Help Anxiety surrounding sex

[Saponification]

Not CTB related but this contributes to my depression. Plus I've no fucking clue where to post this without being judged.

I have a lot of anxiety surrounding sex and women in general. I inherently see sex as an act of the man dominating a woman, of marking territory, etc. And I don't like the fact that I inevitably see it that way, I think it's simply incorrect, but I can't help it. Thus, sex kind of disgusts me not because of the act but because of the meaning I attribute to it. It's also the thought that if and when a possible relationship with a woman would end, I couldn't bear the thought of her having sex with another man due to said belief. I'd see that as another man taking away something I own and directly attacking my masculinity in the process. If it wasn't obvious already, I'm a virgin and I have a fragile ego.

Would hiring an escort help with normalizing sex in my head in order to remove this nonsensical belief and make it possible for me to be intimate with women without being extremely anxious all the time? Would it make it worse?

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

i don't believe hiring am escort would fix this. In fact, it might even reinforce it.

This issue doesn't seem to be necessarily lack of experience, but the meaning you attach to sex, since you frame it as dominance, ownership, and inherently tied to your masculinity. If you go into a paid arrangement with that mindset, it very easily could confirm that mindset since the situation is transactional.

Sex is more mutual, voluntary and based upon a connection, not control, an the idea that a partner being with someone else is "taking something from you" seems more rooted in insecurity rather than reality (not to say it isn't real to you though).

Being aware of your mindset here is good. It means it's not a permanent mindset and you can work through it. I suggest if you ever do want to work through it, if you find a partner, take things slowly, don't jump straight into sex. Try to be comfortable around women, dating, and being physically close in general, I think that could help you without putting the pressure on sex itself.

Genuinely hope this helps in some sort of way

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Um, well… maybe if you can try to mentally reframe it you could start to see it differently. There are (hetero) couples out there with active sex lives that don't include intercourse at all (granted, not many, but they exist). I'd try to dissect it & examine how much of your view of it has to do with piv penetrative sex or just all of it. If sex meant hours of doing everything except piv, would you still see it as the man dominating the woman? What if the woman is on top, still an act of male domination? Sex can include or exclude whatever activities you & your partner want, there aren't any rules (aside from consent ofc).
I do think it would be beneficial to get therapy to figure this out, with someone who specializes in sexual issues if possible. In addition, it may be worth it to work through this with a professional sex surrogate, which is something in between a sex therapist and an escort. An actual escort… that could go either way, you could end up having a positive experience, or like you said, it might make the whole thing seem way worse, it might feel very exploitative. Unless, perhaps, she's a dominatrix, that might help give you a different perspective, idk. Best of luck.

 

[knowledgeseeking]

I prostitute will of course do it behave you want them and allow to "kick the tires" per se. if this is your first time, I suppose that would be a way to get your feet wet, but isn't going to change your perspective.

What would be best is for you to find a partner that you have open and honest communication with. Someone you can openly discuss your concerns around sex and will work through them with you.

I would recommend you find a sex coach/therapist to help you sort through your misconceptions around sex.

 

[violetforever]

im a woman and i basically have the same mindset. it makes me want nothing to do with it out of discomfort. well i cant even imagine dating anyone first of all :p

 

[The Disqualified]

I fear sex as it sounds so intimate and vulnerable, and I fear intimacy and vulnerability so much. I can't imagine opening my heart to a woman (or anyone else for that matter) as pathetic as that may sound.
The idea of being "the man" in a relationship seems disgusting for me if you get what I mean. I don't want anything to do with that. I just wish I didn't hate myself so much.