plan c
My last resort.
- Nov 8, 2022
- 101
Walker here.
So here I am again as you could imagine, with the same assortment of bones and flesh.
A year ago I posted a piece of goodbye note and drank sn along with many other stuff. I didn't succeed as a matter of fact yet I'm not quite in the mood of putting too much judgement or going detail on this matter 'cuz that was a year, and to me almost decades ago. I'd say, things happened. Things are never the same.
I've been thinking if I shouldn't give it up all too easy, but getting back to my normal life seemed an impossible task. It took my family several months to get back on their feet. Also I took a gap year from school and decide to give recovery another well-prepared attempt. Until something hit me hard recently: Last week I was like suddenly being reminded that I am running out of time I was supposed to take to recover. I'm about to resume my study yet I have no idea how I could again pick everything up from the ashes. I had to check my course schedule and make some arrangements earlier today and I feel it's not just time that I'm running out of. Thinking of all the triviality while everything has to go on literally drains away all that cognitive resources I have.
And yes... "I still have the plan C. I could just die whenever Ii think I'm unable to move even further, but before that I may just want to pull through until the moment come." That's the only idea keeping me sane and able to focus on things for the time being.
So here I am again as you could imagine, with the same assortment of bones and flesh.
A year ago I posted a piece of goodbye note and drank sn along with many other stuff. I didn't succeed as a matter of fact yet I'm not quite in the mood of putting too much judgement or going detail on this matter 'cuz that was a year, and to me almost decades ago. I'd say, things happened. Things are never the same.
I've been thinking if I shouldn't give it up all too easy, but getting back to my normal life seemed an impossible task. It took my family several months to get back on their feet. Also I took a gap year from school and decide to give recovery another well-prepared attempt. Until something hit me hard recently: Last week I was like suddenly being reminded that I am running out of time I was supposed to take to recover. I'm about to resume my study yet I have no idea how I could again pick everything up from the ashes. I had to check my course schedule and make some arrangements earlier today and I feel it's not just time that I'm running out of. Thinking of all the triviality while everything has to go on literally drains away all that cognitive resources I have.
And yes... "I still have the plan C. I could just die whenever Ii think I'm unable to move even further, but before that I may just want to pull through until the moment come." That's the only idea keeping me sane and able to focus on things for the time being.
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