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CoolGuy9

CoolGuy9

Mage
Mar 5, 2019
524
Just woke up and felt sad and depressed, because of reality. Calmed myself with the fact that I can ctb in 3 weeks.

Anybody else get the morning sadness?
 
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W

WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,163
Yeah, I'm just like "Damn, one more day of this nonsense life again? Fuck..."
 
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siray

siray

the crucified
Dec 28, 2018
178
Mornings are just the worst, especially after I've had my breakfast, coffee and cigarette, there's nothing to do, I feel worthless, there's this ugly feeling in my chest that lingers for hours.

Truly death is the only consolation in such desolate state of mind. I ask myself, would I put up with this feeling for one more day? ABSOLUTELY NOT, IT'S HORRENDOUS, this morning existential sickness. But I'll still wait a week or so until I can decide whether I want a handgun or jump off a building.
Or move to a different city away from family.
 
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ClownMe

ClownMe

Don't Cry for Me, I'm Already Dead
Apr 7, 2021
20,561
It's awful, I dream of going to sleep one night and never waking back up, sadly that will never happen.
 
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xBrialesana

xBrialesana

Become Dust With Me, My Love.
Dec 17, 2019
553
I have crazy insomnia and usually go a week or so without sleep, and when I do sleep it's usually a few hours and I wake up by 5 am. So I wake n bake lol it's the only way I can bare being alive to any degree
 
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Lmd

Lmd

Elementalist
Jul 12, 2020
812
Yes. Lately I spend the time I'm awake crying and feeling sad and totally alone. Loneliness is giving me some peace but also more sadness and when I talk with anyone I ended up feeling worse so these days are nightmares that only end when I'm sleeping. Waking up and realizing that nothing will change makes me feel hopeless.
 
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Sisyphus

Sisyphus

Member
Jul 26, 2021
70
When I wake up I am panicked, thinking of all the bad stuff that could happen that day. A stream of negative possibilities goes through my mind, and the anxiety wakes me completely immediately. After the panic, a desolation sets in as I realize I am stuck here in this position and I cannot make any change.

Although I am fully awake, i just want to go back to sleep, so I end up laying in my bed drifting in and out for hours. Since I have lost my job due to my physical and mental issues, I have no need to get up and every time I wake up I have the urge to kill myself.

I spend the day in this state of worthlessness and hopelessness. Still, despite all of this, I would still like to be able overcome my problems and live. Dying would only be a last resort for me.
 
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CoolGuy9

CoolGuy9

Mage
Mar 5, 2019
524
Yes. Lately I spend the time I'm awake crying and feeling sad and totally alone. Loneliness is giving me some peace but also more sadness and when I talk with anyone I ended up feeling worse so these days are nightmares that only end when I'm sleeping. Waking up and realizing that nothing will change makes me feel hopeless.
How is loneliness giving you some peace?
 
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Gaybonez

Gaybonez

vegan jesus
Nov 30, 2020
208
Just woke up and felt sad and depressed, because of reality. Calmed myself with the fact that I can ctb in 3 weeks.

Anybody else get the morning sadness?
Rarely. I'm usually very happy. It depends on the day but I usually am happy all day. My sadness usually appears later in the day. The only time I wake up sad is when I get anxiety fueled sleep. I.E I get stressed out the night before
 
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S

Smily

Member
Jul 7, 2021
48
Every morning. I sometimes stay awake as long as I can so I don't have to wake up, and start a new day. I guess the only morning I'll be happy to wake up is the one before I CTB
 
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Lmd

Lmd

Elementalist
Jul 12, 2020
812
How is loneliness giving you some peace?
I don't know. This is new for me too. I've been alone for almost my whole life and I was always complaining about it until a couple years ago that I found friends and started to be loved. For me they were my only good thing in life and now I can't stand anyone. I spend the day listening to music, cooking or playing videogames until someone comes and make me remember how awful is my life.

Yesterday a friend called me because he was worried. We used to talk daily and now I barely connect to play so I told him how bad I feel and how sad I am and his great idea to cheer me up was tell me that I'm feeling like that since some things that happened last month. I didn't think about these things until he mentioned them so I spent the rest of the day crying for them, like I haven't enough with my current problems. And if isn't him then is someone else carrying some weird bad feelings to me so I ended up enjoying loneliness because at least alone I don't have to deal with anything else than my depression.

I don't really like it and I'm bothered by the fact that now I have literally nothing in my life to be happy for. In the other hand this is pushing me to CTB without worrying anyone and my guilt trip of hurting them is gone so I'm starting to feeling free to CTB at the end of this month. Thinking about it gaves me some calm and makes me feel kinda good.
 
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Sisyphus

Sisyphus

Member
Jul 26, 2021
70
The only time I wake up sad is when I get anxiety fueled sleep. I.E I get stressed out the night before
I am the same, but this is my every morning.
 
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CoolGuy9

CoolGuy9

Mage
Mar 5, 2019
524
Rarely. I'm usually very happy. It depends on the day but I usually am happy all day. My sadness usually appears later in the day. The only time I wake up sad is when I get anxiety fueled sleep. I.E I get stressed out the night before
Wish I could be like you. If you are usually very happy, that makes me wonder why are you on this website then? I don't have a problem with it, I just find it odd.
I don't know. This is new for me too. I've been alone for almost my whole life and I was always complaining about it until a couple years ago that I found friends and started to be loved. For me they were my only good thing in life and now I can't stand anyone. I spend the day listening to music, cooking or playing videogames until someone comes and make me remember how awful is my life.

