An old friend died

[JealousOfTheElderly]

Today I found out an old friend died a couple of years ago. The friend was a former lover that I would think about every now and then. Much too young to die. Left behind two kids and a partner.
But I had mixed feelings torn between shock, a tiny bit of grief, and of course jealousy. Why someone with a spouse and young kids? It should have been me.
The cause of death was "a cardiac issue". Not sure if that means CTB or natural death. Their father killed himself many years ago and their mother died a few short years ago.
I've lost quite a number of friends and acquaintances over the years. Many CTB'd and others from freak accidents (possibly murder).

Why wasn't it me?

 

[ForeverLonely82]

I feel your pain. My wife died of septic shock on Thursday. We've been married for 14 years I've been having massive crying fits since that day and experience mental breakdowns from it because I'll never see her face again. What I don't understand is I'm morbidly obese and wondering why did she have to leave for me to be left behind I should have been the one that left. I wouldn't want her to experience the pain of losing me either, but I hate the pain that I'm experiencing and the loss of her. I'm sorry you're going through this It's an awful sensation and it feels like every particle in existence is fake every object is different somehow. It's just hell. I still wish it was me first because I don't wanna live in a world where I'm completely alone but I'm forced into it I'm telling you as I said in many posts before and I'll say it once again I have a hex over my head that wants to ensure I get the worst of everything and that's exactly what's been happening for the past few years and this one takes the cake. I'm sorry that I all about me here but I do sympathize with what you're saying and I wish it was me that passed instead of her. I hope you and I can get through our grief somehow regardless of how long it will take.

 

[JealousOfTheElderly]

I feel your pain. My wife died of septic shock on Thursday. We've been married for 14 years I've been having massive crying fits since that day and experience mental breakdowns from it because I'll never see her face again. What I don't understand is I'm morbidly obese and wondering why did she have to leave for me to be left behind I should have been the one that left. I wouldn't want her to experience the pain of losing me either, but I hate the pain that I'm experiencing and the loss of her. I'm sorry you're going through this It's an awful sensation and it feels like every particle in existence is fake every object is different somehow. It's just hell. I still wish it was me first because I don't wanna live in a world where I'm completely alone but I'm forced into it I'm telling you as I said in many posts before and I'll say it once again I have a hex over my head that wants to ensure I get the worst of everything and that's exactly what's been happening for the past few years and this one takes the cake. I'm sorry that I all about me here but I do sympathize with what you're saying and I wish it was me that passed instead of her. I hope you and I can get through our grief somehow regardless of how long it will take.

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. When it happens to someone close to you, it really does hit hard.
Hugs to you my friend. Time will ease the pain but I know there's not much anyone can say or do that will help right now.