Venting Anxiety Attack

[annxietty]

Im going to say something that its really hard for me to say, but I cant deny anymore, I never wanted to die, I in fact want to live... death to me is not something desirable like it is for some people here, I want to clarify that I respect everyone's opinions, thoughts, etc. My own opinion is that death is fucking scary but many times is less scary than living, I dont want to die, I wish I could live a better life but anxiety is a bitch...

Today on my way to work I had an anxiety attack, a new symptom that was hiding all this time decided to finally show up in its full glory, so on top of feeling like throwing up and shitting myself, I almost pissed myself, yayyy... When I arrived at my job (I was late, but only for a few minutes) I went to the toilet and couldnt do anything, I thought I had pissed myself, I was sure but nothing...

My sister always tells me that everyone has anxiety, that I have an issue that makes me feel anxiety and sadness way too much, I tried to explain to her that while people feel "waves" of anxiety I feel a fucking "tsunami", and she tells me to not think about things that make me anxious... look I know she wants to help me, is not easy helping people like us, I really appreciate her and Im grateful because sadly not everyone has support in their lives, Im lucky... I just wish she understood better all this, Im selfish I know.. she says "you did great even tho you felt anxious, you are capable of anything" and I told her "imagine someone beats you up, you survive and you are capable of doing everything you had to do that day, its hard because you are still hurt, but you do it, you come back home and realize that tomorrow will be the same, that you will suffer the same thing, and everyday of your life will be like that... thats anxiety to me" she looked dissappointed and said "I thought you were over all that, you wont suffer like that everyday you know?" I immediately regretted everything I said, I remembered her hugging me crying saying she was scared I would kill myself...

I showed her my self harm scars a week ago, she was dissappointed I did it again, it was months ago but it was deep and the scars are fully visible still, I go to work showing them, tried to hide them but couldnt find a solution fast enough so, yeah... Im the introverted girl with obvious self harm scars in my workplace, thats smiles and says thank you and Im sorry to everything, that you could punch in the face and she wouldnt have the guts to punch you back... Im that girl.

Thank you for reading me venting. I want to make sure everyone understands that when I read someone saying they want to die because they desire death (or something in those lines) I dont judge them, I dont judge anyone here, this is not the place for that, we have outside to judge us non stop 24/7.

 

[SMmetalhead36]

That's great you have support.

 

[LaughingGoat]

It's good you have awareness of how you truly feel. Fully understanding what chronic and severe anxiety feels like just isn't something people without it can do often, but I've had the most success in helping people reach empathy by them sharing a major situation where they felt extreme distress and having them imagine they felt like that constantly. I think that even the word anxiety invokes such soft language that it brings to mind such minor symptoms to the average person. Panic attacks are rough, used to get them at work a lot; have you tried anything for them yet?

 

[annxietty]

It's good you have awareness of how you truly feel. Fully understanding what chronic and severe anxiety feels like just isn't something people without it can do often, but I've had the most success in helping people reach empathy by them sharing a major situation where they felt extreme distress and having them imagine they felt like that constantly. I think that even the word anxiety invokes such soft language that it brings to mind such minor symptoms to the average person. Panic attacks are rough, used to get them at work a lot; have you tried anything for them yet?

Fortunately at work I still havent felt that anxiety that makes me go into panic mode, it happens before work... Meds help, but I think I need to change them, I still dont know, Im facing challenges that would make even the most secure person feel anxiety so I know its normal its difficult for me, but I almost broke yesterday, and the other day I felt the beginning of a panic attack so... maybe I will look into the meds with my psychiatrist, my family hate medication but its my body not theirs so... I personally find helpful to have a psychologist to help me, I know many people dont feel that therapy works but to me it did in the past, its very expensive tho but since now Im working thats definetly something Im going to look into... What did you do to face those panic attacks at work? Im curious. Also thanks for the reply.

 

[iloverachel]

I am sorry you are going through anxiety
I have it as well and it's absolutely terrifying and dreadful beyond comprehension
I hope you find relief from the panic attacks somehow

 

[3/4Dead]

Fully understanding what chronic and severe anxiety feels like just isn't something people without it can do often, but I've had the most success in helping people reach empathy by them sharing a major situation where they felt extreme distress and having them imagine they felt like that constantly.

Truer words have hardly been spoken. Heard a joke once where they said anxiety is like you have a job interview in five minutes, every five minutes, and you're not wearing pants, and you left the oven on, indefinetly. When I told my mother that it clicked for a few minutes. I think a lot of people struggle to comprehend the idea that someone can feel like that all the time and still be semi functional.
Anxiety sucks.

 

[Ash]

On a similar vein of trying to explain it to people, one of my early warning signs of an anxiety and depression cycle (rather than just a one off, justified or triggered event) is hyper-vigilance and I use the analogy of a smoke alarm going off in a public building. It's probably nothing but have to follow procedures and check each and every time it goes off. You don't start ignoring the alarm: you check the systems and install updated sensors and redo your training etc - but you never ignore the alarm or take shortcuts with the procedures.

 

[LaughingGoat]

Fortunately at work I still havent felt that anxiety that makes me go into panic mode, it happens before work... Meds help, but I think I need to change them, I still dont know, Im facing challenges that would make even the most secure person feel anxiety so I know its normal its difficult for me, but I almost broke yesterday, and the other day I felt the beginning of a panic attack so... maybe I will look into the meds with my psychiatrist, my family hate medication but its my body not theirs so... I personally find helpful to have a psychologist to help me, I know many people dont feel that therapy works but to me it did in the past, its very expensive tho but since now Im working thats definetly something Im going to look into... What did you do to face those panic attacks at work? Im curious. Also thanks for the reply.

