Just as the fucking title says. I saw someone else today, who is the same way I am, and now my entire day is fucking ruined. Every single time I see these parasites I just want to take a knife and cut my throat out. My ideal way of going out is to take a shotgun and blow my brains across the ceiling. I want everyone to understand the full brunt of my hatred I have for everything, that makes me myself. I want everyone to lay eyes on my gored out corpse and comprehend the hatred one can feel against themself.
The worst part is everyone wants me to do it too, I fucking know it. I remember going on other sites, asking about their opinions, and getting everything back short of being told to CTB myself. "We don't want you here.", "I hate everyone like you.", "You're a disgusting human being", but the second I tell them how much I wanna hurt myself they suddenly pretend to always have cared for me. It's the same fucking shit people always used to do to me in school. I would get bullied, then when I told them to stop they'd pretend they never bullied me in the first place. People would tell me they were my friend, just so they could let loose any string of insults towards me. And when I told them to stop, they'd pretend I was the crazy one. I'm done with all of humanity. I fantasize about these pieces of shit dying sometimes. I know I won't do it and I'm too much of a fucking coward anyway, but it would make me feel so much better if everyone like me died. All I can do is just self-harm myself as much as possible and force myself to feel even more miserable than before. I just want to take out my entire anger onto myself. Living in some shithole, where I can't buy a shotgun, I barely have any good ways to gore myself before dying. I'm too much of a coward to use cutting, so I can only hit myself. And I'm too much of a coward to cut my wrists or self-immolate or something entirely too.
The worst part is knowing people are right. Knowing I'm a worthless, disgusting subhuman parasite on all of humanity. Knowing that everybody wants me gone and it's selfish of me to even want to live. But apparently it's selfish of me to want to die too, but I know in their heads they know I should do it. I know everything they say about me is correct. And even if it wasn't correct, then denying it is miserable and futile. It's better to just fit in, but I will never be able to do it. Everything bad people say I know is 100% correct. Every stereotype people latch onto me is 100% correct. Every hateful thing people tell me or think of me I completely deserve. I deserve to be hated. In an ideal world, people would force me to come out and I would be led to the gallows. Better yet, in an ideal world I would be led to some torture chamber and tortured to death for what I am. Because I fucking deserve all of it. If every horrible thing people tell me is automatically true, then every horrible punishment people want of me is also automatically deserved. Yet they won't allow me to finally go through all of it. I fucking hate this hypocritical society. I just hope after I CTB, I will land in hell for eternity, so I suffer for what I am.
The worst part is everyone wants me to do it too, I fucking know it. I remember going on other sites, asking about their opinions, and getting everything back short of being told to CTB myself. "We don't want you here.", "I hate everyone like you.", "You're a disgusting human being", but the second I tell them how much I wanna hurt myself they suddenly pretend to always have cared for me. It's the same fucking shit people always used to do to me in school. I would get bullied, then when I told them to stop they'd pretend they never bullied me in the first place. People would tell me they were my friend, just so they could let loose any string of insults towards me. And when I told them to stop, they'd pretend I was the crazy one. I'm done with all of humanity. I fantasize about these pieces of shit dying sometimes. I know I won't do it and I'm too much of a fucking coward anyway, but it would make me feel so much better if everyone like me died. All I can do is just self-harm myself as much as possible and force myself to feel even more miserable than before. I just want to take out my entire anger onto myself. Living in some shithole, where I can't buy a shotgun, I barely have any good ways to gore myself before dying. I'm too much of a coward to use cutting, so I can only hit myself. And I'm too much of a coward to cut my wrists or self-immolate or something entirely too.
The worst part is knowing people are right. Knowing I'm a worthless, disgusting subhuman parasite on all of humanity. Knowing that everybody wants me gone and it's selfish of me to even want to live. But apparently it's selfish of me to want to die too, but I know in their heads they know I should do it. I know everything they say about me is correct. And even if it wasn't correct, then denying it is miserable and futile. It's better to just fit in, but I will never be able to do it. Everything bad people say I know is 100% correct. Every stereotype people latch onto me is 100% correct. Every hateful thing people tell me or think of me I completely deserve. I deserve to be hated. In an ideal world, people would force me to come out and I would be led to the gallows. Better yet, in an ideal world I would be led to some torture chamber and tortured to death for what I am. Because I fucking deserve all of it. If every horrible thing people tell me is automatically true, then every horrible punishment people want of me is also automatically deserved. Yet they won't allow me to finally go through all of it. I fucking hate this hypocritical society. I just hope after I CTB, I will land in hell for eternity, so I suffer for what I am.
