trappedinthislife
Student
- May 13, 2024
- 104
Just when I thought things were looking up. That things were getting better for me, that I have a shot at a good life, my mom, yes, her, she comes in and knock me back into that hole I tried to hard to climb out of. And of course she gaslight me into staying here because "she raises me" or whatever. It's not hard to understand, I am a failed child. My only purpose is to be disposed of. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. Wake up, stop dreaming, mom. I will always be nothing thanks to you. And I know you won't change.
I'm not gonna fight this pointless battle anymore. Mom, I am going to die one day. And it'll be the best for you. The way you treated me today, the way you spoke to me tells me you do not want me around. Then be it. I don't want myself to be around anymore. Stop hoping I'll make it. As long as you are the arrogant bastard that you are that'll never happen. I have tried countless times to make you listen yet your god complex gets in the way. Let me die. It'll hurt, but you can make it through. It's the only way you'll learn it seems.
I am sorry, mom, but there are some things you can't fix. Some things you cannot know about me. I know you're my parents and caretaker for 21 years, but I can't let you know these things. And the way you yelled at me at lunch only further proves my point. I trust this forum, because people here don't yell at me and get angry. I trust my brother, and my therapist for the same reason. That's what you don't have, mom. you being my mom changes nothing.
Now, for the truth. YOU SUCK AT HELPING ME HEAL. You expect me to hold in tears when I am clearly not stable. That's not what a friend does. You are a monster to me, not a friend. Nothing will change my mind - I have given you so many chances and you flunked them all. I am sorry if it's harsh to hear. It's the truth.
I have dreams, shattered by your words. you want to be a god that thinks she can solve any of her daughter's problem? Ok, you just used your godly power to destroy my dreams. That seems pretty godly to me. Do you know how much I want to make you proud, to be great, to leave a legacy? But every time I got a bit far, I get knocked right back. So I thought, if my dreams can't be achieved, you and my siblings should have the keys.
"The ocean glances to a place faraway,
Look, the sunset so glorious and beautiful
The sand waits and waits, for the waves to come,
But the ocean just can't.
So the sands looks at the horizon, again, looking for a sunset to be with.
Stop dreaming, ocean, please,
Beyond the far horizon, no one is waiting.
Even on the other side of the ocean, there is only a sandy beach.
Stop dreaming, dreamer, please,
The sun is so far away from you,
And the sunset is only rays of light from afar.
There is no rainbow after the rain for you,
The tides will continue to rise and fill your heart with deep wounds.
Even when the shores still looks back, to the happy moments,
Wake up, my dear, why are you still dreaming?
Every promise will wither like a dying flower,
All the love, carried away by the endless clouds,
The memories you tried to hold onto are out of reach.
The more you try, the more you hope, months after months, years after years, the more pain there is, and it only leads to sorrow."
This is an excerpt from a song about hopeless love but I thought it fits. I'm addicted to this song lol, feels like it speaks to me. Everything is hopeless, so don't hope. Let go.
Thank you, and sorry, mom. Sorry I didn't live up to your expectations. But it's ok, smile, because I will be going to a better world... A world that I have been wanting to go to since I was 10.
I'm not gonna fight this pointless battle anymore. Mom, I am going to die one day. And it'll be the best for you. The way you treated me today, the way you spoke to me tells me you do not want me around. Then be it. I don't want myself to be around anymore. Stop hoping I'll make it. As long as you are the arrogant bastard that you are that'll never happen. I have tried countless times to make you listen yet your god complex gets in the way. Let me die. It'll hurt, but you can make it through. It's the only way you'll learn it seems.
I am sorry, mom, but there are some things you can't fix. Some things you cannot know about me. I know you're my parents and caretaker for 21 years, but I can't let you know these things. And the way you yelled at me at lunch only further proves my point. I trust this forum, because people here don't yell at me and get angry. I trust my brother, and my therapist for the same reason. That's what you don't have, mom. you being my mom changes nothing.
Now, for the truth. YOU SUCK AT HELPING ME HEAL. You expect me to hold in tears when I am clearly not stable. That's not what a friend does. You are a monster to me, not a friend. Nothing will change my mind - I have given you so many chances and you flunked them all. I am sorry if it's harsh to hear. It's the truth.
I have dreams, shattered by your words. you want to be a god that thinks she can solve any of her daughter's problem? Ok, you just used your godly power to destroy my dreams. That seems pretty godly to me. Do you know how much I want to make you proud, to be great, to leave a legacy? But every time I got a bit far, I get knocked right back. So I thought, if my dreams can't be achieved, you and my siblings should have the keys.
"The ocean glances to a place faraway,
Look, the sunset so glorious and beautiful
The sand waits and waits, for the waves to come,
But the ocean just can't.
So the sands looks at the horizon, again, looking for a sunset to be with.
Stop dreaming, ocean, please,
Beyond the far horizon, no one is waiting.
Even on the other side of the ocean, there is only a sandy beach.
Stop dreaming, dreamer, please,
The sun is so far away from you,
And the sunset is only rays of light from afar.
There is no rainbow after the rain for you,
The tides will continue to rise and fill your heart with deep wounds.
Even when the shores still looks back, to the happy moments,
Wake up, my dear, why are you still dreaming?
Every promise will wither like a dying flower,
All the love, carried away by the endless clouds,
The memories you tried to hold onto are out of reach.
The more you try, the more you hope, months after months, years after years, the more pain there is, and it only leads to sorrow."
This is an excerpt from a song about hopeless love but I thought it fits. I'm addicted to this song lol, feels like it speaks to me. Everything is hopeless, so don't hope. Let go.
Thank you, and sorry, mom. Sorry I didn't live up to your expectations. But it's ok, smile, because I will be going to a better world... A world that I have been wanting to go to since I was 10.
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