't want to actually engage in such a disgusting act. I'll probably end up dying a virgin lol

I'm no expert, but seeing as you fantasize about sex I'd consider the possibility that you are not asexual, but simply have a warped view of human relationships in general, with sex being the absolute most intimate act of connection possible and therefore the most threatening to you. Porn can also give you a fucked-up impression of what sex is.

 

[thenamingofcats]

I'm no expert, but seeing as you fantasize about sex I'd consider the possibility that you are not asexual, but simply have a warped view of human relationships in general, with sex being the absolute most intimate act of connection possible and therefore the most threatening to you. Porn can also give you a fucked-up impression of what sex is.

But why do people see it as the most intimate act possible? Isn't it just reproduction? That it's so commonly bought and sold seems so not intimate and also how people direct it onto children and animals. There are so many reasons I see it as being basically evil, and I rarely use the word evil.

That's why I see having a meal with someone as more intimate because short of poisoning no one has ever raped someone with a chicken dinner.
PS- i know I'm messed up

 

[sserafim]

But why do people see it as the most intimate act possible? Isn't it just reproduction? That it's so commonly bought and sold seems so not intimate and also how people direct it onto children and animals. There are so many reasons I see it as being basically evil, and I rarely use the word evil.

That's why I see having a meal with someone as more intimate because short of poisoning no one has ever raped someone with a chicken dinner.
PS- i know I'm messed up

I see it as physically intimate because someone is putting their body part (sex organ) inside your body. Someone is literally inside of you. Honestly, to me, it seems like a violation of boundaries and personal space. I would never let anyone get that close to or intimate with me, nor do I want to. I'd never be that close or trusting with someone else

 

[FadingDawn]

I think that sex can be a very beautiful thing, I've never been one for the physical sensations of it - I've always preferred and enjoyed the closeness you feel from being that close and trusting with someone else.

However in recent times the thought of it repulses me, the only 2 guys I've dated ended up taking advantage of me. So badly I want to see sex as a beautiful experience between trusting parties, but in my experience that trust has always been broken. I am repulsed that my body reacts, even if I don't want it. I know it's just my body and hormones or whatever but it makes me feel icky and gross that I could be taken advantage like that and my body allows it to happen.

I think love is a wonderful thing, but sex is like almost a requirement nowadays. I can't love someone and have them not ask for sex and I hate it, and I hate the fact that I indulge in it because I don't have much of another choice.

That sounds horrendous to have to experience… I'm very sorry to hear you had experiences like that with those people. And yeah, you do have choice; you really shouldn't hang around people who expect and demand it of you… stay safe.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I see it as physically intimate because someone is putting their body part (sex organ) inside your body. Someone is literally inside of you. Honestly, to me, it seems like a violation of boundaries and personal space. I would never let anyone get that close to me, nor do I want to

I think that's the whole point though, that usually we have a personal bubble whose boundaries are enforced, but now you're singling someone out and deliberately choosing to let them inside that bubble. Also, I think focusing only on the act itself is somewhat narrow; in my view, sex is physically intimate because of the skin-on-skin contact and all the endorphins/positive emotions that are being mutually given and received.

 

[sserafim]

I think that's the whole point though, that usually we have a personal bubble whose boundaries are enforced, but now you're singling someone out and deliberately choosing to let them inside that bubble. Also, I think focusing only on the act itself is somewhat narrow; in my view, sex is physically intimate because of the skin-on-skin contact and all the endorphins/positive emotions that are being mutually given and received.

Well, I guess I'm scared of intimacy then. I think I have a fear of intimacy. I don't want intimacy though

 

[thenamingofcats]

I think that's the whole point though, that usually we have a personal bubble whose boundaries are enforced, but now you're singling someone out and deliberately choosing to let them inside that bubble. Also, I think focusing only on the act itself is somewhat narrow; in my view, sex is physically intimate because of the skin-on-skin contact and all the endorphins/positive emotions that are being mutually given and received.

That makes a lot of sense. But I don't understand how all the evil things about sex fits into the picture or how people separate them.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

That makes a lot of sense. But I don't understand how all the evil things about sex fits into the picture or how people separate them.

