Have you thought about 12step recovery thinking? I know loads of people in recovery that suffer with this, they use 12step to deal with it...
Even joining a group (with friends that equally suffer and sponsors to talk to so it won't be difficult.t after the 1st few times) may help. Its drugfree and relatively cheap (transport).
Talk it out makes it smaller and maybe manageable.
Addicts returning to society r mindfuckingly fragile :: you don't even have to disclose substances, just experiences... they will relate //or a therapist that works to this program.
Assessing the real, just for today (stops obsessive pretending/ destructive post analysis) knowing whats yours vs theirs, seeing things from opposing parties perception, handing stuff over, forgiving yrself, moving forward...
Good luck, you ain't alone
I've heard lexamil /cipramil may help with panic attacks /anger management :: keeps my sister from being a homicidal maniac! Our murky gene pool... Mind you with my addictions & si id also wanna kill me, wait - that's why I'm here. Duh.