Any advice would help me please

[deepocean]

I have ptsd, I'm in a dental field which I don't have any interest in tbh I don't have any interest in anything so this is just a decision choosen by someone else for me and only way present for to be financially independent.

Thing is I got I have not recovered, also I don't think I'll be able to for a long time.
Idk is it stupid or not for new to find a partner like boyfriend or girlfriend cause I'm not normal,
Also being queer is strange here tbh it's kind of like a disease at least that's what they all think here even at institute I study. I got no connection to queer community cause there none in the place I live.

Should I try to search for an emotional support or not?
Should I tell my parents I'm bi?
Should I try to open up on socials?

I'm afraid of things turning dark if I did ctb just because of losing control.
Idk but after researching a lot it says I have DID too.
Things are really messed up. People leave, and it's impacting me in worst ways now.
And I'm really not great for a while now.seems like I'm just dragging myself to just survive one day at a time, pretending and all.

And seeing others live their lives, it makes me question myself, am I even living at all?? Will this all stay the same ? , am I going to be like this forever?

It took me a lot of effort to write on SS again maybe I'm really getting worse idk what's happening.


So just wanted to ask you all if you're reading this, should I try to become like others around me, posting socials and increases my connections, or will doing so only make my condition worse ? And should I seek for a partner that might help me and give a reason to try more and become better ?????

 

[getoutgirl]

Hi
I'm sorry you are going through all that :(
that does sound more like survival if you have little to hold on to, and the pretending gets tiring yeah...
I don't know you or your circumstances, so any advice i can offer is mostly just general blabber.
However,

I don't think there is any guarantee that you are going to feel like that forever. there simply isn't, even when it feels like it.
You seem to be suffering from pretty awful things, ptsd, maybe did, definetly depression. I don't know if you are getting those treated in any way currently... that i can definetly recommend if posible
I would also recommend u try and find some emotional support yes. You cand find a lot of that here specially in the recovery section, but also elsewhere, and if u are able irl that's better

about being queer tho, yes it can be incredibly alienating. it is not a disease. Just prejudice and ignorance from others in the end. That is the actual disease that can even get inside your head, try not to let it in. A community helps a ton there.
Sorry your environment isn't great in that regard. I tell you though, there is Always a queer community, everywhere. Don't know where you live, but I'd bet on it. Try to search around. u'll find like minded people, if a bit underground.
I also don't know if it's a good idea to come out to your parents, as i can't know if they are supportive so... that's a you decision based on what you know, what you think you could gain from it... put your safety above all though, have that clear.

as for socials. i don't think the solution is to try to be like the others and post more on socials... i've tried that, if its forzed, why even. increasing connections is good, finding good people, support and community, that helps. do that if you can, at your own pace. but i wouldn't focus it that way of just being like others, if u ask me, it is not that way.
I can't advice much on having a partner while dealing with mental illness cos each time i've done so i've fucked up spectacularly precisely due to that lol. It is a thing to consider, it is complex, and each person deals with it differently. Also true they can give u reasons to better yourself and get out of the muck, if you think that could be the case, hey maybe open to it, but also don't think of it exclusively as "this is how i'll fix everything, i just need find somebody" cos that dependency and posible frustration can break you. dont ask me how i know.
so, should you? shoud you not? you should do what you think is best for you, seek advice if needed, think all that through, and be open to the fact you can make mistakes and thats ok, even if it sucks, stagnation definetly doesn't help at all....

so yeah just some random advice from someone who maybe shouldn't be giving it but...
i would like to give u a huge hug that i know i can give.
you are asking these things and that's a good sign that you want to get out this state and into a better one, even if it is incredibly hard an exhausting, i do wish you the best <3