I don't know how to describe the hate I feel...
It all started in 2018... Before that date I already had a diagnosis of bipolar, but it was there that I learned how controlling my mother was and my family in general... My mother tries to be good I think, but it's her personality that complicates it . In that year of 2018 I met a person that I liked and I like to this day, but my mother at that time forced me to distance myself from the girl and I walked away because I didn't want the girl to suffer because of me (but before that she cursed me and humiliated her in public... She never did that to my sisters, but it was like that to me).
Describing these things is not easy emotionally... believe me! In the end, the girl died last year (at age 20).
I hate myself so much for what happened. Gosh! It really hurts! And it hurts even more to be living in her house, unemployed. And most of the people around me judge me for being unemployed and according to their criteria everyone gets along a lot except me... I went to a useless college and the only thing I'm proud of is being a tribal courtier in Ghana (a chief official/traditional kingdom) but people don't understand what it's really about... To the people who live with me I'm just a failure. And the more time passes, the more it seems...
There were some opportunistic family members who "liked" me... Until they realized I wouldn't give money...
My mother had covid (along with my grandmother). When she came back from the ICU I promised myself that I would find a place to stay when I had a job... Of course it won't be simple. My sister keeps condemning me for thinking like that (of course to her she always had freedom)... for most people I'm lazy and wrong. Every day I hear people say that I have nothing, I don't have a motorcycle, I don't have a car... People don't even know who I am, I may not have anything for them, but for the Ghana chiefdom that I represent (as an officer) I still I'm something.
But that's why I want to finish, people will know who lost when people from other countries pay their condolences (and they will... too bad I won't see that part, when they find out I was a little more than they thought. . .)
These hypocritical people will learn not to attack worthy people just because they have a job or not, have a car or not. My value is not in tangible things.
I hope to get it over with this year... either getting a seat or just dying!
24 years old in february
It all started in 2018... Before that date I already had a diagnosis of bipolar, but it was there that I learned how controlling my mother was and my family in general... My mother tries to be good I think, but it's her personality that complicates it . In that year of 2018 I met a person that I liked and I like to this day, but my mother at that time forced me to distance myself from the girl and I walked away because I didn't want the girl to suffer because of me (but before that she cursed me and humiliated her in public... She never did that to my sisters, but it was like that to me).
Describing these things is not easy emotionally... believe me! In the end, the girl died last year (at age 20).
I hate myself so much for what happened. Gosh! It really hurts! And it hurts even more to be living in her house, unemployed. And most of the people around me judge me for being unemployed and according to their criteria everyone gets along a lot except me... I went to a useless college and the only thing I'm proud of is being a tribal courtier in Ghana (a chief official/traditional kingdom) but people don't understand what it's really about... To the people who live with me I'm just a failure. And the more time passes, the more it seems...
There were some opportunistic family members who "liked" me... Until they realized I wouldn't give money...
My mother had covid (along with my grandmother). When she came back from the ICU I promised myself that I would find a place to stay when I had a job... Of course it won't be simple. My sister keeps condemning me for thinking like that (of course to her she always had freedom)... for most people I'm lazy and wrong. Every day I hear people say that I have nothing, I don't have a motorcycle, I don't have a car... People don't even know who I am, I may not have anything for them, but for the Ghana chiefdom that I represent (as an officer) I still I'm something.
But that's why I want to finish, people will know who lost when people from other countries pay their condolences (and they will... too bad I won't see that part, when they find out I was a little more than they thought. . .)
These hypocritical people will learn not to attack worthy people just because they have a job or not, have a car or not. My value is not in tangible things.
I hope to get it over with this year... either getting a seat or just dying!
24 years old in february