Yep I actually meant the same, where the panic attacks hit when I was on the the way or right outside work. For me it was a combination of using breathing techniques and adjusting medication. If it's a new symptom and more indicative of the difficult challenges you're dealing with currently, it may be discussing with your psychiatrist adding a medication that isn't taken daily, just when needed.

 

[G50]

@annxietty: I don't know if you are interested in trying some supplements for treating your anxiety, but if you are, please consider N-acetyl glucosamine (NAG). Many people have reported NAG is incredibly effective. And it is a very safe supplement with no side effects.

 

[Raindancer]

Just wanted to agree. No one knows what that is like unless they have experienced it. I have had episodes but my mother had chronic severe anxiety disorder. It would take her 3 hours to get ready in the morning just to put on make up hair and clothes. She had to listen to certain music, chain smoke and I cannot even imagine the self talk she had to do in order to function. Every single day. I am sorry you struggle with anxiety and hope you can find a combo of something that works. I tend to us breathing and prayer or repeating verses, but that can take a lot of time. I haven't found anything that works quickly.

@annxietty: I don't know if you are interested in trying some supplements for treating your anxiety, but if you are, please consider N-acetyl glucosamine (NAG). Many people have reported NAG is incredibly effective. And it is a very safe supplement with no side effects.

Is this something you take daily and it accumulates or do you take it if you are having an attack? If only when having an attack, does it work quickly?

 

[Lost Magic]

I am sorry you are going through all this. Have you tried speaking to your doctor about your anxiety? There are medications out there like propranolol that help with situational anxiety by lowering heart rate and reducing sweating and shaking. There is also a good recovery section on this website that may help you find a way forward. I have said many times on this forum, if you can find a way to find peace with yourself and go on, then go for it. Hari-kiri is always there in the future for people if they have exhausted all possibilites. Best of luck to you and your sister moving forward. Take care!

 

[G50]

Is this something you take daily and it accumulates or do you take it if you are having an attack? If only when having an attack, does it work quickly?

If you take around 1000 to 2000 mg of NAG, it starts to work quickly, within about two hours of taking it. Then the anti-anxiety effects of NAG last most of the day, if not all of the day. But you can take another dose later in the day if needed. NAG is very safe, you can take high doses without any worry. And unlike some anti-anxiety herbs (like valerian, passionflower, lemon balm, ashwagandha, etc) which stop working after several days regular use due to a tolerance build up, there is not tolerance build up with NAG. Plus NAG has a much more powerful anti-anxiety effect than these herbs, which are weak in comparison.

If you experience generalised anxiety disorder every day, then you might want to take NAG daily. If you only have anxiety on certain days, then you can take NAG as and when you need it.

If you see the thread about NAG that I linked to, in the first post, there is a compilation of reports from many people who tried NAG and found it almost miraculous for their anxiety. Though for a few people, it did not seem to work. However, NAG is cheap enough to try to see if it works for you; it costs about $20 on iHerb.com, if you buy the Jarrow brand, or the Swanson brand of N-acetyl D-glucosamine (which is the same thing as N-acetyl glucosamine).

I don't think NAG works for panic attacks though, which are different to generalised anxiety disorder. Panic attacks are short-lived (5 to 20 minute) attacks of anxiety that also involve racing heart, sweating, etc from adrenaline release.



Of course you can also try regular pharmaceutical treatments for anxiety, such as SSRI drugs (eg Lexapro).

Benzodiazepines (like Xanax, Klonopin, Ativan) are also effective, but are subject to major tolerance and addition issues, so doctors don't like to prescribe benzos nowadays.

Benzodiazepines work by activating the GABA receptor system in the brain; but nearly all drugs or supplements which work on GABA are subject to tolerance build up, which can then lead to addition. This is why you can get tolerance and loss of effect with herbal anti-anxiety supplements like valerian, passionflower, lemon balm, ashwagandha, as these work on GABA.

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

I never wanted to die, I in fact want to live

my heart breaks reading this sentence

 

[Raindancer]

If you experience generalised anxiety disorder every day, then you might want to take NAG daily. If you only have anxiety on certain days, then you can take NAG as and when you need it.

Of course you can also try regular pharmaceutical treatments for anxiety, such as SSRI drugs (eg Lexapro).

Benzodiazepines (like Xanax, Klonopin, Ativan) are also effective, but are subject to major tolerance and addition issues, so doctors don't like to prescribe benzos nowadays.

Benzodiazepines work by activating the GABA receptor system in the brain; but nearly all drugs or supplements which work on GABA are subject to tolerance build up, which can then lead to addition. This is why you can get tolerance and loss of effect with herbal anti-anxiety supplements like valerian, passionflower, lemon balm, ashwagandha, as these work on GABA.

Thank you so much for all the info, I will give it a try. Personally I will never take an SSRi, and I do take Xanax to help me sleep, but just the lowest dose. Half of a .25mg. That dose does not help my anxiety, but if I take more I do not like how I feel, a bit too woozy. Plus I really do not want to take anymore increasing my tolerance. So this sounds like an ideal alternative if it works!