Yesterday a friend called me because he was worried. We used to talk daily and now I barely connect to play so I told him how bad I feel and how sad I am and his great idea to cheer me up was tell me that I'm feeling like that since some things that happened last month. I didn't think about these things until he mentioned them so I spent the rest of the day crying for them, like I haven't enough with my current problems. And if isn't him then is someone else carrying some weird bad feelings to me so I ended up enjoying loneliness because at least alone I don't have to deal with anything else than my depression.

I don't really like it and I'm bothered by the fact that now I have literally nothing in my life to be happy for. In the other hand this is pushing me to CTB without worrying anyone and my guilt trip of hurting them is gone so I'm starting to feeling free to CTB at the end of this month. Thinking about it gaves me some calm and makes me feel kinda good.
I think I kind of understand what you mean. It doesn't sound like loneliness is giving you peace as loneliness is a feeling, but rather that people are bothering you and being alone gives you peace from others and from your thoughts.
 
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Bagger

Bagger

Stressful
Jun 18, 2019
331
I feel extreme sadness and futility everyday when i wake up. I often beat myself up with thoughts about what i said or did yesterday. I just fucking regret everything, but as day progress i do same shit over and over. Then i woke up next morning. Cycle repeats.
 
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S

Sebuet

Member
Jul 9, 2021
88
Can't stand the dreams I have, can't stand being awake either.

Ctb only realistic option to make this stop once and for all
 
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T

Trojan

Member
Apr 28, 2021
78
I am at my most suicidal the moment i wake up.
 
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motel rooms

motel rooms

Survivor of incest. Gay. Please don't PM me.
Apr 13, 2021
7,081
Wish I could be like you. If you are usually very happy, that makes me wonder why are you on this website then? I don't have a problem with it, I just find it odd.

He's on here to occasionally tell suicidal people that he's actually very happy & not suicidal at all, & to randomly lash out at those of us who aren't vegan. I kid you not. He tried to pick a fight with me today, but I ignored him.
 
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Makko

Makko

Iä!
Jan 17, 2021
2,430
Getting out of bed takes 90 % of my daily willpower reserve. I have to live the rest of the day on the remaining 10 %
 
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Gaybonez

Gaybonez

vegan jesus
Nov 30, 2020
208
Wish I could be like you. If you are usually very happy, that makes me wonder why are you on this website then? I don't have a problem with it, I just find it odd.

I think I kind of understand what you mean. It doesn't sound like loneliness is giving you peace as loneliness is a feeling, but rather that people are bothering you and being alone gives you peace from others and from your thoughts.
I occasionally feel a bit outcasted by others, so being on here is comforting considering there are a lot of people who can relate to the feeling. My feelings can't be solved through social skills or making friends though, it's a bit of a unique situation. I usually come online when the feeling is overbearing. Lately, I've been trying to figure out a better way to manage it. Additionally, I like being reminded of where I have come from and how to help improve the world a bit more
Getting out of bed takes 90 % of my daily willpower reserve. I have to live the rest of the day on the remaining 10 %
I can't imagine. I mean it very respectfully, but I have seen you on here for a while now. What keeps you alive at this point?
 
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I

IWantToSleep

Experienced
Dec 27, 2020
227
I wake up and try to prepare myself for the rollercoaster of anxiety that's coming.
 
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Gaybonez

Gaybonez

vegan jesus
Nov 30, 2020
208
He's on here to occasionally tell suicidal people that he's actually very happy & not suicidal at all, & to randomly lash out at those of us who aren't vegan. I kid you not. He tried to pick a fight with me today, but I ignored him.
I cannot believe you keep following me to every thread I go. If you would pay attention I have stated before that I used to be suicidal years ago, but about 150 hours of therapy, 2 medications, and some soul searching has allowed me to hop out of bed each day thankful for my legs, my hands, my organs, a place to live, etc. I'm not rubbing things in. I'm here to support people with their decisions to CTB, guide others to resources, have others to talk to, and criticize if I view necessary. You are so mad lol.
 
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Gaybonez

Gaybonez

vegan jesus
Nov 30, 2020
208
No, hold on. "I mean it very respectfully" is what you say before you insult someone. Finish your thought.
There's nothing to finish. If I put it any blunter there could be an implication that I am encouraging suicide which is the last thing I want to happen. That's messed up. If you don't want to answer, that's fine. I was avoiding saying the sentence "Why haven't you killed yourself yet?" because that sounds a bit heartless
 
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noxin

noxin

Member
Jun 26, 2021
42
I'm probably at my worst when I wake up. A few weeks ago, I would literally wake up and start internally screaming because I hadn't somehow died in my sleep. Just knowing I had to get through the day was painful.
 
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Makko

Makko

Iä!
Jan 17, 2021
2,430
There's nothing to finish. If I put it any blunter there could be an implication that I am encouraging suicide which is the last thing I want to happen. That's messed up. If you don't want to answer, that's fine. I was avoiding saying the sentence "Why haven't you killed yourself yet?" because that sounds a bit heartless
Let me guess... you're a tenant?
 
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motel rooms

motel rooms

Survivor of incest. Gay. Please don't PM me.
Apr 13, 2021
7,081
I cannot believe you keep following me to every thread I go. If you would pay attention I have stated before that I used to be suicidal years ago

Why would I be aware of what you said before I joined the forum? I'm not a stalker interested in reading your old posts or following you from thread to thread.

and criticize if I view necessary. You are so mad lol.
Yeah, I'm the one attacking random suicidal people for eating animal products like a psycho -

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/i-hate-those-happy-people.67508/#post-1252357
 
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