Venting Anxiety about cheating

[creirwy]

Hey,
I don't know if it's the right thing to ask about in this forum but I don't really have anyone to talk to about it and I'm having panic attacks over it.
So about a week ago my boyfriends Highschool best friend has broken up with her boyfriend. He was very toxic towards her and well my boyfriend was there for her to talk about it. They've not been having much contact I think at all over the past few years, only meeting up every other month with other friends. Just since they had that conversation my boyfriend is talking about having a really hard time and saying he's unhappy with his life and also that he said he was now unsure about moving in with me (we're in a long distance relationship). He's also been wanting space from me because he's been feeling so low and I've been trying to support him the whole time.

So yeah we've not had much time to talk the past days. Today he randomly texted me he spontaneously is meeting up with the girl to go eat something and I'm just so full of anxiety it's turning into physical pain.
I know I should trust him and I do but I just can't help it and I just need some reassuring words that nothing is happening and everything is going to be okay. I just can't talk about it to him because he's going through so much already.
I'm also having trouble with my family at the moment which is driving me nuts because I can't talk about it and I am just feeling so suicidal.
I feel like I'm going crazy.

 

[sleepyllama81]

tbh if he just started acting like this after his high school best friend is freshly single then it is definitely a cause for concern and you need to re-evaluate your relationship... theres somebody out there that will love you and treat you right

 

[pain6batch9]

I will say, my two cents, if I was going to cheat on my girlfriend, I wouldn't text her and tell her first. Scenario: he could be going there to tell her he needs to break off contact with her. Or, maybe he is there for her as genuine support. You just don't know until you have a conversation with him. So many times I've got the wrong idea and it turned out to be nothing.

Best thing to do, is sit him down and voice your concerns in a rational, calm way. Maybe start with the line: Look, I know you're going through things, but this is how I feel and I need to tell you because...

No point jumping the gun.

 

[creirwy]

tbh if he just started acting like this after his high school best friend is freshly single then it is definitely a cause for concern and you need to re-evaluate your relationship... theres somebody out there that will love you and treat you right

I mean I knew he was not doing very well before as well, but he always talked to me about it when it got bad and I was able to be there for him, now he's just wanting space as well-
I think I might just be connecting things that aren't connected because we've been together for a fairly long time now and I feel like we have a very secure relationship.
Just my bpd is making me act like a crazy person

I will say, my two cents, if I was going to cheat on my girlfriend, I wouldn't text her and tell her first. Scenario: he could be going there to tell her he needs to break off contact with her. Or, maybe he is there for her as genuine support. You just don't know until you have a conversation with him. So many times I've got the wrong idea and it turned out to be nothing.

Best thing to do, is sit him down and voice your concerns in a rational, calm way. Maybe start with the line: Look, I know you're going through things, but this is how I feel and I need to tell you because...

No point jumping the gun.

Thank you, yes I will talk to him as soon as things cool off and I feel in a clearer state of mind as well.
I just get into spirals sometimes and I need some time to calm down and see the situation as it truly is

 

[pain6batch9]

I mean I knew he was not doing very well before as well, but he always talked to me about it when it got bad and I was able to be there for him, now he's just wanting space as well-
I think I might just be connecting things that aren't connected because we've been together for a fairly long time now and I feel like we have a very secure relationship.
Just my bpd is making me act like a crazy person

Thank you, yes I will talk to him as soon as things cool off and I feel in a clearer state of mind as well.
I just get into spirals sometimes and I need some time to calm down and see the situation as it truly is

That's the key there. Just stepping away from the situation for a second or two. Deep breaths. Think about something else if you can. Come back to it later when your mind re-boots.

 

[BoneWeary57]

Sounds like both you and your boyfriend are struggling about the relationship..I will only give this advice - TRUST YOUR GUT FEELING. No matter what he or anyone else says, TRUST YOURSELF above all else.

