Another year

[kmycluisfe]

It's the end of my third year at university.
Another year I barely pass.
Another year of making everyone around me believe that everything is fine and that I'm doing well.
Another year I keep this fake smile in front of my parent.
Another year of sleepless nights, crying alone in my student room.
Another year where I realize how bad this life is.
Another year of wanting to kill myself.

And I can't stop, my sister is a failure, I'm the only hope for my family. But it's too much pressure for me, I don't want to do this at all. I hate my school, I hate everything I'm doing.

I don't know if I'll last another 2 years.

 

[february in alaska]

I'm so sorry. Fellow university student here, I get it. It's fucking awful.

Especially hard to hear people say "these will be the best years of your life" when university can literally be a living hell. Is there any chance you would be able to talk to your parents, tell them how you're feeling, even just talking to a school counselor about the course load or other options? I know I'm a hypocrite for even suggesting that, but I do think it's worth it if there's even a small part of you that wants to

Regardless of what your plans are, I hope you manage to get to a more peaceful headspace, what you're dealing with sounds miserable and exhausting

 

[kmycluisfe]

I'm so sorry. Fellow university student here, I get it. It's fucking awful.

Especially hard to hear people say "these will be the best years of your life" when university can literally be a living hell. Is there any chance you would be able to talk to your parents, tell them how you're feeling, even just talking to a school counselor about the course load or other options? I know I'm a hypocrite for even suggesting that, but I do think it's worth it if there's even a small part of you that wants to

Regardless of what your plans are, I hope you manage to get to a more peaceful headspace, what you're dealing with sounds miserable and exhausting

Yes, these years are really not the best years of my life, and my personality is not helping considering the loner I am.

The hardest thing here is not to talk to them, I feel like I can't stop, they pay for this school and I feel so shit just thinking about stopping everything and being like this while they spend almost 10K a year. I feel miserable.

Maybe I'm just a kid ? I can't fucking grow.

 

[february in alaska]

Yes, these years are really not the best years of my life, and my personality is not helping considering the loner I am.

The hardest thing here is not to talk to them, I feel like I can't stop, they pay for this school and I feel so shit just thinking about stopping everything and being like this while they spend almost 10K a year. I feel miserable.

Maybe I'm just a kid ? I can't fucking grow.

Ah, yeah. I feel you there.

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your parents, but if it's mostly guilt holding you back from telling them, I think it could still be worth a try. At the end of the day they're doing it for YOU, you know? So if you're completely miserable or if you can't do it or you don't see a future for yourself, there's no point to what they're doing anyway. Even if it's just a gap year to figure things out or adjusting your major or something, maybe that would help? Even if it's their money, it's your future and your life. I would hope your parents want you to be happy, too

I don't know if any of that is helpful or not, but I'm sorry you feel stuck. This shit is hard

 

[beetle]

I feel your sentiments almost completely. Third year university student barely passing a degree I'm not passionate about but forced to stay in because I feel the pressure of compensating for my sister dropping out and having no definite future... My parents also support my education although they're in debt and the guilt is too heavy to bear.
I truly hope your situation will get better, if you'd like to chat/vent about anything my DMs are open :)

 

[LunarLight]

And I can't stop, my sister is a failure, I'm the only hope for my family. But it's too much pressure for me, I don't want to do this at all. I hate my school, I hate everything I'm doing.

I think your parents would rather have you alive and happy than miserable and suicidal.
Do you see a therapist?