Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
I know you are having a tough time. Wanted to send a little love.
Freedom Believer
Forever alone.
- Dec 23, 2019
- 351
Naysha
Antinatalist+Goth
- Jan 13, 2020
- 48
I am 25 but I totally relate to you, managed to waste my early 20s and even earlier, never had regular teenagehood and in that time period I also decided for ctb.
Shero
Experienced
- Dec 19, 2019
- 274
Im 25 years old. I was broken since i was a kid.
I can give a little insight into what i had written to another person in privat.
I have been chronically physically/mentally ill for so long, that I no longer know what my diseased and what my healthy side is.
I have had an identity crisis for a long time, which is aggravating my torments, and masochistically I think I deserve it. I like suffering because punishment is what i know, and what makes me comfortable. I live and act on constant paradoxes regarding myself and others. I know objectively that hatred constatly fixated on myself is unjustified, yet I prefer to hurt myself rather than others who deserve it. There was a time when I felt good when I harmed the people around me, which only increased my self-hatred. I will break the vicious circle and not fight hate with more hate. I would rather destroy myself than those who deserve it.
I think my healthy side decided that it would be better to cbt. That's why I came on this forum, to educate myself. Maybe as positive side effect while im here, im able to give people something to be remembered off.
TLDR: I was broken from the beginning, external factors intensified my problems, but were never the cause of all to begin with.
I can give a little insight into what i had written to another person in privat.
I have been chronically physically/mentally ill for so long, that I no longer know what my diseased and what my healthy side is.
I have had an identity crisis for a long time, which is aggravating my torments, and masochistically I think I deserve it. I like suffering because punishment is what i know, and what makes me comfortable. I live and act on constant paradoxes regarding myself and others. I know objectively that hatred constatly fixated on myself is unjustified, yet I prefer to hurt myself rather than others who deserve it. There was a time when I felt good when I harmed the people around me, which only increased my self-hatred. I will break the vicious circle and not fight hate with more hate. I would rather destroy myself than those who deserve it.
I think my healthy side decided that it would be better to cbt. That's why I came on this forum, to educate myself. Maybe as positive side effect while im here, im able to give people something to be remembered off.
TLDR: I was broken from the beginning, external factors intensified my problems, but were never the cause of all to begin with.
Never spent a day of my 20s without crippling incurable disease known as chronic fatigue syndrome/myalgic Encephalomyelitis.
thought I'd join the 27 club but my anatomy is making it hard for me to go by asphyxiation. Prepping for exit bag now - won't ever see 29, that's for sure.
thought I'd join the 27 club but my anatomy is making it hard for me to go by asphyxiation. Prepping for exit bag now - won't ever see 29, that's for sure.
contemplatingjaahil
Done.
- Nov 25, 2019
- 72
waterbottleman
Not a person
- Sep 30, 2019
- 721
I'm 29
I'm lonely as fuck and have clinical depression among other mental health problems (autism, social anxiety, Avoidance personality disorder, etc).
Nothing in life gives me pleasure anymore, I used to have a good paying middle class job but I absolutely hated how much of a boring routine life is when you have a 9-5 job that you aren't passionate about. Then you have to deal with traffic and all that bullshit, just feels like you're living life as a robot/zombie. Same thing, every day.
People don't like me, women have never been attracted to me. I regret missing out on young love.
I don't see the point of living anymore even though many people have it worse than I do.
I have nothing to look forward to. As I get older I'll just get lonelier and lonelier. Why work a 9-5 job and be a productive member of society if you hate your life anyways and have nothing to look forward to?
Modern life sucks, I don't think humans are meant to live the way in which modern humans do. We're meant to live in tribes were we all have close friends and we have a role in our tribe that actually gives us purpose. With most jobs today you don't even understand what the company your working for is doing, you just feel like a cog in the machine.
Adult life sucks, it's so boring and hollow especially when you have no one to share your life with. If I had a partner at least I could take her out shopping, take her out to dinner, etc and focus on making her happy which in turn would make me happy cause I'd actually feel like my life has a purpose. But that is t going to happen for me.
