Any other Canadians miserable this Thanksgiving?

[crowbait]

Thanksgiving is one of my trauma anniversaries- 10 years since my first encounter with gun violence! I've spent it entirely in my room, the floor of which isn't visible due to my hoarding and untidiness. Been listening to my roommate and his mother and their family friends have a really nice intricate dinner while my lactose intolerant ass eats chocolate biscuits, self-harms, and drinks whiskey in my bed next to the massive pile of clothing and boxes that sleep on it with me. I can smell their food from in here, but I'm too lazy to light incense to drown it out. My family was always too poor and lazy for holiday dinners. I was going to clean my room tonight because I hate, hate having it like this knowing I can't CTB until it looks presentable (I also cannot function in messiness), but I feel paralyzed knowing there's all the people out there in my dining room. Our house is small. They can probably hear me moving in bed, and my bottle clinking. I wish, more than anything, that I wasn't so alone tonight. Every Thanksgiving i isolate myself out of a stupid sense of self-preservation. I always think it will soothe my PTSD. And once again, it just leaves me with more room to think and enough privacy to hurt myself, and make plans for leaving.

So, what about the rest of you? This day causes pain for me due to the trauma anniversary, but also in general it being about ~togetherness~ and Good Feelings makes me miserable. Anybody else having a rough time and need to vent or chat a bit about it?

 

[Life_and_Death]

also in general it being about ~togetherness~ and Good Feelings makes me miserable. Anybody else having a rough time and need to vent or chat a bit about it?

yeah, my friends are spending time together, my SO was with his family (and didnt even want to be). im stuck in my abusive situation (which im fairly confident cant be denied when one has nightmares about it) crying and lost.
my little brother messaged "hows your thanksgiving" just f'en wonderful, who doesnt think about how shitty their situation is and want to kill themselves on a day we're suppose to be "thankful"
yeah im "thankful" i can walk, but im in pain 24/7 and could become paralyzed due to this pain if it gets worse.
yeah im "thankful" i can breath, but i cant. ive tried matching my breathing to normal humans and it leaves me gasping for breath. i physically cant breath in enough air, my nose has a problem so i have to breath through my mouth.

the 2 most basic things just about anyone can be "thankful" for and i dont even have that.
yeah, im just fucking thankful.
why couldnt i not wake up......

 

[Rounded Agony]

Heya. Sounds like a rough day, sadly. Feel free to not indulge me but I am curious about your (first?) experience of gun violence given their relative scarcity here.

I had a weird weekend. Yesterday I was hosted by a fairly new and hopefully good friend for T-giving dinner, which was very kind bIt there was a bit too much social energy from his partner's guests and after over an hour of mostly listening to other people talk about stuff I had no involvement in, I felt drained and sad and wanted to leave. Today a housemate hosted his family for the meal and the smell of turkey wafting upstairs smelled precisely how my grandparents' place would when we visited for this or the Christmas holiday. It evoked a very visceral memory of when I was young and my world had not gone to shit. It remains difficult recalling those times, knowing it is irretrievably in the past. Later on I met one of my parents for dinner which I did not want to do but don't know how to just ignore them. It wasn't as awful as other times, but the meal has left me feeling queasy till now. Just can't win.

 

[Looking4Answers]

Spent the majority of the day alone just my dog and I. Sister and mom reached out...but still lonely AF

 

[Littlewittlelight]

yeah, my friends are spending time together, my SO was with his family (and didnt even want to be). im stuck in my abusive situation (which im fairly confident cant be denied when one has nightmares about it) crying and lost.
my little brother messaged "hows your thanksgiving" just f'en wonderful, who doesnt think about how shitty their situation is and want to kill themselves on a day we're suppose to be "thankful"
yeah im "thankful" i can walk, but im in pain 24/7 and could become paralyzed due to this pain if it gets worse.
yeah im "thankful" i can breath, but i cant. ive tried matching my breathing to normal humans and it leaves me gasping for breath. i physically cant breath in enough air, my nose has a problem so i have to breath through my mouth.

the 2 most basic things just about anyone can be "thankful" for and i dont even have that.
yeah, im just fucking thankful.
why couldnt i not wake up......

Yeah I gotta breath faster my BMR is high I know everything is high and I am so thankful too just like you because I don't have offline friends and the online friends which I met which are now gone always just said be grateful, be grateful so I am so grateful and I am waiting for them to hit the limit and be grateful too. Some of their lives are fucked up too but atleast they can breath properly and have energy just like you said so let's two be grateful together because the world wants us to be without knowing what's going on.
Let's be grateful the fuck

 

[tiny_dancer]

I had a big family dinner (no way to avoid it) which made me so sad, watching everyone being normal and happy, knowing it was my last one with them. It also made me hyper-aware of how I used to be happy and free too, until my life and health were ruined, no getting it back. Just a huge reminder of what I've lost and why I need to CTB.