Another girl blocked me on fb

[GravityUtilizer]

I sometimes drunkenly message girls I used to work with over all my years bartending. Always complimentary though!

But yeah this one she blocked me, and she ain't the first. I don't blame her but it still hurts like hell.

Basically I never move on with my life and apparently want everyone who's ever known me (especially women I've crushed on) to know this fact, while they all move on with theirs.

STUPID DRUNK GRAVITY!

 

[SmellyRat]

You're too handsome to remain single

 

[botanormal]

That's tough, I'm sorry. Being drunk can make you feel really lonely, sometimes I message a load of people when I'm drunk, too.

Have you considered looking in other places for people to talk to when you're in that mood? I'm sure there are tonnes online who would love to give you a conversation. Hope you're feeling a little better now.

 

[shay23]

Have you tried having a conversations with them sober? It might seem out of the blue or brash if it's when you're drunk? Try not to beat yourself up!

 

[Astronomer]

You're too handsome to remain single

 

[GravityUtilizer]

The only time I'm interested in talking to anyone is when I'm drinking, that's the problem. The rest of the time I live like a hermit, quite happily conversing with no one, not realising loneliness is all the while accumulating.

 

[Symbiote]

No offense, but if someone were to approach me drunk and tried to talk to me, I blow them off too, and if you're spilling your feelings out to a stranger, it's just awkward for them. Women don't have time for that shit, drink with the men and we can all talk about how shit life is.

 

[SmellyRat]

The only time I'm interested in talking to anyone is when I'm drinking, that's the problem. The rest of the time I live like a hermit, quite happily conversing with no one, not realising loneliness is all the while accumulating.

I know the feeling...
Alcohol then becomes your best friend.

 

[Good4Nothing]

Yep, been there. One of the reasons I don't drink anymore. Or have facebook.

 

[Ghost2211]

Save your drunk posting for us, and then you'll spare yourself scaring away the lady friends. I will very happily joke and tease with you when wasted.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Maybe a change in perspective could help you move out of this rut, or least move up a bit.

Please don't take this as me slapping you, I'm not.

It might help to think of them as women instead of girls, and call them that. Or even better, think of them as people.

It might help when you think of them before reaching out (as well as during and after) to pretend they are equally as tall as you, equally physically strong, equally intelligent.

How would you approach someone who is equal?
How would you approach someone you respect?
How would you expect someone you respect to respond to you? Can you take it? Is it better for you if you can't and if they don't respond to you that way?


You see, I've been a "girl." I let that keep me small for a long time because I didn't know I am a human, a woman, and an equal, that I am short but I am quite formidable and am not only inherently worthy of respect, I have earned it. I took a lot of shit because of "girl" and "nice," and took on others' -- excuse me for saying this -- butthurt feelings, and so tried to soothe and placate them; it only encouraged the behavior, and then it got even worse. I decided I am just as tall, strong/powerful and intelligent, and I stand up and say No and Back off to someone eye-to-eye, chest-to-chest, don't care how tall or built they are, or what kind of weapon they're holding. Doesn't often win me friends, but it wins me respect, and after blustering for a bit to save face, those dudes either go away or go behind me and find someone else to dump on. Sometimes I call that out, too, so other women can learn they don't have to be dumped on, either. On rare occasion, and I mean exceedingly rare, another man will take my cue, or, on his own, step up to that man and encourage him to wake up, man up, take the medicine of hearing that he's acting off the mark, and be the better man he already is -- a man who is empowered enough to respect women and men, stand up for women and teach other men how to treat them with equality and respect, stand up to other men when they're not meeting what they know is right, and promote universal respect that benefits all. A confident and self-empowered person does this, whether man or woman; they step up to meet and be the better person they already are.

 

[LastFlowers]

Well to be honest that's never a good idea and unsolicited, superficial compliments out of the blue are not going to go over well with people who have even an ounce of self-respect. I would block someone too if they did that, but I don't have any social media and they wouldn't care either way because I don't have a pretty face. Just saying; even the people that do, they don't like that sort of thing even if they play along with you as not to seem rude. Add alcohol to that scenario and it's asking for trouble.