I'm lonely as fuck and have clinical depression among other mental health problems (autism, social anxiety, Avoidance personality disorder, etc).
Nothing in life gives me pleasure anymore, I used to have a good paying middle class job but I absolutely hated how much of a boring routine life is when you have a 9-5 job that you aren't passionate about. Then you have to deal with traffic and all that bullshit, just feels like you're living life as a robot/zombie. Same thing, every day.
People don't like me, women have never been attracted to me. I regret missing out on young love.
I don't see the point of living anymore even though many people have it worse than I do.
I have nothing to look forward to. As I get older I'll just get lonelier and lonelier. Why work a 9-5 job and be a productive member of society if you hate your life anyways and have nothing to look forward to?
Modern life sucks, I don't think humans are meant to live the way in which modern humans do. We're meant to live in tribes were we all have close friends and we have a role in our tribe that actually gives us purpose. With most jobs today you don't even understand what the company your working for is doing, you just feel like a cog in the machine.
Adult life sucks, it's so boring and hollow especially when you have no one to share your life with. If I had a partner at least I could take her out shopping, take her out to dinner, etc and focus on making her happy which in turn would make me happy cause I'd actually feel like my life has a purpose. But that is t going to happen for me.
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Late 20s here - is that even considered young? Most friends late 20s to 34. I guess we the older young people or something like that. we are depressed as hell. Please don't grow up guys iTs horrible
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waterbottleman
Not a person
- Sep 30, 2019
- 721
Agreed, being an adult sucks.
I miss being 19 and 20.
I miss when I was new in college and everything was interesting and had my whole life ahead of me. I miss feeling like I was growing as a person all the time.
After you leave college and go to work you quickly realize how mundane and boring the life of a 9-5 working adult is.
we are all hardcore struggling with being a real adult for the first time. It's beyond depressing, boring,pointless, disappointing and terrifying(mixed in with other problems of course). It felt like yesterday we just started college. It's kinda bizarre and scary at a blink of an eye we are all around 30 give or take some years. Im just tired already. The thing is I'm not even upset anymore, I have accepted it.
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I wish I knew you. I could have wrote this myself.
enjoy
Creature
- Dec 20, 2019
- 337
i'm 18 and i'll be ctb very soon. it didn't even take me two decades to realize life is shit... just one.
it saddens me that i will never get to experience my 20s, which most people consider the best decade of one's life. i'll never graduate from college, have my own apartment, drink legally, get married and so much more. i'm tired, though. i don't want to do this anymore. it's almost my time. i feel it coming.
it saddens me that i will never get to experience my 20s, which most people consider the best decade of one's life. i'll never graduate from college, have my own apartment, drink legally, get married and so much more. i'm tired, though. i don't want to do this anymore. it's almost my time. i feel it coming.
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I'm 28 and honestly surprised I've made it this far. I attempted 3 times in my early 20s, but they were stupid attempts before I did research. Now I'm planning on killing myself within the next week or two. I certainly won't make it to 30. But I can't suffer any more. Life has not been easy for me, as I'm sure it hasn't been for you. 28 years too long.
TheEndof
It's getting dark and it's getting cold
- Dec 31, 2019
- 146
I'm 24. I feel like I have wasted my life away and will continue to based on the path I'm currently on. I've wanted to ctb since I was a child even and am honestly surprised I've made it this far. I can't see myself living another 5-10 years. Hell, I can't see myself making it to 25.
TheEndof
It's getting dark and it's getting cold
- Dec 31, 2019
- 146
I've experienced those things and can tell you that they are overrated. In fact, I've managed to fuck up or get worse because of doing/experiencing those things. I'm sure it's a better time for most normal functioning people, but as someone who has had mental illness since I was a very young child, I believe I was doomed. To make matters worse, I did those things thinking that I'd get better because that's what everyone convinced me would happen. When I didn't, I felt only worse.
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