Story Am I the only one who thinks of death 24/7?

[tpboy]

Things are closing in on me. A lot of different directions. Mainly physically but also mental, finances and other things. It has gotten to the point that I can barely focus on anything but my suicide or just being gone. I guess maybe things need to be at this point to overcome SI? Does anyone else here find themselves in this position?

 

[HumanoidMonster]

Oh this is so terribly relatable. I am sorry you have to go through this constantly. Sending warm hugs.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm always also thinking of death and to permanently cease existing and never suffer ever again is all I could hope for, I just wish for peace from this torturous existence I always saw as a mistake and there's just so much cruelty and so much suffering in existing, it's all so dreadful and I wish I never existed more than anything, for me every second is thinking about death as I find it such a burden to exist and I'd never wish to exist no matter what. I find it so torturous and dreadful to be burdened with this existence with no limit as to how much one can suffer, for me existence is the problem and it's one only non-existence can solve and take away for me, I always suffer from how I cannot just have a death like falling asleep permanently.

 

[Surai]

For the longest time there hasnt been a day where i havent thought of killing myself. SI like you said I think is the only deterant from death because of a deep rooted fear of it and pain

 

[Worndown]

I believe you came to the place where these thoughts are most common.

 

[Hollowman]

No, but that doesn't really help does it?

 

[kingfool316]

When i sleep, i always hoped my poor health would end me right there and then. Sad to say it didn't work. So that's why i prepare my chord

 

[Unknown21]

I'm in this position for 2 years, you are not alone.

 

[polm]

Yes, it's a record that plays in my mind all the time. Ever present the end cannot come soon enough. I'm sorry my friend.

 

[tpboy]

Yes, it's a record that plays in my mind all the time. Ever present the end cannot come soon enough. I'm sorry my friend.

Trust me. I am sorry for you as well and anyone that has to live like this. It's really no life at all.

 

[zixd]

Things are closing in on me. A lot of different directions. Mainly physically but also mental, finances and other things. It has gotten to the point that I can barely focus on anything but my suicide or just being gone. I guess maybe things need to be at this point to overcome SI? Does anyone else here find themselves in this position?

SAME !!!

 

[bankai]

When i sleep, i always hoped my poor health would end me right there and then. Sad to say it didn't work. So that's why i prepare my chord

Some people here let their health deteriorate, hoping that it will end them. It's a very big mistake. The Human body is very resilient. Letting your health go will just mean years and years of suffering and slow decline. Not a good way to go at all.

 

[rainieday06]

Just here to say you are not alone. I definitely have issues with my SI on a daily. Honestly I sleep so much because I rather be asleep than to be awake. Alone.. unsupported.. and hating everything

 

[TheVanishingPoint]

Death is the supreme moment of liberation.
It is the final threshold, the instant in which you finally owe nothing to anyone:
no thought to sustain,
no labor to complete,
no task to fulfill,
no feeling to justify.

The pain of the body falls silent forever.
Even if you wished to inflict suffering upon yourself, you could not:
you have relinquished the instrument of torment, laid down the flesh.

In that moment — which is no moment —
you have severed every bond,
freed yourself from every face,
emancipated even from yourself.

And in the final paradox,
you can no longer perceive the freedom you have gained.
Yet it is precisely in this that liberation is fulfilled:
in its irrevocable absence.

 

[cursedlife]

I have been thinking about death since as long as I can remember, I thought things will get better when I'm older but nothing changed .

 

[PI3.14]

You're not the only one.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

You are not alone, constantly on my mind. Sending hugs and love.

 

[HD72]

Things are closing in on me. A lot of different directions. Mainly physically but also mental, finances and other things. It has gotten to the point that I can barely focus on anything but my suicide or just being gone. I guess maybe things need to be at this point to overcome SI? Does anyone else here find themselves in this position?

Every day

I'm always also thinking of death and to permanently cease existing and never suffer ever again is all I could hope for, I just wish for peace from this torturous existence I always saw as a mistake and there's just so much cruelty and so much suffering in existing, it's all so dreadful and I wish I never existed more than anything, for me every second is thinking about death as I find it such a burden to exist and I'd never wish to exist no matter what. I find it so torturous and dreadful to be burdened with this existence with no limit as to how much one can suffer, for me existence is the problem and it's one only non-existence can solve and take away for me, I always suffer from how I cannot just have a death like falling asleep permanently.

the pain I live in. It is no life. And to know my parents caused it breaks me. I have no one to help and will be totally alone soon. Brain damage from meds and because they don't wo any to admit fault they will throw me in a psych ward where people like me are terribly abused. I have no one call for help and they take all your things so u can't call anyway. I'm terrified. I need to get out and I don't have the ability to get supplies.

 

[kingfool316]

Some people here let their health deteriorate, hoping that it will end them. It's a very big mistake. The Human body is very resilient. Letting your health go will just mean years and years of suffering and slow decline. Not a good way to go at all.

That's what chord is for

 

[Doll Steak]

On even slightly bad days yeah, I'm lucky it doesn't happen that often but it can really just show up on any day, its just amplified to 110% on bad days and its so fucking mentally exhausting when it does happen.

 

[lifeisadream]

100% relate because being dead swirls around my brain from the moment I wake to falling asleep. It's like Groundhog Day. My brain thinks I'm living in the matrix of misery which I can't escape from. Even dream about jumping from cliffs but I can't do it, instead have to watch others jumping & ending their pain.

 

[wham311]

Constant agony. Constant thoughts of suicide as it is the only way out. But it is unachievable.

 

[Alexandra_]

All my thoughts are also occupied only with death. I just can't think of anything else

 

[NonEssential]

I keep viewing it as an escape plan so it always pops up in my mind daily.

 

[Michelstaedter]

In the last 3-4 years I've been thinking about it for about 6-7 hours depending on how low my mood was, in the last year 14-16 hours to give you an idea of how much it's increased (I don't count the hours I'm asleep because my dreams are random).