 

[ZardozOmega]

The only time I'm interested in talking to anyone is when I'm drinking, that's the problem. The rest of the time I live like a hermit, quite happily conversing with no one, not realising loneliness is all the while accumulating.

I'm just like that
it fucking sucks

 

[x~Sophia~x]

I sometimes drunkenly message girls I used to work with over all my years bartending. Always complimentary though!

I suppose it depends what your opinion is of 'complimentary.'
Do you 'compliment' them in a sexual way? If yes, then believe me when I tell you, as a woman, if any man messaged me over social media in that kind of way, (complimentary or not) he would be blocked immediately!

 

[Niftypoint124]

Anything you're saying to women while you're drunk isn't complimentary, doesn't feel good, and they don't like it -- especially if this is a pattern of behavior that leads to multiple women blocking you on the internet.

Quit drinking with FB, my dude.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

unsolicited, superficial compliments out of the blue are not going to go over well with people who have even an ounce of self-respect.

So true. It usually means that person wants something from you that's not on offer, not offering an affirmation to build you up. My self-respect hears what's behind the unsolicited compliment out of the blue and calls bullshit. It's time to self-protect.

 

[GravityUtilizer]

Ah hell I know my shortcomings! But I can't help it. I'm an alcoholic romantic with OCD. Nothing I can do.

I am wired thus.

 

[LastFlowers]

Ah hell I know my shortcomings! But I can't help it. I'm an alcoholic romantic with OCD. Nothing I can do.

I am wired thus.

Well you can help it actually, you can't help how you feel but you can physically not take your hands to the keyboard even if you must drink. Regardless, I don't think your methods would fall under romance lol..or OCD.
Not trying to be mean, but come on now. Maybe you should block these women yourself when sober, obviously having access to messaging them does neither side any good. You should only have the contacts of people who you will not resort to sending these types of messages.

 

[Emily_Numb]

I sometimes drunkenly message girls I used to work with over all my years bartending. Always complimentary though!

But yeah this one she blocked me, and she ain't the first. I don't blame her but it still hurts like hell.

Basically I never move on with my life and apparently want everyone who's ever known me (especially women I've crushed on) to know this fact, while they all move on with theirs.

STUPID DRUNK GRAVITY!

Stop messaging women when your are drunk. You are no doubt coming across as drunk and making an ass of yourself.

if you want to talk to people you haven't been in contact with for a while, do it sober or don't bother.

 

[Niftypoint124]

But I can't help it.

Looks like at least a handful of women are in here saying not only that you can, but you should. Try harder.

 

[GravityUtilizer]

Regardless, I don't think your methods would fall under romance lol..or OCD.

No but the motivations behind them would.

 

[feast or famine]

We really just want to be left alone.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I'm an alcoholic romantic with OCD.

Yeeeah...if it doesn't feel romantic to multiple recipients, you might want to check that definition.

People tend to block blows and other offensive things, not nice warm safe genuinely complimentary things.



There was this one guy in a neighborhood bar, I was still new there. One day as I was leaving, he blocked me and came in for a hug I wasn't into, he scooped his arms down lower than a hug and picked me up off the ground completely. So awkward, such high creep factor. I barked at him to stop it. He put me down and raised his voice, "Oh, so you think I'm gross??" I'm not even playing that shit, even if it's true. I put my "stop" hand up at him and enunciated very clearly, "You're not gross, I. just. don't. like. the. way. you're. acting." He was taken aback, didn't expect that response, and there was a big audience, he let me pass on out the door. Never pulled that shit again with anyone as far as I know. I let him be around me again when his consistent behavior demonstrated he would stay wide of my physical boundary. Yeah, he was socially awkward, I don't own that shit, I own me. Pity is always a set up to get hurt in some way, whether ripped off or raped.

@GravityUtilizer, we women are not girls. We are not cuddly stuffed toys. We are not boobs or vaginas walking around for your pleasure. We are not "pretty little things." We are human beings and we are not flattered by messages like the ones you send. It is not romantic, it's an assault. Clearly blocking doesn't hurt enough because the repeated lesson is not getting through. No respect received? No pity given. Pity is infantilizing anyway. Get a clue and knock it off.

