Help Anger stopping me from ctb

[Peaceful Departure]

I was ruthlessly abused by my ex. When we met i was in the best place i'd been in years, and she was on the brink of ctb. I chose to help her and it ended with me completely traumatized, scared to leave the house because she has turned a whole community against me through labelling me as her abuser, despite reality being the exact opposite. Now she's in the best place she's ever been (her words), and i couldn't be more angry yet powerless.
I'm ready to ctb, method, and everything are arranged, but what's stopping me is this overwhelming anger towards her. How can i just leave this planet after being abused and taken advantage of in ways i didn't know human beings were capable? I want to leave her with a note to be delivered post ctb, but that makes me feel like im sinking to her level of morals. At the same time how can i just be practically murdered by someone without standing up for myself?
Any advice?

 

[undecided]

My advice is... she sounds like she probably wouldn't even care if you ctb, she sounds vile ! And, you CAN fight through this, don't let her disgusting ass win !

 

[Peaceful Departure]

The other key piece to this is who she is. She has ptsd, bpd, and is without question undiagnosed autism. All this makes it difficult to understand if she is doing horrible things without realizing or on purpose.
Point being i think she cares, to what extent idk, and if i do ctb i feel holding her accountable for just a couple of her actions would have a significant impact.
I want justice! But if im not even alive to see it happen does it even matter.