Am I wrong for distancing myself?

[Bodydysmorphia34]

I have been friends with someone (let's call him "Sam") for two years, we met in college. We decided to do our semester abroad together (same city, same house). During the time we lived in a shared apartment, that's when I kind of started distancing myself from him. We rarely spent time together and started getting into petty arguments. Over the course of 5 months, we went one time watching a movie and that's it, no weekend trips, no activities (he was "tired" all the time, he told me). But when Sam's friends come over to visit, he has no problem spending all of his time with them.

After the semester abroad, Sam moved into a shared apartment with his friends (3 people). He went on holiday for a month and left his room door open with his savings (cash). Someone used this opportunity to steal all of his savings (over 6000 Euros). I tried being supportive to him and told him to file a police report (which he didn't btw). He invited me over for a party with his friends (even though I don't like parties, I said yes to be a good friend).

Well, his friends didn't even feel bad about making comments about my appearance (I have bodydysmorphia and they KNEW about that) to make me feel bad. That was the moment when I decided to cut off Sam and his friends altogether (Sam even supported the statements of his friends).

Well, after two months, Sam texted me and told me he was kicked out from the shared apartment by his friends after getting into arguments and suffering a mental breakdown.

This was the point he wanted to reestablish the contact with me and I didn't refuse. But I kind of don't want to have any contact with him anymore after all what has happened. Am I wrong for wanting to cut him off? Sam has my dad's phone number so he will probably contact him if I start ignoring his messages (he told my dad everything about my suicidal thoughts and bodydysmorphia without my consent).

I just want to be left alone and not have any "friends" at the moment.

 

[Blue Elephant]

I just want to be left alone and not have any "friends" at the moment.

Then do this! Take a break, calm yourself and reflect! There's no rush to make decisions. A good friend will wait forever, I know mine did and I would do the same for him.

 

[avoid]

I understand that you don't want to live with him now after everything that happened. I think you need to think about whether you see yourself befriending him again in the future. If you think you can then take this into consideration when making the decision on whether you'll let him live with you again. But if not, then there's no point in letting him move in with you. And if your parents pressure or force you to let him live with you draw up a contract that outlines exactly what you expect of him. For example, a temporary living arrangement of 3 months unless you mutually agree to extend the terms.

Either way, it's never good to ignore someone outright. If I were you, I would explain to him your situation which (I presume) is that the two of you have grown apart and that you like to live or be left alone. Maybe you can work something out with him if he understands your situation—how you felt about him the last time he lived with you. And if not, then you can simply decline him and wish him luck.

Edit:
Just to clarify, don't ignore him. If you choose to decline him then be short and concise. Don't be pressured into anything that you don't want. And if he is a person that likes to argue then don't mention your reasons for not letting him move in. Here's an example of declining him: "Hey <name>, sorry for the late response. I needed some time to think about your [messages/offer/request]. I have grown accustomed to living alone and want to continue living alone right now. I hope you'll find a home soon."

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't think it makes you a bad person. Maybe it doesn't make you a very good, selfless person- but- who is? Sorry to be offensive to this guy Sam but- he wasn't being a 'good' person when he joined in with his friends with regards to your body dysmorphia. Ultimately- it comes down to- do we really owe each other anything? Some people will openly ask for things- which makes us feel bad when we say 'no'.

Maybe it's selfish but I think- unless you can 100% trust soneone- you need to look out for yourself first. Sorry but- why should you help this guy out when they were unkind to you? Of course- it has to be up to you whether you forgive him though. Whether you think his friendship is worth holding on to.

I reckon I'm way worse than you! I have a couple of old friends who now and again get in touch and even try to meet up but- I don't want to. I'm really not a sociable person now. I don't want to have to fake it that I'm ok either. So- that's far worse really. There's no good reason other than I'm so socially inept. Plus- I may well CTB one day. I think it would be easier on them if they were estranged rather than in touch. They might start worrying that they missed 'the signs'. This way- they weren't around to even be able to notice.

I hope you come to a decision you feel comfortable with and don't feel guilty about it. This guy clearly looks out for himself. You're only doing the same- nothing wrong in that.

 

[Bodydysmorphia34]

Thank you for your replies.

One big issue I have with this particular person is the poor communication between us. I always try to give him the best advice possible but he just seems to ignore it altogether and just uses me as a person to vent to (which is fine but then I'm apparently not important enough for him to listen to).

Anyways, when we lived together I started noticing how different we are in terms of personality and communication, which is a reason why I feel like we've grown apart. Obviously, his toxic friends were more important for him, which is why he supported them. He just texts me because he barely has anybody to talk to, not because he sees a good friend in me.