If you don't, the kinda stuff you're pulling from a place of self-pity? And say you can't help it? You could very well end up one day unexpectedly meeting a big buff friend of one of these women, maybe more than one friend, who will be decidedly non-romantic with your body. It's going to hurt a lot more than a social media block. Freaking listen to women when they make it clear they don't like something. If you feel sorry for yourself over that, you're dangerous to women -- if you don't get that, I highly recommend a counselor who treats DV offenders before you become an offender.

 

[jrums]

Been there. A particularly heavy period of benzo and Ambien abuse caused me to randomly message girls on Facebook, get into vicious arguments with both guys and girls, and sometimes just write bizarre things that made zero sense. Then I would regret it when sober. I spent years avoiding social media and regret getting Facebook at the height of my drug problem. Not a problem anymore since SSRI neurological damage has made me unable to feel the effects of these substances anyway. But if you aren't getting blackout drunk maybe you can control it. Either way hearing about how you shouldn't have done that from others on here isn't helpful and probably just makes you feel shittier. Just try and be more aware of your behavior patterns and really try to learn from it this time. But don't beat yourself up and move on. I'm sure the girl that blocked you has already moved on.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

So I backed up and looked at the OP and asked myself about my responses, because I recognize I was getting pretty strong with you there, @GravityUtilizer and I needed to check in with myself.

When I read the OP, I get some cognitive dissonance. You vented, you didn't ask for help. I read it and I get a sense of helplessness because there's this self-sabotage, and I see your acceptance of the response you got and yet still being hurt, and then calling yourself stupid. There's just nowhere to go with the post. You didn't ask for support, for advice, for anything, you just said what happened and beat yourself up. It's kinda stuck, and I took that stuckness in and fought with it instead of just walking away.

I've noticed in other situations that when people can't resolve an issue, then they'll look for somethng to blame, something to take exception to, and then try to fix. And yup, I did that here. I can get on my soapbox all I want, but chances are, if you're not seeking help, then you're not going to find any suggestions helpful, no matter how they're presented. If you double down and say that's just how you are, then I have to accept that. I can myself double down and say I'm frustated and have been aggressed against by men with the same attitudes of not being able to help themselves, but if I back up a bit more, the truth is that by engaging in this thread, I'm engaging with something I just can't fix, nor did I cause, nor can I control.

I got hooked in by your stuff. I'm not even sure why you posted, and instead of looking at why I felt cognitive dissonance about that, I tried to engage when there was nothing really offered to engage with. That's on me.

I have compassion for whatever events and circumstances brought you to these ways of functioning, I truly do.

I am uncomfortable with the patterns and the beliefs that perpetuate them, because they are relational, they hurt others and you at the same time, and I've been one of the "others" in such patterns.

It is my way that I first try to address such things rationally. When that's not acknowledged and engaged with, then my next step is "wake up and back off mode," because it's like the person is sleepstomping on others, kind of like the guy who scooped me up, he just wasn't awake and aware. My final step is to say, okay, you're not hearing me, others are speaking too, and I'm safe and can't save the world though I want to -- save you as well as the women you're offending -- so I'm going to wake up and back off myself and go focus on other things.

So yeah, I'm gonna get off this hook. I'm reminding myself that unless they're working some kind of a program (sorry to sound all AA, there are many paths to pursue), an alcoholic is going to drink, and all the behaviors that come with it will follow, and it's sanity to accept that. I've tried to talk to you in other threads, and I think it's best I recognize I've been on a hook with your stuff, own it, and just stop. I really do wish for your well-being, and I do respect you and have compassion for you, and so I trust you to figure out for yourself what well-being is for you and what is best for you to pursue for yourself.

Peace. Adios.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

Does posting wall texts at internet strangers, analyzing their psyche, motivations and comparing them to rapists, while they are not engaging with you, constitute an assault and boundary violation?

 

[GravityUtilizer]

The ironic thing is a girl/woman (I use them interchangeably) drunk messaged me last night and I totally appreciated it!

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

The ironic thing is a girl/woman (I use them interchangeably) drunk messaged me last night and I totally appreciated it!

That's because you are a man - a predator and a potential rapist and wife-beater.

 

[GravityUtilizer]

That's because you are a man - a predator and a potential rapist and wife-beater.

Lol.

 

[SmellyRat]

That's because you are a man - a predator and a potential rapist and wife-beater.