Story Another close call!

[Cyagangy]

This happened last month but I'm more comfortable talking about it now. Last month my mom heard my suicide audio since I had recorded it sometime in April and planned to follow through in September which I did although it failed. Thanks to my suicide I had gotten right with God and accepted a new task as a prophet, that's neither here nor there. I forgot that I sent my mom my audio and made it a schedule send so when she got it I was no longer suicidal. She acted sad by I was on her Vyvanse so I couldn't feel much emotion besides Apathy. She faked her concern well, she told me she was afraid to even tell me what to do because I might commit. I almost wanted to laugh in her face. She made my note about her and genuinely can't find what she did wrong. She won't take accountability for hitting me so much when I was a kid instead saying I deserve it when she knew I was autistic. She barely took accountability for unintentionally blaming me for being molested. Honestly the scene was horrific for her but more awkward for me. Though some part of me enjoyed her sobs. I took so much delight in her emotional anguish as if vengeance was received for the past me's. I did try to delete that email before she got it but I am firm in believing it was Gods will. What I thought was a punishment was a blessing. I truly forgave my mother in that instant, now she is a bit traumatized bringing it up in the car but I'm really dismissive about it and I enjoy shutting her down and telling her to stop crying about it and to act more mature. Sure arguably I'm shitty for doing that but I got my taste of vengeance and I'm glad God let my suicide fail just so I could enjoy the look on my mom's face and knowing that a part of me has screwed over her psyche beyond my own comprehension. Though she did tell me that she couldn't remember a single bad thing she did to me and after I was baptized and I forgave everyone in my life I took had forgotten her transgressions. So I just feel malicious.

Tldr: Mom found my suicide email and I got to enjoy her distress.

Lesson: If you write your end and send it please research a way to unsend.