 

[Glenferd666]

Hey,
I don't know if it's the right thing to ask about in this forum but I don't really have anyone to talk to about it and I'm having panic attacks over it.
So about a week ago my boyfriends Highschool best friend has broken up with her boyfriend. He was very toxic towards her and well my boyfriend was there for her to talk about it. They've not been having much contact I think at all over the past few years, only meeting up every other month with other friends. Just since they had that conversation my boyfriend is talking about having a really hard time and saying he's unhappy with his life and also that he said he was now unsure about moving in with me (we're in a long distance relationship). He's also been wanting space from me because he's been feeling so low and I've been trying to support him the whole time.

So yeah we've not had much time to talk the past days. Today he randomly texted me he spontaneously is meeting up with the girl to go eat something and I'm just so full of anxiety it's turning into physical pain.
I know I should trust him and I do but I just can't help it and I just need some reassuring words that nothing is happening and everything is going to be okay. I just can't talk about it to him because he's going through so much already.
I'm also having trouble with my family at the moment which is driving me nuts because I can't talk about it and I am just feeling so suicidal.
I feel like I'm going crazy.

You should tell him how you're really feeling. Tell him that you don't want him to go to meet her?

 

[XdragonsoulX]

Definitely In the same boat, except I live with my fiancé, and he cheated a month after we got engaged literally on his birthday while we were on vacation with his family i had suspicions for months before bc i could feel things becoming more distant and he was picking up on my depression and found out about my suicidal ideation. In December is when I technically found out through him going through his passwords really fast, but I didn't think much of it bc the site sounded like a app like bumble (adultfriendfinder) but I didn't decide to finally look into it until April when i couldn't take it anymore. He lied to me for months would talk about how cheating was bad. Everything is lowkey platonic on some levels, we don't do stuff been like that for 8 months, our house turned into minimum of being cleaned once a month (we both struggle with severe depression) to hoarders buried alive :( slowly getting it clean. I think things are getting better but I have my suspicions again and it will be one of the reasons I ctb. I have other posts about it :( so you can pm me if you wanna talk about any of it

Tldr: I relate almost exactly like your situation and you can pm me about it if you wanna talk about any of it, because my situation was my fiancé started cheating a month after engagement on his birthday while on vacation with family, found out the next month but didn't look into till April, now things are different between us and I have suspicions again and it's why I will ctb

But it's good to find evidence of it in some way and to talk about it with him and be upfront and brutally honest. If he truly cares he would stop or it may be heartbreak up to yall :(

 

[creirwy]

Definitely In the same boat, except I live with my fiancé, and he cheated a month after we got engaged literally on his birthday while we were on vacation with his family i had suspicions for months before bc i could feel things becoming more distant and he was picking up on my depression and found out about my suicidal ideation. In December is when I technically found out through him going through his passwords really fast, but I didn't think much of it bc the site sounded like a app like bumble (adultfriendfinder) but I didn't decide to finally look into it until April when i couldn't take it anymore. He lied to me for months would talk about how cheating was bad. Everything is lowkey platonic on some levels, we don't do stuff been like that for 8 months, our house turned into minimum of being cleaned once a month (we both struggle with severe depression) to hoarders buried alive :( slowly getting it clean. I think things are getting better but I have my suspicions again and it will be one of the reasons I ctb. I have other posts about it :( so you can pm me if you wanna talk about any of it

Tldr: I relate almost exactly like your situation and you can pm me about it if you wanna talk about any of it, because my situation was my fiancé started cheating a month after engagement on his birthday while on vacation with family, found out the next month but didn't look into till April, now things are different between us and I have suspicions again and it's why I will ctb

But it's good to find evidence of it in some way and to talk about it with him and be upfront and brutally honest. If he truly cares he would stop or it may be heartbreak up to yall :(

I'm really sorry you've had to go through all that, it must've been really painful.

I honestly don't think there's anything to worry about for my situation though.
I have just massive anxiety since I've been cheated on by others before and with tiny things I get super nervous.
Just lately I've been isolated kind of and I didn't have anyone to vent to so ig I resorted to talking about it here.

But my boyfriend and I seriously have a very close relationship and I think it might just be a short phase where things are a bit low.
Omg I must sound so different to before now- I just crocheted a little headscarf and listened to my favorite podcast and now I'm kind of not that anxious anymore. I hate bpd.

I'm sorry for wasting you guys' time