Venting anorexia ruined, but also saved me, sort of

[overmorrow]

having an eating disorder since I was 11, it's been 9 years, 9 years, that everyday, I struggle with eating

for a while, as stupid as it sounds, feeling hungry and wanting to be thinner was a goal, a distraction, to keep ctb thoughts away, to feel better with myself, tricking my brain into thinking that i was actually achieving something, which in reality

but the side effects, the habits, they all remained, and now both my physical and mental health is at an all times low, and the suicidal thoughts, the depression, it hasn't changed one bit, it's still as bad as it always been, and even worse, mixing with an ed, i don't even eat, i just lay in bed all day

the only funny activity i have, is finding some nice recipes, but like, i can't cook every hour of the day, it's just... dumb(?)

my teeth, rotted from years of constant purging, I've developed very bad bladder issues, extremely embarrassing...my hair is all thin and brittle, I'm always cold and sick, the brain fog is terrible

I think I should just man up sometimes, I'm a weak person, too weak and delicate, it's pathetic, if i was born 100 years ago, I'd already be a little soldier ran over by a tank probably, i whine too much

 

[MickeyBatory]

It's terrible. I really sympathise. Mental disorders can really have a double effect on us. Eating disorders are very hard to experience, because we have to face food and choice all the time. I can't imagine how hard it is for you… :(

 

[Slark]

I have Crohn's disease, and before I discovered the disease, I started losing weight, and no matter how much I ate, my weight kept dropping. It was devastating for me, so I can imagine what you're going through. I sincerely hope you can get better. Currently, are you unable to eat anything? There are some high-calorie supplement options that might help a little, but I understand that the biggest problem is psychological. I'm sorry I can't be of much help.