I think it's just a matter of being able to hold two truths in your head at the same time. Sex can be beautifully intimate, but it can also be horrifically evil. It's the same with many other parts of the human experience. For example, food can be wonderfully delicious, but it can also be repulsively disgusting. It can be used to build social connections, or it can be used to tear someone down and cause relational friction. Things are multi-faceted and can be experienced differently in different circumstances.

Well, I guess I'm scared of intimacy then. I think I have a fear of intimacy. I don't want intimacy though

I wish I could be steadfast in my not wanting it...instead I constantly flip-flop back and forth between wanting and not wanting.

 

[a.hamza.13]

I see sex as something dirty. I honestly think that it's disgusting. It sounds gross to have someone else's body part inside of you. I also view sex as something shameful. Maybe I'm just sex-repulsed asexual. It ashames me that I have sexual feelings and impulses. I don't want to actually engage in such a disgusting act. I'll probably end up dying a virgin lol

I also have the same perception of sex. It's disgusting and an animal type of thing. I'll also probably end up dying a virgin.

 

[xinino]

There's literally uncontrollable unconscious part in your brain, but we tame it, we tame it

 

[Meteora]

We shouldn t tame it..... should we? @xinino
I feel ashamed of my sexuality, too but I think I should somehow overcome it.

 

[xinino]

I'm sorry ya'll have to feel this way. It says a lot about the world, because sex between two people who love each other is beautiful, but sex has been so cheapened and commoditized, and people are so walled-off from each other that I guess I can understand seeing it as dirty.

I remembered when zizek deemed depravity and degeneracy as natural, also erotism is a way to deposel the excess, the black sun must manifest itself, I think orthodox sex and love should be transgressed for better adaptation.

We shouldn t tame it..... should we? @xinino
I feel ashamed of my sexuality, too but I think I should somehow overcome it.

tame it or transgress it is up to you to decide, but in my opinion if your sexuality didn't effect your adaptation not necessary to mainstream but also to certain groups indentification then there is not need to tame it but embrace it instead, my point is if it is subjectively socially functional for you than it is fine to manifest it, otherwise be ashamed about it.

 

[xinino]

My view of sexuality and sex is rather extreme. I see sex as another form of violence and can't see it as having anything to do with love or bonding at all. I don't get why people say that when you could bond by hugging or having a meal with someone or talking to them. To me sex will only be about violence regardless of the situation and who's involved. Unpopular but that's what I feel.

Sex is relief from the tension of tender love, sex is where my greatest forms of hate and happiness are intertwined.

I see it as physically intimate because someone is putting their body part (sex organ) inside your body. Someone is literally inside of you. Honestly, to me, it seems like a violation of boundaries and personal space. I would never let anyone get that close to or intimate with me, nor do I want to. I'd never be that close or trusting with someone else

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[Meteora]

Tame it or transgress it is up to you to decide, but in my opinion if your sexuality didn't effect your adaptation not necessary to mainstream but also to certain groups indentification then there is not need to tame it but embrace it instead, my point is if it is subjectively socially functional for you than it is fine to manifest it, otherwise be ashamed about it.

Sounds logical.
Guess there are ppl who have nothing to be ashamed of but still feel this way. Feels like a prison.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

Yeah. I was raised in deep sexual shame. In a very puritan and repressed part of North America. Not just sexual shame but body shame in general. My first compulsion that I couldn't control was masturbation, so you can imagine how that impacted the way I interact with my own sexuality. I have a functional sexuality that's probably something more specific than "bisexual" these days but I'm too old to redefine myself. I lean toward women and I've enjoyed the odd romp with a man but never dated a man.

I also have a paraphilia I was born with and I have never acted upon, I don't care to name it and it's not pedophilia if that's what you're thinking. But it gives me a sense of compassion for non-offending pedophiles, that's for sure. Because despite controlling myself for 37 years, and I'm happy with that situation and never gonna change--people who could be my neighbours will still torture-kill me if I out myself.

So... yeah, I am deeply ashamed of my sexuality, and I consider myself as having two parallel sexualities. Neither of which I am particularly fond of. The regular sexuality might be more body-shame related? But the paraphilia is a constant, fundamental shame and there's really nothing to do about it because nothing I do in my entire life will ever make me not a paraphiliac. Ooooh, now I bet you think it's necrophilia. Well lol it's not that either. Mind your own business <3